Staring Into An Imaginary Black Hole – Autumn Statement, football non-protests and Maurice Mcleod on Labour’s very undemocratic candidate picking

Released on Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022.

Staring Into An Imaginary Black Hole – Autumn Statement, football non-protests and Maurice Mcleod on Labour’s very undemocratic candidate picking

Keep the politics out of football they say, something that is easy to do when the World Cup is in a country where they’ll execute you for protesting. Still nothing more British than doing nothing about it, which is also how the Autumn Statement is tackling the economic crisis. Rishi Sunak’s football wall chart, Swiss deals and who Keir Starmer’s been kissing. Plus a return to the podcast from Maurice Mcleod (@mowords) to talk about Labour’s undemocratic candidate elections.



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Further Reading

Linear liner notes 

Keep the politics out of football they say, something that is easy to do when the World Cup is in a country where they’ll execute you for protesting. Still nothing more British than doing nothing about it, which is also how the Autumn Statement is tackling the economic crisis. Rishi Sunak’s football wall chart, Swiss deals and who Keir Starmer’s been kissing. Plus a return to the podcast from Maurice Mcleod (@mowords) to talk about Labour’s undemocratic candidate elections.


Key links and sources of info from Maurice Mcleod’s interview:


Catch up with Tiernan’s interview all about writing – 


All the usual ParPolBro stuff:





Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that has never kissed a Tory, for it only kisses ears. You know with sound. And consent to do that. Wait come back! I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as rumours suggest the British government seek a Swiss style deal with the EU, I thought we already had. Isn’t that why its full of holes?


Nothing turns eyes towards a country’s ethics quite like the men’s World Cup. The tournament has only just begun and its transparent how prejudicial, unequal, greedy, out of date, meek and driven by ideology England are. Oh sorry, and Qatar aren’t great either. At least we let people die unfairly without having to do construction work first. Ours get to keel over in their own homes and then have their bodies naturally preserved by the lack of heating which really saves the mortuaries time and energy. The England team might have the three lions on their shirts but would a lion back down from wearing a One Love rainbow armband in protest against Qatar’s homophobic abusive policies? Well yes probably but only because I just can’t imagine you’d get an armband on a lion without tranquilising it first. Terrifying job. That’s not really the point though. What I mean is, when faced with showing the world you stand in solidarity with the promotion of human rights, it’s not the bravest showing to say actually we’d prefer to not piss off Fifa and make sure we can add to our wealthy salaries by playing against Wales on a rainy day in January as that’s much more important. A truly brave bunch would say fine, we won’t wear an LGBTQ+ solidarity symbol but then as soon as they score add to the shirtless hugging with some deep tongue kissing and intense groping. Or you know, they could’ve boycotted the whole tournament in the first place. But that would be too much protest for England. On the first match the Iranian team refused to sing the national anthem which could put their lives at risk when they return home. Whereas some of the England team just sang ‘God Save the Queen’ instead of changing the words to ‘King’. So, unless that’s a stand against hate crimes against drag artists, then it’s more likely they’ve just not even watched the news in years. We are a nation of small pointless gestures only or not at all. Which I suppose is why we have a government like the Conservatives, who reflect this value in abundance. The Prime Minister and boy who puts his hand up to read everything in class even though no one else wants him to Rishi Sunak tweeted a video of him filling in his World Cup chart and putting it on the door of his office at No.10, in perhaps the only time anyone has ever made covering the flat the gold leaf wallpaper look more appealing. ‘Do us proud’ tweeted Sunak with an England flag. And I suppose by not protesting about abuses of human rights, the England team are doing that. And if they could also rob some poor people, pay no tax, spend a silly amount of their money on pointless endeavours while refusing to apologise and lacking all sense of humour then really, they could very well be our ambassadors in not just football, but everything. Sadly, several of the players have already stood up for hungry children so it’s likely the Prime Minister doesn’t mean them.


Chancellor and Stressed Eric on Ket Jeremy Hunt said he had tried to be fair with his Autumn Statement. I mean, he wasn’t but again it’s the thought that counts isn’t it? Why be fair when you can simply tell people you really tried but it just wasn’t doable on account of an innate desire to make everyone’s lives worse. We must remember it’s not easy for someone like Jeremy Hunt to insist that we will all pay a bit more tax, by which he means a bit as to how rich people see it but for you means you’ll have to survive the winter by eating your own shoes like if John Franklin hadn’t bothered looking for the Northwest passage and instead just stayed at home and tried to reduce his heating bill. The Chancellor made the difficult decisions now, rather than later when everyone would have had a chance to analyse them and show actually they weren’t very difficult or indeed helpful in any way. What is this insistence from Tory ministers on making difficult decisions? I’ve said it before but seriously, just do the easy ones, give everyone more cash and then have a day off. No one would mind at all. It seems completely worthless to struggle over something if no one’s going to like it anyway. What was difficult about saying young people face a decade of lost growth while rich pensioners will be fine anyway? Hunt and the rest of the government have had 12 years of performances of that statement already. If Hunt is still struggling to wheel out exactly the same old shit he’s already previously been in government for then maybe this isn’t the job for him? Sack it off mate and go somewhere there are no difficult decisions, like one of those jobs where all you have to do is raise or lower a barrier at a car park. Though I’m sure he’d refuse to let anyone and insist it was better he made that hard choice now than later when they all realised there was more than ample space for car parking and he was just being a fucking beady eyed arsehole about it. What was actually in the statement? Well you’ll be very excited to hear that the minimum wage for over 23 year olds is increasing by nowhere near the rate of inflation but it is increasing so be grateful you’ll now earn slightly more not enough money to eat from. If you’re under 23 then look, its your fault for being born and you should thought about this beforehand but also don’t go on benefits because they want everyone to be in work. Except rich pensioners. Or landlords. Or rich pensioner landlords. Benefits will increase with inflation giving anyone on Universal Credit £600 more, which will really help with the £1040 the government took away from them after the pandemic in the same way handing someone a tent would be a nice pick me up after you demolished their home. Hunt has also given the DWP £280m to crack down on benefit fraud which is currently 0.07% of all claims, which either suggests the DWP are particularly shit at investigating all of 3 people a year, or they’ll only do it if they can drink the most expensive champagne while filing papers. Tax is going up for everyone except banks who get the surcharge on profits cut from 8% to just 3% which will allow them to help the economy by using that extra money to give to themselves and get even fancier paper to write the fee for your increased overdraft letter on. Its funny isn’t it that when Rishi Sunak said he’d fix the mistakes of his predecessor, it turns out the only mistake helium filled tea towel Liz Truss made when saying bankers would keep more of their bonuses was that she said it out loud instead of hiding it deep in a much bigger statement.


If you’re a middle-income earner you’ll lose a lot of money, if you’re a low income earner you’ll have an even worse time and if you’re a high income earner let’s face it you’ll pay someone else to worry about how many staff you’ll have to sack so you can still spend 6 months of the year on holiday. There are a lot of stealth taxes which is terrible news for ninjas and public spending is being put through the shredder except the NHS and education who are being given just enough money to stay afloat in the sea for a little bit longer before they drown realising no one is really coming to save them. Hunt is insistent that the rich are going to have to make larger sacrifices, but he could just mean that over 300,000 excess deaths from the last bout of austerity wasn’t enough so they’re really going to have to make this bout worth it to appease the Tory donors. Surely all this worsening of living standards is worth it because it’ll get rid of that economic black hole that isn’t there though right? Even though you know, we could also not go through this and collectively say, that’s not a black hole, you’re just looking too deeply into your own piss-hole eyes in the mirror Jeremy. Well no, it won’t do that either. The head of the Confederation of Business Industry has said the Chancellor has done nothing to actually help growth, and the Office for Budget responsibility have said GDP will only increase by 2024 half the amount they had previously forecast. Yeah well who wants a big GDP anyway, then we’d have to find somewhere to put it and there’s enough of a housing crisis as it is. The OBR went one step further and dared to mention the B word. No, not ‘bastards’ which would have been apt, but Brexit, saying that our trade intensity, which is the glare you give the person handed you the goods and what level of Hans Zimmer track is playing at the time, that is 15% lower than if we’d remained in the EU and our economy is fucked accordingly. I’m paraphrasing obvs. Is this because we’re now having to all believe in a black hole that wasn’t there that its now ok to reveal our previous beliefs created by a bus weren’t substantial? I mean it was a bus, it had to be trustworthy. They’re the ones we wave down if the police are about to murder us. We will have the sharpest GDP decline in Europe in 2023 but that’s good right? I mean it sounds like a European word anyway and I’m pretty sure real Brits just have GBP. I’m definitely an expert on such things because I once read a reply to a tweet where someone said they knew what they were talking about and their avatar was a cow with a union jack painted on it.


Has the Brexit ship now sailed? I mean, of course not as it would have too many forms to fill in at the harbour and then all the staff fired so they could hire overseas workers on even lower pay. I mean it’s not a good sign when former Environment Secretary and cross between a gnome and the last man in the office on a Friday George Eustice told the commons last week that the UK Australia deal was a failure for the UK. I mean that’s not what he said at the time but he had a job to keep and why stand-up for better standards of living when you could miss out on getting bullied at a cabinet office meeting on a rainy day in January. He said overall the UK gave away far too much for too little in return. Aw but that’s cos we’re hella generous right? Here Australia, have full access to our beef and sheep markets but don’t worry about paying for it, we’ll just have some of those biscuits our floppy haired crash test dummy of a leader likes. That’s what we do all the time. Hey Dido, here’s £37bn. No don’t worry about an app that actually works, just have a lovely time with your horses. Oi, friend of a friend, have several million for PPE. What is that? Don’t worry about it mate, just have a great weekend and send over some bin bags when you get two mins. See? We’re just a giving bunch. Just not with benefits and if you even think about messing with them the DWP will send their newly acquired ED209 to kick your face off. Over the weekend the government did their usual tactic of leaking an idea in the press to see if anyone liked it before retracting it again. This time was the possibility of changing our Brexit deal to more of a Swiss style arrangement, but not in the way we currently have it which is so it’s basically like we signed our own euthanasia agreement. They meant more the sort of relationship that the EU hates and is currently trying to rearrange, but I suppose it could really have helped with the deficit if we’d wangled some Nazi gold out of it. After most-hard Brexiteer politicians who won’t be happy unless we spend millions shifting the entire country further west into the Atlantic, all complained about such a possibility, the Prime Minister very publicly backtracked on such a deal being considered. ‘I believe in Brexit’ said Sunak, like a car salesman insisting he was giving you the best vehicle around as he hands over the keys to something that is half BMX bike, half obelisk. He said that Brexit is already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities to the country but then didn’t specify any of them and maybe it’s just that we don’t know them as they go to another school. The only one that was hinted at was that we can now pursue trade deals with the world’s fastest growing economies, which we’re now not one of because of Brexit. Still, it’ll be exciting to see what deals we get with the new big kids in town and how many biscuits we can get sent in exchange for them owning every ounce of our existence.


It’s a bit of a different tune to the one Sunak was singing last week, in his ever monotone voice that could make even zip-a-dee-do-dah sound like someone doing extensive drilling work. The Prime Minister said in an interview that the UK’s reputation has taken a knock, which is an incredible understatement. It’s like finding a body at the bottom of a cliff and going ‘ah they’ve just had a bit of a fall.’ He wouldn’t say what it was down to though other than global issues. Yes, definitely global issues that mean our country is going through the worst fall in living standards since records began and nowhere else in the world is. Maybe that is because since Brexit we are now global Britain and so its only us that global issues affect? Maybe we’re such a force on the world stage and just so generous that we’ve taken the bullet for everyone? It’s been a busy week for the Prime Minister. As well as telling everyone things will be fixed by them all getting worse, he made a surprise visit to Ukraine probably because they wouldn’t have let him in if he’d given advanced notice and he hadn’t had an invite. He met Eastern European Jeremy Renner and Ukrainian President Volodymir Zelenskyy days after the country had been subject to horrendous missile attacks from Russia. Sunak said they discussed the most important issues for both countries and global security, before pledging £50m in defence aid to Ukraine. Yes, Ukraine does need help but it’s strange that the Prime Minister thinks what’s also best for children in Britain is a whole load of drones elsewhere, while they get frostbite from sitting at home. I do think it’s good Britain keep supporting Ukraine through this awful time and you never know, with Britain’s help in just 20 years from now if they’re really lucky we might totally abandon them, and they’ll get taken over by the Taliban. Then the Prime Minister filmed himself putting up a football chart on the wall which was more important than anything us, and managed to even make some meaningless statements about fearing for his daughter’s safety on her walk to school, following so many crimes against women and children. Well, if you will let the Met police escort her mate, chances are much higher of something terrible happening to her. I bet she’s too posh to even know what a bus is in order to wave one down for help too.


The Labour Party have been hard at work this week standing up for British people, with Labour leader and the physical embodiment of bumping into your least favourite person at work in the supermarket and they insist on talking to you Keir Starmer, saying that he accepts the government’s black hole calculation. Yeah you show those economists that say it doesn’t exist Keir! Sod their numbers and understanding! What do they know? Thing is, when you’re with your peer group and they all say they can see something, its embarrassing if you disagree right? I fully bet Starmer was the kid who pretended to sip booze the others got from the shop and then acted drunk completely unconvincingly for hours till no one invited him out with them again. Labour want to be the party of sound finances which is a great collection of words to put together to mean nothing. What are sound finances? When you have to pay for spotify every month? The noise it makes when you open an empty wallet? What Labour say it means is that they’ll also be using the made up concept of an inescapable region of spacetime to mean they’d do austerity as well just you know, differently, like with a lemonade top or something. The big Labour policy announcement though was that they would abolish the House of Lords, and replaced it with a new reformed upper chamber, stripping politicians of the power to appoint people there. This has the potential to be a very good idea but without details I’m scared Starmer is thinking of a US style senate where every 4 years the British people will elect whichever party is in opposition to have a majority, they’ll block all the commons policies and we’ll be in a constant state of limbo until oblivion. Then again sitting around doing nothing does appear to be Starmer’s battle plan at the best of times. While Sunak was trying very hard to make people think he likes football, Starmer was really convincing them by doing a video listing his favourite football moments, one of which was when England losing to Germany on penalties in 1996. But then I guess a big part of his life so far has been being part of a team that never quite gets there so maybe it was inspirational to him? The Labour leader was interviewed in Times Magazine where it revealed the real Starmer, who it turns it is exactly the same as the one we normally know about and not very interesting. In it Starmer admitted, totally falling for the internet gag, that he had kissed a Tory and didn’t regret it. Great, well done you big man though I’m still in doubt he doesn’t just mean the pinky on a picture of the former queen. The big question is, if he did was it any good or did they put zero effort in, in-case it gave him any benefits? And more importantly for if Labour get in power, would you kiss a working class person or are you only up for fucking them over? Anyway, I suppose in some ways we can see he’s put passion before politics and with that sort of attitude he might not get into government but he’ll definitely end up as a contestant on I’m a Celebrity.





Hey hey hey ParPolBrods. Another week, another, er, week. They just keep happening these weeks don’t they? So selfish. Are you watching the world cup? I’m not and it is because I am very much against it being in Qatar, unlike last time when it was held in a friendly nation that upholds human rights, you know, Russia. I know people protested about that one at the time but I guess we didn’t know about it because then Russia were kindly propping up the Conservatives so it wasn’t as much of an issue. It’s also because it was on at 1pm today and I was busy writing this. But you know, I’m also not going to watch it out of principal and because I don’t really like football. At least the next one is in the very LGBTQI+ tolerant and equality strong USA. Oh. Oh well. Urgh it is cold and wet and all the things I remember I don’t like at this time of year. Except I did like them when I was at home and warm and not in them but now we’re playing that fun game of don’t turn the heating off until you could be found by explorers and your DNA used to make a park full of duplicate clones of yourself that goes horribly wrong and Sam Neill and Laura Dern have to save everyone. This is of course a silly thing to say. There is no way I could get over even a small fence let alone a huge electric one. We’re with Octopus Energy and I say that, not to give them any sort of promotion because they’re not paying me for one and I wouldn’t anyway because fuck energy companies. But they did their Super Saver Session last week so we took part because it’s great when the people have to make up for the shortcomings in infrastructure brought on by poor governance and greed. But also you know, its good for the planet to cut down which is true. Not as good as 12 massive companies just fucking cutting it out with the CO2 emissions…sorry. Its hard this ethical life right? Anyway, we tried to turn off as many things as we could in the hour which must be pretty hard for people with medical things they need to have on endlessly. But we did it. Where I failed was trying to persuade my agent, sorry daughter, that she also needed to use little to no energy for the hour. Turns out that unfortunately you can still shout, sing and jump on the sofa like a tiny vandal in the mostly dark. It was worth a try and apparently, we saved just over £1 of energy so drinks on me lads. Yes, the drink is rain water I collected in a paper cup. Isn’t it amazing that a few years ago they predicted 2022 would be all flying cars and robot chefs but here we are having to sit in the dark for an hour to stop the grid from falling over. We’ve done so well as a species. So bloody well.


Thank you absolutely loads this week to Michael who heard my desperate whiny plea last week about this show having no reviews in ages and he fell for it. I mean very kindly wrote some nice words on Apple Podcasts. Hugely appreciated, and should any of you fancy doing the same that’d be great. Apparently even after going for 6 years now there’s still not enough reviews on Spotify to even show them so if you can bear to head to the platform that pays the absolute least to artists then please give us a nice 5 star there and maybe one day I’ll get 0.00000001p off them. Thanks big times also to Conal for the ko-fi donation and of course if you are somehow with bulging wallets even in these skint times, then please buy me a coffee at or even do it monthly by joining the patreon at


Other things to say this week is that I’m obvs aware that there’s a lot of news about asylum seekers and immigration at the moment and its all bleak as fuck from the human rights point of view. Hey at least you can switch off from it and watch the footie eh? Oh. Oh well. But I haven’t got a guest on this show lined up to talk about it. Why oh why would I be so rubbish and untopical? Well its because I’ve had a lot of guests talk about it on this show before and depressingly absolutely fuck all has changed, if not got worse. So instead I tweeted and wherever else’d links to all previous interviews about that subject and I’ll pop a link to that thread in the blurb this week if you want to go back and hear brilliant people talk about sad things. You know, like every episode. On a much less depressing note, well it depends on your point of view I suppose, I was asked questions by excellent telly writer Chris Douch for his Writers At Various Stages of Development site and blog, and I wrote very long answers back and people have been nice about it. Well two of them anyway. So I’ve posted a link to that in the blurb this week too if you fancy a read.


This week’s episode has a Labour based interview. Yes, remember them? The other lot. Turns out while being better than this lot, they’re still shit. Ah British politics. Choices there for all one end of the political spectrum.





I don’t often talk much about the Labour Party aka the opposition aka the other lot on this podcast, mainly because after I’ve got through the absolute shitstorm the Conservatives have managed to conjure up within just 7 days there’s usually only seconds left to try to remind you any other political parties exist. But we have to, well at least I do, remember that it is necessary to scrutinise those that are likely to be the next lot in charge just as much, because well, otherwise they’ll get away with all the awful shit too. It isn’t true that all parties are exactly the same, I mean, for a start one is blue and the other is red. I mean those are not even close on the Dulux colour chart. But also if you look at fiscal policy, the Conservatives believe against most economist’s advice that there is a Treasury black hole and austerity is the way forward whereas Labour…oh. Oh well. The Conservatives want to clamp down on boats crossing the channel without opening any safe routes, or refining their system all while dehumanising those who’ve risked their lives to come here. While Labour on the other hand…oh. Look, it will be better with a Labour government rather than a Tory one not least because a change is as good as a rest, but it’s worth noting that Labour for the last few years seemed to have operated on the basis that by doing very little they’ll still win against a crumbling government and so all focus should instead be on putting off everyone who did vote for them last time. Since Keir Starmer took over as party leader, much effort has been made trying to erase all memory of Corbyn years that made them so unpopular they only got 10m votes across the UK in the 2019 election, compared to the Conservatives 13m. Polls since have shown the majority of votes against them were less to do with antisemitism accusations, which did affect votes in certain areas, but more to do with their wishy-washy stance on Brexit opting to campaign for a 2nd referendum rather than do, well anything else. The brainchild of one Sir Keir Starmer. It’s a lot like finding a bug in a computer program and making an update using just that code and nothing else. The rest of the Labour manifesto however, proved popular. So popular in fact the Conservatives have been nearly sticking to its promises since. Yet for Labour, their aim has been to focus on not doing any of those and has been working hard to remove any whiff of left wing from its divisions. While the party are known for opposing themselves more than any other party and there are many tales of internal meddling in candidate selections, in recent months this has escalated so people get less say in who represents them than they did for new Prime Minister. Not the new, new Prime Minister. The one before. The lying one. No after the other lying one and before this lying one. Yes, that one. Candidates have been blocked from running to stand as the area’s MP, with several who are already Labour MPs being told they’d have to face a reselection vote. According to Starmer this is just because he wants MPs who are a high standard and the very best for the future. Which does make sense but when you’re telling local constituency parties they can’t have who they’d like, I wonder if Starmer just meant he’d like a bunch of robots he can control directly from HQ. Should we be watching how democratic Labour are as a group when they could run the country in the same way? Does rigging votes just show they’re ready for government? And does Keir Starmer really do his hair by standing under a plane as it takes off?


Ok not the last one, but for the other two I spoke this week to several time podguest Maurice Mcleod. Previously I’ve spoken to Maurice on issues of racism on account of his previous work as part of the brilliant Media Diversified, but for this week it’s about his role as a Labour councillor for 4 years for Battersea Park. He was recently blocked to take part in the running to become the next MP for Camberwell and Peckham for what, as you’ll hear, are very silly and vague reasons. You might have seen Maurice pop up talking about this on a fair bit of media in the last few weeks and I should also say that we spoke before the Camberwell and Peckham candidate was announced. Miatta Fahnbulleh was revealed as the winner last week, who by all accounts seems great and may well have won regardless. And the candidate that was parachuted in by the Labour NEC didn’t get anywhere near. And we also mention Ian Byrne who was reselected to run as the MP for Liverpool West Derby by his local branch despite a lot of things being thrown against him. So, some happy endings, hopefully. But that doesn’t stop this being a very important chat about undemocratic decisions with Maurice who is still amazingly very kind and diplomatic about a party that have, as you’ll hear, given him quite a rough deal. And as we mention before angry people on social media go ‘well you’re just going to let the Tories back in then’, no. Not at all. But it is constantly boring how the mindset in the UK is well, we’ll just have the least shit option then, rather than thinking there’s nothing to stop us hoping for better or at least wanting the party that likely will beat the Conservatives to stop being ridiculous. Hope you enjoy, here is Maurice.






Thanks to Maurice for making his third appearance on this show and as he said, he’s basically a regular now. I’m not sure that’s of much benefit to him but I’m very grateful he’s still up for coming on the show. You can find Maurice @mowords on twitter for now, and Instagram, and he’s still a councillor in Battersea Park because he’s a better person than I am. I’d have been handing that membership card back in with a various swears written on it in a series of imaginative colours.


I’m all good for guests up until the Christmas break now, but if you’ve got suggestions for who I might need to chat to in 2023, what will the big issues be then? How do we stop robots taking over, or can we survive living only on moss? Probably one of those. But if you’ve got other ideas and in particular who I should talk to about them, drop me a line @parpolbro on Twitter and Facebook, or by emailing me at




All finito for this week’s ParPolBro, but thank your lovely faces for tuning in and should those very same faces be true and kind and eyes that are gentle and so would mean you wouldn’t get hired to work in the Home Office. Then maybe you could use them to articulate and gesture to other kind souls that this here show exists. Or you know, use whichever social media is still online and that way you don’t actually have to talk to anyone. But either way, please do recommend to others, if you can afford to, donate to the to buy me a coffee or join the to er, teach me how to make a coffee. No wait, I already know. Just you know, buy me monthly coffee. And if you so fancy it, please do give us a nice review on Apple Podcasts, spotify or anywhere else podcasts hide.


Credit where it is due to Acast, my brother the Last Skeptik and Kat Day.


This will be back next week when Keir Starmer reveals that when he says he kissed a Tory, he just meant the pic of Thatcher by his bed every night before he goes to sleep.




This week’s show is sponsored by Rishi Sunak’s World Cup guide: Featuring top tips on who all the top ball kicker men are, the top 5 moments that happened on whatever that grass bit is called, how best to sell arms to the worst human rights abusers, and spot the ball. Oh wait, sorry there isn’t one due to necessary cuts.

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