Further Reading

Ep180

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that survives a heatwave by being hella cool. Sorry, I mean, by already being hosted by a melt. I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as the only person left at No.10, Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster Kit Malthouse aka Shit Brickhouse looking like a punched flesh-light declares that the government were prepared for the heat wave, and we can’t all expect things to run like they do in the midwinter. I think he’s doing himself down as usually during that time of year travel is disrupted, schools close and hospitals are overrun as well.

Things are heating up. Not in the Tory leadership election where the candidates are so cold and dead inside it will never get higher than -4 degrees at best. No, I mean in the UK which is experiencing record breaking high temperatures. Yeah, the spirit of Roy Castle would be chuffed and possibly also on fire. The Met Office has issued its first ever red warning, because yes, the political bias in this country is absurd. Next, they’ll be tweeting about chaos with Ed Milliband and launching a leadership campaign slogan. Luckily the UK government are….er….where are they? Has anyone seen them? Have they evaporated? We can only hope except they’ve mostly been missing since last week. Somehow still Prime Minister and fetid lump of stilton left out in the heatwave Boris Johnson announced during Prime Minister’s Questions last week that it was probably his last one, even though, er, there’s this week’s PMQs. Look, we all hate handing over to a newbie when you want to take your box of donor paid for takeaways and wallpaper out of the office and put two fingers up at the old job, but it’s tricky to do that when you are leader of the country. I would say it was clear Johnson had given up trying, but we could’ve said that at any point in his career and it’d have been true then too. He gave Labour leader and drybrushed electrical cabinet Keir Starmer a new nickname that didn’t even feel like he’d tried. Which again, we could have said…ok you get it by now. Captain Crasharoony Snoozefest is the sort of title you’d give someone who was bullying you if you were an unimaginative 6 year old who’d just wet themselves. Yet that’s what he blustered out before insisting he was proud of everything he’d done, even though that’s only really let 200,000 people die unnecessarily and shag a hairdresser, and that he would be leaving with his head held high. So presumably carried out by an ambulance team after his leaving party goes too hard. It’s not just the Prime Minister though. Home Secretary and only person who’d put on the one ring and become a better person Priti Patel didn’t bother turning up to a Home Office Affairs committee meeting because she said of ‘recent changes in government’. Has anything really changed though when you have an ineffective prime minister who can’t do anything? Isn’t that…yes look it’s the same joke again but what else is there? Pictures showed Patel happily drinking at a party the night before so that’s probably the real reason, though I do think if she can’t be bothered to attend an arranged meeting and present evidence then she should probably get put in a detention centre then deported, just for fairses.

Justice Secretary and the dangers of laminating your own head Dominic Raab pulled out of this week’s meeting of the Joint Committee of Human Rights, with a spokesperson saying he’d turn up after summer. Total skiver. I mean by then I guess it’ll have finished unless it’s a really long meeting. The committee said they were extremely disappointed but were they? I can’t imagine anything better than hearing you don’t have to talk to Dominic Raab or look at his face where the skin looks like it’s barely clinging on to every crevice. Before he vanished, no doubt to go on holiday which is his favourite place to be when he’s actually needed, Raab popped up on a few of the news shows to give really helpful advice about the heatwave, such as ‘everyone should just go out and enjoy the sunshine.’ Is it a hope that much of the country will listen to him and frazzle themselves out of existence? Or is it that for lizard people 40 degree heat is pretty comfortable? I wouldn’t mind this endless bravado about terrible situations, claiming they’re nothing to worry about, if the politicians who said them were then made to endure them. A sort of Bear Grylls style show, where MPs are thrown onto an island full of extreme dangers and have to constantly reassure everyone there’s nothing to worry about. ‘We should be grateful this Komodo dragon wants to eat us.’ ‘In my day everyone had leprosy and we didn’t complain when our faces fell off, so you should just get on with it.’ I’m an MP, leave me here. I deserve it.

Boris Johnson didn’t attend a Cobra meeting this weekend about the heatwave because he was too busy at his farewell party at Chequers on the public’s expense. So, I suppose it’s nice to see there’s some consistency in his career. I do hope everyone invited only attended for 10 minutes because they felt they had to and could therefore say it was a work event. In fact, while the Cobra meeting was on, Johnson was pissing about talking about getting to go in an RAF jet. When asked why he had time for that and not the meeting on Britain melting, his spokesperson said ‘its important for the PM to have firsthand experience of how fighter pilots work.’ Is it? A leaving PM? Is that so he can sell loads of them to Saudi as soon as he leaves post? Or because he’ll need one to get him out of the country once we find out everything he’s done in the last few years. Somehow last week Johnson was allowed to take controls of an RAF Typhoon, which seems like a silly decision considering how he’s managed to have some sort of car crash every day of his premiership. Oh no, actually I get it now. It’s a brilliant decision, and I applaud whichever wing commander decided it would be ok and I’m sad it didn’t go to plan.

If you wanted an even bigger sign that Johnson’s government they just can’t be arsed anymore, you know apart from everything they’ve done since being in power, they blocked Labour’s push for a vote of no confidence in them, instead insisting on doing their own one. Nothing is more of a slur to the opposition than not even having faith that they’d have as little confidence in the cabinet as they do themselves. That is, assuming they even turn up to vote on it. They did actually and Johnson spent 44 minutes bigging himself up before slamming Labour for calling for the no confidence vote even though the government did it. In his speech Johnson said he’d delivered on every single one of his promises, which is something many women have heard before as he runs out the door with trousers round his ankles. It is absolutely not true, unless he made promises to himself not to do any of his political promises and in which case he’s right. He accused Starmer of being part of the deep state that’s trying to bring down Brexit, which is silly as why would any of them want to hang around with him when he can’t even do a work event properly enough to get a fine? And also Starmer said he won’t reverse Brexit so if that is somehow true, he’s doing a shit job at that as well. It’s great that in his final time as Prime Minister, assuming he’s not still there for another 6 months, Johnson went full on conspiracy idiot which is not only worrying but also a shame he hasn’t donned a tinfoil hat too as then we wouldn’t have to see that fucking mop anymore. Does he really believe Starmer is part of some conspiracy illumanti crew, despite him very unsuccessfully doing anything so far except watch Johnson destroy his own party? Or is it that after hanging out with KGB agents, getting them to buy him a media room and handing out peerages left, right and centre that Johnson just assumes that everyone else must do the same? During Starmer’s response, Culture Secretary and the reason they have to put a warning about peanuts on packets of peanuts, Nadine Dorries yelled ‘you’re boring’ at the leader of the opposition like a petulant child. The way she did it was just like my 4 year old does when I tell her she has to brush her teeth. It’s made me realise exactly which portion of the public Dorries represents. Of course, Starmer is boring, as is brushing teeth, but yet Dorries would make me side with either of them against her in the same way I’d side with a shit comedy open spot who should never do stand up again, against a stupid drunk heckler who shouldn’t have been allowed out of the house.

It’s hard to know if it’s better not to have the Demolition Crew in force for a while, or worse because it’s now the dregs that remain in charge like you’ve handed over controls to the work experience kid and given them the keys to lock up, despite having seen them unable to tie their own shoelaces earlier that day. Now we have Kit Malthouse and current Health Secretary Steve Barclay who look, I still can’t even remember even while looking at him, somehow as the team helping us through this heatwave by, well, not really doing anything. Steve Barclay has promised ambulance capacity will be increased but he hasn’t said how as they’re already understaffed, so I presume he’ll just send a memo round saying they can leave their doors open or attach a trailer or something. The hot weather does do that though, you know, make everyone not arsed to do anything. I can only assume the heating in Westminster has been broken for years.

Tory leadership candidates former Chancellor and star of the Ice Age films Rishi Sunak and still Foreign Secretary and inspiration for HeiHei in Moana Liz Truss showed their readiness to be Prime Minister by dropping out of the last televised candidate debate, causing it to be cancelled. One hand, exactly what Boris Johnson would have done, but also by pulling out early, they both showed they are also very different to him. I’m glad it was cancelled as frankly it’s ridiculous there are televised debates when the next Tory leader can only be voted for by party members, so all it does is give us a heads up on how terrified to be about the future. It’s like getting to see live dashcam footage of the car you’re shoved in the boot of, as it careers off a cliff. All the debates so far have been much like watching the weakest link but where everyone is. They’ve all been saying that they will be a change from the government that they were part of, supported and defended but now think was terrible but also great depending on which bits they did that they now want you to know about. Then they all attacked each other, saying that each other’s policies are inadequate and don’t make sense while also insisting they’ll work together as a team. They’re the last group of kids that no one else picked to work with being bundled together for their Drama GCSE performance and you know the lights will go up onstage and half of them will have wandered off and the rest won’t know their lines. We’re meant to trust them to look after us when they’ve just spent an hour slagging off the people they’re supposedly friends with. They all want to restore trust in politics when they could’ve done that at any point since 2010 by just not lying, and they all are concerned that Britain is at a critical point. Yes, because you did it. It feels like a kidnapper telling a hostage that they’re the hero because you’re in a tricky situation and with my leadership you could escape. When we all know that in reality, they’ll just tighten the ropes and get kicks out of waterboarding.

Where there were 11 candidates there are now just four, until on Wednesday the final two will remain and god I wish it was because of a Street Fighter-esque tournament. Patel decided not to run in the first place, probably because it would have required turning up to things and she wouldn’t have been able to due to recent changes in government. Former health secretary and tragic 8 ball Sajid Javid also dropped out, maybe so he can spend more time learning to live with Covid. Transport Secretary and discarded face mask used by a recently returning 70s rock band Grant Shapps dropped out in order to back Rishi because that way he can give him at least three votes. Then new but actually old and confused face Rehman Chistie had to drop out because his only supporter was him, which proves sometimes believing in yourself if stupid. In Chistie’s open letter explaining his decision which wasn’t really his to make, he said his campaign was a ‘bottom up’ one. Which is true, he showed everyone he’s an arse.

The first round then took out inflatable arm flailing man Jeremy Hunt as everyone clearly remembered who he was, and Walter Shite Nadhim Zawahi too which is good because it would have been tricky for him to say he wanted to return trust to politics, when we’d all know he just means the place he keeps his money so he doesn’t have to pay any tax on it. Then in the second round, thank fuck, the worst ever superhero Suella Braverman, was knocked out. She had launched her campaign saying ‘don’t vote for me because of my colour or because I’m a woman, but because I’m the right candidate’ which really worked out well for her in the end. As she labelled herself, Braverman was the only true Brexit candidate in the contest. So I guess she’d have been overjoyed to leave as soon as possible. Then out went excited apple Tom Tugendhat who was in the army if you didn’t know from the twelve million times, he brought it up. Tugendhat was in the army, Mordaunt was in the Navy, or was a Navy reservist or once saw a boat in a book or wore blue. And Liz Truss is all air force-d into a power suit.

Tugendhat’s campaign insisted he was a ‘clean start’ from the government he’s supported as a Tory MP since 2015. How is that a clean start? Or is it because the Conservatives have managed to destroy so much it’d be like starting from scratch and having a shit time all over again? One of his posts featured a picture of Keir Starmer through a Sin City style filter, making him look cooler than anything Labour has managed so far. In it he claimed Labour would weaken our defence, commit reckless spending and divide the union. So Starmer would just be continuing the current party goals? It basically made it sound like he’s the ideal Tory leadership candidate instead.

So now we have Sunak, Truss, Badenoch, and Penny ‘big shit retail manager that you hate energy’ Mordaunt.

Sunak’s is currently far in the lead with votes because he’s probably bought them. His campaign promised a clean contest, which is what comes from having so much experience with laundering over the years. He made a big deal about not demonising Boris Johnson, which is smart because the Prime Minister would be a terrible demon. You’d lay out the pentagram, light all the candles and pledge to sell your soul and he wouldn’t even show up as he’d be at a party. Sunak has all the plans to fix the economy so it’s odd he didn’t use any of them as chancellor. Some of these include tax cuts, which like all the other candidates and their tax cuts proposals, he hasn’t mentioned any details about how. But I’m almost certain he’ll slightly bring down the tax rises he put through then pretend he’s a champion of the people while hoping you’ll never ask why a multi-millionaire is so desperate for a job that pays him pocket money. ‘Judge me by my actions, not my wealth’ he said. Ok, so instead of being a law breaking, money losing, inadequate help giving, charm devoid billionaire twat who benefitted off the global financial crash we’ll just consider you a law breaking, money losing, inadequate help giving, charm devoid twat who benefitted off the global crash. Sunak has been criticising the other candidate’s spending plans, saying they are too expensive and unaffordble. Probably true. If only he hadn’t lose that £11bn in covid fraud and we could’ve done them all. Shame. He’s promised to scrap hundreds of remaining EU laws and regulations, and promised a big bang 2.0 for the city which I hope means it’ll all get sucked into a black hole and be replaced by magma oceans and primordial ooze that’ll likely be less damaging to other people and do a ton less cocaine. Sunak says he has always backed Brexit because it was the right thing to do for the country, even when he was warned it could ruin his career. There really is nothing more rebellious than someone who isn’t worried about screwing up his job because he’s already on the Sunday Time Rich List and his wife is richer than the Queen. Oh sorry, we have to judge him by his actions. Nothing more rebellious than a man who isn’t worried about screwing up his job as he did loads already and still kept it because the Conservatives are the worst and have no dignity or standards.

Liz Truss tried to give her campaign a kick up the arse by giving a speech where she said she was ready to hit the ground running. Which is funny, as that is how I imagine her running. Truss has tried to set herself out as an economic heir to the vampire walnut that was Margaret Thatcher, as opposed to her actual heir who was imprisoned for funding a coup in Equatorial Guinea. Still, I’m sure Truss could manage that by accident and claim it was all her trying to get an amazing trade deal with a guerrilla military faction. Truss has tried to emulate Thatcher by wearing the same clothes as her in many a photo, so I can only hope it’s not long before she does a speech covered in eggs or dressed in a coffin. Giving her origin story, the Foreign Secretary said her parents were left wing activists but she became Tory when at school she saw her classmates let down by the quality of education and said that was Labour’s fault. I mean the education must’ve been rotten as her entire years in school were under a Tory government. Or maybe she thought it was great that kids had a terrible time because it’s very possible none of them liked her and she’s been out for revenge to make their lives even worse since.

Kemi Badenoch, who looks like she’d try to scab a ciggie off you behind the school sports hall, then use it as evidence to shop you into the teacher, kicked off her campaign by labelling the toilets at her launch venue distinctly as male and female. It was meant to hammer home her anti-trans stance but as they were both single occupancy toilets, she just became an idiot who made everyone have to queue to have a wee. Badenoch wants to abolish gender neutral toilets, but does that mean in her home she had one just for women and one for men? What about restaurants or small establishments with just one loo? Will whoever isn’t covered by that have to shit directly outside? Does putting a sign on a toilet door really stop people from going in and if so, can we stop Kemi Badenoch from ever being able to go to the loo by just labelling them as toilets just for people who don’t jump on a controversy bandwagon for votes from people who have no real values? Still maybe the country will be overjoyed that while they can’t pay their heating bills, they will know exactly which toilet to go into just to use the warm water over winter. Considering she’s adamantly against self-ID, Badenoch is telling everyone that she’s an anti-woke campaigner. Me too, because I always want more sleep and I protest about that to my daughter at 6am most mornings. Isn’t that what she means? I do wish someone would actually ask her. She has blamed the housing crisis on immigration, which I mean, is probably fair as if we hadn’t had Brexit more builders would have been able to come here and work in construction.  Britain First have told its members to vote for Badenoch as apparently, in a complete not surprise revelation thousands of their supporters are Tory Party members. Must make Kemi Badenoch so proud that she has the backing of a bunch of people who if they’d seen her on a beach would probably have tried to drown her.

Penny Mordant was in the lead last week, but is now in second place after people googled everything she said and realised it was all bollocks. Though to be fair, that should make her Prime Minister material straight away. Suspiciously and almost certainly not by her rivals, leaked documents revealed that her stance on gender self-identification – because yes that is all the candidates can talk about because the only thing that is important on the planet is how awful it’d be if we were all confused by pronouns as we get swept away by fire tsunamis. Is it I hope they develop gills, or he develops gills now that the entire city is underwater? We just can’t have that at all – It revealed Mordaunt’s stance on being against it wasn’t true and she was actually for watering down legislation. Yes, but which bathroom can someone go in to get the water Penny? Come on, these issues are important to Conservatives because how do they know which toilet to go in to safely clean up after sexually harassing people at work? Penny has also claimed to have experience as a Royal Navy reserve, but hasn’t ever been deployed or received a salary from the Navy, so maybe she thinks reserve experience comes from simply sitting on a bench and waiting? Mordaunt’s own campaign is terrible. One slogan she tweeted was ‘my whole campaign is built around a team.’ What does that mean? Does it mean anything? She could have tweeted ‘I believe in beliefs’ or ‘We need to take things back to the future past again for the first time.’ Or was it literal? Is her campaign built around a team and they are now trapped? How do we get them out? Will we need to send divers and will Elon Musk call someone a paedophile again? Today she tweeted a chart from the Sun that shows she has the same amount of support as a candidate as the none/unsure option does. Incredible. I should be leader because I’m as popular as people wishing none of us were here at all.

The attacks between the candidates started getting more personal once the TV debates began, which is amazing for 5 people who haven’t got a personality. Several of the other candidates have said Mordaunt is woke, and Sunak said she was more socialist than former Labour leader and old man of the sea Jeremy Corbyn which only makes sense if he thinks a socialist is someone that attends a lot of shit parties. As well as the leak about Mordaunt, another one showed that Liz Truss charges her Amazon Prime account to taxpayers though I bet that is because she thinks it’s a successful trade deal with Brazil. Rishi Sunak has been blamed for fuelling inflation during the pandemic, which he did, but he’s defended it by saying the pandemic costs should be treated like war debt. Thing is, that doesn’t work as well when you were definitely on the side of Covid. Pictures emerged of Sunak wearing £490 Prada shoes on a visit to a building site, because of course he did. To him that’s his garden pair. He also didn’t wear a hard hat, and I just want to applaud the site manager who said that was fine and I’m so sorry it didn’t work out like you planned. There’s not been much against Tugendhat probably on account of how unbelievably boring he is, or against Badenoch because as the only black candidate there’s no way the highly racist Tory members will vote for her anyway but will be happy she took part so they can pretend they aren’t and will bring it up at their all white parties about how well she did despite everything. It’s this sort of bants that people say caused Sunak and Truss to drop out of the last debate, but I reckon its actually because they want to be the most anti-woke candidates and so cancelled themselves in order to complain about it for the rest of the contest.

One more week of this shit and then a whole summer till the next Conservative head arsehole is anointed. All candidates have ruled out a general election for at least two years because they believe in democracy and that means we’ll be stuck with them for a while, fucking things up but with a different face. I really wish they could all learn from the previous lot and just stop bothering to show up at all, and the maybe come September we’ll never have to hear from any of them again.

In other news, Labour leader Keir Starmer has been criticised after filming part of a campaign video at the Holocaust memorial without mentioning the Holocaust or well, anything to do with it. The Campaign Against Anti-Semitism says it was antisemitic for him to do that, and so you’d expect Starmer to expel himself from the party immediately. Instead, he said he didn’t use the Holocaust Memorial for political purposes, so I guess it must have just crept up on him while he was filming a video asking people to support Labour. I guess sometimes important historical places built to remember tragedies can just do that. Various former members of the CAA including least liked in the mushroom kingdom and most well-known for working with the BNP and not believing children that they were being abused Margaret Hodge, has now criticised them for always using antisemitism to attack Labour. When did they start doing that? Was it after she was made an honorary member in 2018 and they passed her the dossier of 200 incidents of antisemitism in Labour? Or after? I mean if she’s saying they dramatically overstated the problem for political reasons, then it should be any second now she has the whip taken away. Right?

The Conservatives won a vote of 289 to 202 to replace striking workers with agency workers, which is not only a shitty move to workers who are demanding better conditions but also means your train security could be managed by a kid who’s previous experience was one week of reception duty three months before. You know where we do need the option of agency staff taking over? Well right now, there doesn’t seem to be anyone at Westminster except Steven Barclay whose barely there to begin with so, you know it might be an idea.

Former housing minister and man who looks like he’s been in a heatwave since birth Michael Gove has insisted after a No.10 source reportedly called him a snake, that he isn’t a snake. Which is exactly what a snake in disguise would say. He’s also been accused of masterminding a sleeper cell to back Kemi Badenoch, which would suit her as she’s anti-woke. The plan is to then make sure Rishi Sunak gets in so he can snake his way back into government like a snake. I mean look, this definitely explains a lot of the erratic jaw movements he does after a night out and how he definitely eats mice. Definitely.

Friends of the Earth won a court case against the government, with the high court ruling that the net zero strategy is unlawful and breaches the climate change act for not actually tackling it in any way. It is typical of this lot that the only place they’ve saved energy is when trying to come up with decent policy.

And finally, everyone’s favourite walking Emperor Palpatine impressionist The Queen has awarded the NHS the George Cross for acts of great heroism. What an amazing reward, a tiny medal that each and every member of the 1.2m NHS staff can perhaps hold onto for a few seconds each after they’ve taken up precious time sterilising it and in-between dealing with a gargantuan backlog due to underfunding. I heard if they power it up with all the claps they were given too, it goes extra shiny and causes potential hazards for patients with eyesight issues.

ADMIN

OH GOD ITS WARM. This whole episode has taken so long to do because every ten minutes I have to close my laptop before it melts through the desk. So sorry if it’s a bit all over the place but our flat is somewhere between Mordor and the floor is lava and I think I’m now permanently attached to my chair. I knew climate change would be awful and I have been terrified about it, but holy shit I had no idea how inconvenient and uncomfortable it’d be. I was just assuming we’d all go down in a mega fire tornado while at the same time being engulfed by the bath temperature sea. But no, instead it’s a slow, awful descent into 400 showers a day which will of course, make it worse, and repeated attempts at wondering if I can be any more naked. I am not naked while recording this by the way. I wouldn’t do that to you. But also to escape the chair I may have to cut myself out of my clothes. I’ll keep this brief as there’s no way your ears want more headphone time this week as it’ll just turn your brain into a gloopy hot slush puppy which sounds awful. I mean even more awful than a slush puppy. But god I could ruin a slush puppy right now. I mean drink it obvs. But also wear it.

Parliament goes on recess this Friday and lets face it, the government aren’t going to do anything now because they can’t be arsed, so this pod will take a summer break like normal after next week’s. So you can look forward to a whole August and teeny bit of September with your only focus being how many ice lollies it’s possible to put on your head before your face becomes unbearably sticky and your chased around by wasps. But you know, er listening to this podcast, er makes you cool. Yep, definitely. So do tell others to tune it to er, also be cool this summer. Ahem. And why not also do a very cool thing and donate to the ko-fi.com/parpolbro so I can buy cold drinks to pour over my head and not near my laptop, or even better, join the patreon.com/parpolbro so I can do that all year. Except when it’s cold obvs. And also maybe review the podcast on a podcast reviewing place. Thanks.

That’s it, I’m basically evaporating so have some of this:

ALL THE DESCRIPTIONS OF BORIS JOHNSON

Look, he’s going soon, right? We’re not entirely sure when but at some point soon but he’s already gone in spirit, if not in spirits, so chances are he’ll be out of Number 10 as soon as you can say holiday paid for by a donor. So after 6 years of having to talk about this utter prick of a man on this here podcast, here are all 202 descriptions I’ve called him to date. Not including this week’s obvs. Or next week’s. Or however many I still have to fucking think of until he actually pisses off. Some things to note as you listen. One, yes there are some repeating themes including jumble sales, scarecrows, beanbags and a shit version of Bagpuss. But hey, I had to write one nearly every week for 6 years so I think some repetition is ok. Secondly, I am reading these from the very earliest to the most recent. So enjoy how much more vitriolic they get as we unfortunately get to know him better.

Used jazz – if you like jazz, cheer you up as you remember what a prick johnson is. If you hate jazz, it fits with how hateable johnson was

Here is every possible way I could describe the 77^th Prime Minister of the United Kingdom:

END

That is the end of this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. I hope that cheered up your ears, if they haven’t already melted off. And if it did and they haven’t, please do recommend this show to others who may also need ear cheering in these times where it is too hot to put ear plugs in incase they melt and join to your brain and then your internal monologue is only ever other people’s podcasts. Obvs wait till it gets cooler to recommend it though if that is a worry. Please if you can, donate to the ko-fi and patreon, and maybe even give the show a nice shiny 5 star review on Apple Podcasts or one of them places.

Overly warm gratitudes to Acast, the Last Skeptik and Kat Day.

This will be back next week when the last two Conservative candidates realise the way to show their best side is to go into hiding and both disappear out of public view. Rishi Sunak wins after hiding in a very expensive and large fridge.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by Raab holidays. Go on, you deserve it, take a luxury relaxing trip to all of Dominic Raab’s favourite destinations like the middle of the Australian outback with no supplies, inside Mount Etna or on the planet Venus. Stop complaining about like a snowflake, slap some factor 3 on and enjoy the heat as your skin melts off your face meaning you’ll be indistinguishable from most Tory MPs!

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