Donnie Got Trumped – US Election, COVID Vaccine possibilities and Samantha Kutner the Proud Boy Whisperer

Released on Tuesday, November 10th, 2020.

Donnie Got Trumped – US Election, COVID Vaccine possibilities and Samantha Kutner the Proud Boy Whisperer

The Trump has gone! Well sort of, I mean not really. There’s still 11 more potentially terrifying weeks left of him as President. But America voted for Joe Biden, or at least a lot of them did. I mean 71m still voted Trump. But it’s the first sort of win in ages for anyone who likes politicians who don’t instantly seem like cartoon villains. And there may be a COVID vaccine too! But it’ll be like jumping hurdles to catch a train or something. So basically some good things which is nice. This week’s is snarky about all of them, while mainly being happy Nigel Farage will have lost £10k. Plus a chat with research consultant and Proud Boys Whisperer Samantha Kutner (@ashkenaz89) on the US election results and the far-right in America.

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Further Reading

Linear liner notes

The Trump has gone! Well sort of, I mean not really. There’s still 11 more potentially terrifying weeks left of him as President. But America voted for Joe Biden, or at least a lot of them did. I mean 71m still voted Trump. But it’s the first sort of win in ages for anyone who likes politicians who don’t instantly seem like cartoon villains. And there may be a COVID vaccine too! But it’ll be like jumping hurdles to catch a train or something. So basically some good things which is nice. This week’s is snarky about all of them, while mainly being happy Nigel Farage will have lost £10k. Plus a chat with research consultant and Proud Boys Whisperer Samantha Kutner (@ashkenaz89) on the US election results and the far-right in America.

Key links and sources of info from Samantha’s interview:

All the usual ParPolBro stuff:


Transcript

Ep210

 

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that doesn’t see red states and blue states, which is why going to see that film in 3D was a total waste of money. I’m Tiernan Douieb and it is the End of an Error, as news stations called the US election for President-Elect and face drawn on a suited balloon Joe Biden on Saturday, meaning sitting or rather lying President and petulant egg sac Donald Trump is likely set for a future where the next series of the Apprentice is just a reality show of his desperate efforts to become a someone’s prison bitch.

 

Sometimes reality provides an ending to a story that is far beyond the abilities of the world’s greatest writers. There is no imagination out there that could have conceived of the longest four years of bampot authoritarian chaos in the US coming to an end in the car park for a landscape gardening company next to a cremation centre and a sex shop, a perfect summation of Trump’s entire presidency. Burning and fucking everything while digging a massive hole and soiling himself in public. It was a perfect booking mishap, mistaking Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Philadelphia for the completely different Four Seasons Hotel, bringing Trump full circle from his campaign starting in 2014 on a downwards escalator, a metaphor that we all should’ve seen even then. As this happened, Trump wasn’t even present, choosing to spend the day where he spent most of his Presidency, golfing, the only place he can even pretend to believe in the need for a fairway. He hadn’t been allowed in public since a statement he made on Friday night that felt like a Beckett monologue if the character he was writing for was a fucking confused mess. It was an evidence free ramble of accusations of which none have been proven, and it felt like it should have finished with him flying off like a deflated balloon making raspberry noises before falling into the bin. But on Saturday he was at golf, writing everyone’s jokes for them about how it was all finishing in a bunker. Meanwhile the last dregs of his campaign bled out in a bleak industrial estate in a death fitting of a maligned movie mafia boss. Not that the Trump campaign would admit it was a mistake and Trump’s lawyer and Uncle Festering Rudy Giuliani was the perfect choice to hold the presser too, as someone who wouldn’t know the difference between a hotel or a car park as he’s clearly been caught with his pants down in both. Giuliani repeated Trump’s evidence free claims of large-scale voter fraud, because nothing says believable possibility like fevered shouting from a bunch of idiots who can’t even book a hotel. Then again, I suppose no one knows what fraud looks and feels like quite like President Trump. Earlier in the week as Trump was clearly behind Biden, he demanded they stop the count, something that he’s only previously said to those totting up his opponents golfing scores and his accountants, before an advisor had to explain that that’d mean Biden would win. He then seemed exasperated that the mail in votes were largely in Biden’s favour, as it has to be confusing understanding how that works when you’ve failed to deliver anything. So Trump took to twitter to insist he’d won the election by a lot, though it’s only clear now that he meant one for parking.

 

Voter turnout in America was the highest in over a century, so Trump should be pleased that he inspired so many, just you know, to get rid of him and never have to hear from him again. Areas that had been Republican in 2016, slowly turned blue over the four days of vote counting and it was Pennsylvania going for Biden that allowed him victory. Which makes a nice change as usually when Philadelphia goes blue, I have to throw it away. Biden received the most votes any presidential candidate ever has to date, beating his former boss Barack Obama and showing he successfully won over any racist voters who don’t think black people should come first. Trump lost the popular vote again, like he did in 2016, showing that maybe it’s time we referred to his style of politics as unpopulism. Saying that he did still get the second most votes for a presidential candidate ever because it seems white woman in the US believe true equality is removing rights for everyone. Biden, an old white man, won largely due to support from black women and young people who likely won’t get the credit they deserve for it, as though the Presidential election was just a crude scaled up version of the care system. Biden’s Vice President and owner of the best ‘not now’ expression in the world Kamala Harris is the first ever female second in command and first ever person of colour in the role, which is an incredible sign of progress, something that I’m sure will be appreciated by all those black people she had incarcerated when she was California’s attorney general. Biden made a speech on the Friday night, before he was confirmed as President-Elect where he said that the purpose of their politics wasn’t to wage total and unrelenting war, you know unless you live in the Middle East. Instead he said, it’s to solve problems which is easy to do when the only answers you have are the same things that caused them in the first place. Biden said it’s about ending partisan warfare, a sentiment he reiterated in his victory speech on Saturday, proving that already he’s improving employment stats even if it’s only for speechwriters. He doesn’t see red states and blue states, only the United states and wants everyone to stop treating their opponents as enemies. Isn’t it just such a relief to hear the ‘I don’t see colour’ and ‘there’s good people on both sides’ arguments but you know, a bit more eloquently which makes all the difference? For Biden it’s an important message about bridging the divisions that Trump has caused across the country and reaching out to those even if you don’t agree with them, which is why Moderate Democrats have listened and stopped seeing the Republicans as their enemies and instead blamed left wing members of their own party for making them likely lose the Senate. Ah, there’s the united nation we’ve all been missing. Biden has promised to overturn many of Trump’s policies on his first day in office, but he’s ignoring that he’ll probably have to spend most of that scrubbing the place with all the disinfectant Donald hasn’t already drunk as a COVID cure.

 

For a minute though, it is worth celebrating because America can finally breathe out a big sigh of relief, though not if they’re standing too close to someone as the place is riddled with ‘rona. The uncertain mayhem of Donald Trump is at an end. Well, nearly. He is refusing to concede, and insiders say family members are trying to break it to him that he’s lost, with even Melania telling him it’s over. Though its uncertain if she meant his presidency. Trump will have over $900m in loans that’ll be due in the new year, which the White House will no longer protect him from. If he does end up going to court, at least he’ll finally be funding public institutions such as the legal system more than he did with tax payments as president. Even if he comes to terms with actually losing something for once, well apart from all his bankrupt business failures and any sense of morality, Trump will still be president until mid-January which gives him plenty of time to tantrum his way through some terrible decisions and incite violence, all the while shouting fraud and losing court cases. Still at least staff won’t have to go far to find a white house turkey to pardon on Thanksgiving.

 

World leaders quickly congratulated Joe Biden on his victory, well apart from our Prime Minister and farmyard collision Boris Johnson who took ages, then posted a picture of a message in a shit font, saying that he looked forward to working closely with the US on their shared priorities from climate change to trade and security. It’s not a shared priority if they prioritise doing things about them and you prioritise avoiding them to go on holiday or shag a violinist. The British government were one of only a few countries, including Russia, who didn’t call out Trump’s claims of electoral fraud as dangerous and unfounded, something that even evil version of Des Lynam, Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko said was a travesty of democracy causing many pots and kettles to instantly resign. Foreign Secretary who looks like he’s trying to escape his own skin Dominic Raab refused to say that all votes should be counted in an election, so it’s nice to know he’s seen what’s required to go on the Foreign Office sanctions list and thinks it’s some sort of challenge. We should be fair though as Raab is currently stuck at home self-isolating after contact with someone who tested positive for COVID, yet another example of him failing to negotiate well with foreign bodies. There is concern that Biden doesn’t like Johnson as he’s previously referred to him as a clone of Trump, which isn’t fair to us Brits as most clones don’t survive very long and it’ll give us false hope. A former Obama staffer quote tweeted the Prime Minister’s congrats message to Biden and called him a shapeshifting creep, which isn’t true, its just the way his hair and mass undulate when he moves around. Tommy Vietor, the Democrat in question, said they will never forget Johnson’s racist comments about Obama, which is good because pretty much everyone in Britain had done or more worringly voted him in because of them. Johnson has insisted the UK and US will continue to have a strong relationship, which just sounds like they’ll tell us what to do because they’re much bigger than us and Johnson is a chlorinated chicken. The Labour leader and talking luge track Keir Starmer said his party need to learn from Joe Biden’s broad coalition, which is why over the last few months he’s sacked ministers who didn’t like the idea of rampant law dodging spy cops and suspended the former party leader. Starmer said that Biden will put the US back on the world stage and Britain must stand with him, failing to realise that due to COVID its easier if productions are a solo monologue with the audience as far away as possible. Why do we always have to lead things anyway? I’m a big advocate of Britain finally getting a go at sitting at the back, eating crisps and occasionally shouting ‘yeah what they said’. This ‘we must lead attitude’ despite being largely irrelevant now, just makes us the global Mark Francois, which no one has ever wanted. Oh, and hunting accident Nigel Farage bet £10k on a Trump victory so hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahahahahahahahhahahahahahah.

 

In COVID news, despite attempts from Danish Minks, that’s as in the rodent not Viggo Mortensen eh? Eh? To spread a new mutation of the coronavirus, because they wanted to give it a go after seeing how the weasels in government pulled it off. Despite them, Pfizer who sound like they should be fizzy drink makers but actually prefer soft drug testing ethics and BioNTech which I assume made Robocop, have developed a coronavirus vaccine that is 90% effective. The Prime Minister’s official spokesperson said it sounds promising, though chances are they won’t go near it as that 10% unsuccessful rate is far too low for their standards and would just show them up. Britain has ordered 40m doses of Pfizer vaccine, which likely means once the order has been checked, that we’ll get a lot of fertilizer delivered by companies whose only experience of vaccines is owning one of their highly overrated albums. There are logistical challenges as the vaccine has to be kept in ultra-cold storage at below minus 80C, but apparently the Home Secretary isn’t keen on having to personally carry them everywhere. Care home residents and staff will be top of the list to get the vaccine first, but as there aren’t many of them left now thanks to the government’s protective ring being mostly on the outside of care homes, it’ll be 80-year olds that get it first. Giant baby Professor Jonathan Van Tam warned that the vaccine is as though we haven’t won the cup, but the virus can be beaten. I’m not sure a football reference works when for months the government have left an open goal and picked a team made up entirely of their friends. Then he said we should imagine a cold, rainy platform with the bright lights of a train coming down the track, but various hurdles to overcome before you can get on board, but it doesn’t matter how they sell HS2 it always makes it even less appealing then before. What would be nice is if anyone in government could talk like a human being rather than the Riddler, as it seems all anyone is thinking now is that NHS waiting times were hard before but now you have to complete some sort of circuit course and catch a speeding train before completing a football match to get a vaccine, maybe it’s easier to extend the lockdown. Johnson chimed in saying he doesn’t want to let people think the vaccine is necessarily a home run, a slam dunk, a shot to the back of the net, probably because none of those would work and it’ll like be just a quick injection in your arm. I worry with low staffing at the NHS, making sure you only hire American sports professionals to administer a vaccine will just increase waiting times. It was revealed that the head of the UK’s task force, and face swap between Ellen and Liam Fox Kate Bingham, has spent nearly £700k of public funds on PR consultants that she insisted on hiring. It’s unclear what this team are doing that the staff at the Department for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy couldn’t do and considering that lots of people have asked that question, they obviously aren’t very good either. So far they appear to have helped Bingham prep for interviews and set up a government podcast called The Search For A Vaccine which has got even less ratings than this show. I’m guessing they’ll narrow down potential ones with different themed challenges, before announcing a winner in the last episode and giving them a tour deal round all the Conservative constituencies.

 

It’s not just Kate Bingham that’s been given money for good press, the government finally caved into footballer Marcus Rashford’s campaign for free school meals, hoping that it might distract from them looking like the only people in the world who think Trump has a case. More than £400m will be spent on a winter grant scheme to help improve the lives of 1.7m children which is a welcome change from the No.10 spokesperson a few weeks ago insisting there’s no need for free meals outside of term times but maybe that was Johnson’s way of convincing himself to do it, as usually he’s more than happy to spunk cash on things that are totally unnecessary. If only weeks ago Marcus Rashford had told him that kids in poverty desperately need to build a massive bridge made out of food, he’d probably have given double that without question. The Chancellor and sort of person who’d buy Instagram followers Rishi Sunak also stumped up cash saying he’d extend the furlough scheme even further until March and the self-employment support too, and I think it’s so lovely he’s found new and imaginative ways to tell us all we’ll be in lockdown till Spring.

 

Much like COVID, Brexit talks have also been extended for yet another key week in negotiations like all the other weeks have been key weeks and you wonder if really, the EU and UK should find better locksmiths. There are suggestions that Biden’s victory in the US could change things as he’s previously been critical of the internal market bill and its threat to the Good Friday agreement but that’s assuming he’ll still give a shit when he’s having to lead the military into the White House to have Donald Trump airlifted out by helicopter so his sulking face can be flown over DC like a loser’s lap. Boris Johnson has now said he’s always been a great enthusiast for a trade deal with our European friends and partners, you know apart from two weeks ago when he told them to stay at home and not bother. Is it the Biden victory that’s now making Johnson aware that he could be the main shit haired bigot leader in town unless he does something? It’s a pleasant surprise if it means EU compromise and free school meal money, as opposed to what you’d expect and that’s spending several million of taxpayers money to get someone to cut his hair who once read about hair in a book or saw it in a film. Saying that, considering they’d have to wield scissors near his head, I’d support that investment.

 

And lastly, Secretary of State for International Trade and only successful result of a relationship between a human and an inflatable pool toy Liz Truss has been accused of telling porkies about the new trade deal between Japan and the UK, as 9434 of the 9444 items it provides tariff wins for, aren’t exported by the UK. Outside of the 10 items we do sell to Japan, the others include bird’s eggs, raw hides, fur skins, handbags and 90% proof alcohol. If you think about it though, those will be all we can salvage and forage for in a post-Brexit, post-COVID Britain, with the caveat being that the super strong home brew means they may have to fight us for it.

 

 

ADMIN

 

THANK FUCK FOR THAT! Isn’t it nice to have some sort of good news in the world? I’ll admit that I watched so much of the US coverage that by the time Joe Biden was called as President I was actually already burned out from cheering every second Trump lost the lead in a different state. I am more than happy to be critical of Joe Biden on this show, but damn, I think we should all enjoy Trump losing for at least a week, or until America descends into some sort of civil war. Whichever comes first. It must be an amazing feeling for Biden. I bet it’s pretty much exactly like when I stormed it at a gig in Liverpool but only because the act before me was from Manchester and had got slow handclapped off. I couldn’t have done any wrong that night. Next night I bombed though. Judging by US history, it’s very possible Biden may do the same. HA! Jokes about bombing people. How fun slash bleak. I think it’s just so healing to have any sort of hope isn’t it? Trump was such a piece of shit that almost any alternative is so very exciting, and he did push the bar so low that I found myself exclaiming during Biden’s speech on Friday ‘ooh he can say full sentences!’ The vaccine news is potentially good too. My wife has been told to self-isolate by the NHS app, but I haven’t and we’ve been to all the same places in the last few weeks and the only time we’ve been near other people is outdoors. So, either I’m super immune or she’s having a secret spy life that I don’t know about and the NHS app has blown her cover. She hasn’t got any symptoms so all it means is I’ve become errand boy and have to fetch all the things from the outside and take my daughter, sorry agent, to the park in the rain, while my wife gets to look out the window and say, ‘ooh looks grim out there’. As soon as she’s able to escape outdoors on Saturday I plan to wait for the worst, shittiest rainy day and reclaim all my indoor time. I will never forget.

 

I hope you are doing ok in this a lockdown but only it seems by name. No one is even trying near me. I was at least hoping for the birdsong bit to come back but instead there’s been fireworks and twats joyriding. It’s not the same. Thank you for listening to this though, the fireworks and joyriding of podcasts, hmmm, and big thank you this week to somebody, Emma, Helen, Kim and Claire who donated to the ko-fi, and to Vicki for joining the Patreon crew who I realise I only thank when you join but not for you donating every single month. Because, well, I’m ungrateful. That’s not true I am very grateful and thank you to those of who keep supporting this show. Now look, I have been pretty full on in talking about how this show has become pretty much my only income what with all the everything comedy being cancelled. But with Sunak announcing SEISS support, I’ll finally have some income till March, even if it’s not for another month and apparently rent can’t just wait a bit. But seriously, these are shit money times and I’m lucky enough to get something so please do only chuck us a few pennies if it’s to say that you enjoy the show and not out of pity. Unless its pity that I do this show, in which case, go for it. Otherwise pop that cash in other places that need it right now. Like Pret A Manger. Ha! Joke. Obvs if you can’t, or won’t donate then you can give the show a lovely 5 star review or just tweet or Facebook or Myspace about it as many of you have been doing and it’s so very appreciated. Comedians only do it for the self-gratification and I don’t get that anymore. Not from my family anyway. My daughter, sorry agent, has instead taken to taking all her clothes off just before dinner then running around shouting ‘BUM OUT’ which I don’t think is a review of my jokes but it might be.

 

One teeny bit of hopeful admin. I might be doing a live podcast at the Leicester Comedy Festival on 6th February at the Peter Pizzeria. I say might be, it is on the website and all booked in but who knows what the world will be like by then. You will also be able to watch it online and my aim is to get some local activists, experts or just people who shout in the park to come and do a Q&A with whoever’s there. I’ve popped a ticket link in the pod blurb and will annoy you about it more nearer the time. Also, an ask, and I’m embarrassed to have to do this really, because I do try very hard to make my guests on this show as diverse as possible, but due to a number of things, it’s been a solidly white interviewee list for a while now. Believe me it wasn’t meant to be and then people have selfishly done things like have babies or get booked for more important things. But I really would like suggestions of more BAME guests to speak to, about things that aren’t just anti-racism campaigns. As I said, its awful I have to ask but I am having difficulty in finding people that are available and actually want to talk to me so all suggestions would be lovely. Do send them in to the usual places and even some unusual ones if you fancy writing it on a cat or in a lasagne.

 

On this week’s show, I am talking to Samantha Kutner aka the Proud Boy Whisperer about the US election and her extensive research on the far-right Trump supporting group who ruined my favourite t-shirt. Plus, more US election things and then I promise I’ll never ever mention it every again. Ever. Ameri-where? US-eh? Exactly.

 

 

INTERVIEW WITH SAMANTHA

 

Hi, it me, Captain party pooper. The guy bringing a rain machine to your parade. Look I’m sorry, but yes, it’s amazing the tangerine bad dream has been halted but wake up and smell the coffee from the chain of your preference, things in the US won’t just change overnight. Or probably longer than that, if at all. Over the past four years, Trump’s rhetoric and shouty all caps angry bully noise has given a voice to a number of dangerous and violent far right groups who’ve been growing in disillusioned number for some time. As someone who grew up watching Indiana Jones, I’ve never been able to see the appeal of fascism when it definitely leads to your face getting melted off by the arc of the covenant, something that Steve Bannon’s punched cauliflower mush clearly proves. But the trick of the alt-right was to pretend it’s not Nazism at all, but instead a group standing up for its own masculinity and heritage, all of which must be protected at all costs from such horrors as you know, equal rights for everyone or getting to play as a woman in a computer game. The Proud Boys are a prime example of this. A neo-fascist male only organisation that say they reject racism but are also classed by US intelligence as ‘a dangerous white supremacist group’ so they can’t both be right and I’m pretty sure the latter are called intelligence for a reason. The group are avidly anti-feminist and have promoted and engaged in political violence across America in the last few years, claiming that they don’t want their culture diluted. Considering their name ‘Proud Boys’ comes from a song from Disney’s 2011 musical of Aladdin, I feel they’ve only really themselves to blame for that. After Trump said during the first Presidential campaign debate that the Proud Boys should stand back and stand-by, the rest of the world was alerted to the group, leading among other more important things, me to realise I can’t wear my favourite Fred Perry shirt anymore because fascists have ruined it. Sigh. The Proud Boys sent threatening emails to Democrat voters during the Presidential campaign and on Saturday in response to Trump’s evidence free claims that the election was fraudulent, the leader of the group said they were rolling out and the stand-by order has been rescinded. This either means that more violence is likely, or weirdly they’re off stand by and now turned on, and hopefully will deal with that in the privacy of their own homes. Are we about to see months of violence from Trump’s most ardent and radicalised supporters, or years of white supremacist terrorism as the new Biden administration becomes their next target? Or could Disney save everything by releasing a porn version of Aladdin keeping all the Proud Boys indoors indefinitely?

 

This week I spoke to Samantha Kutner, aka the Proud Boys Whisperer. Samantha is a research consultant specialising in providing outreach services to those considering leaving extremism and at risk of being radicalised. Since 2017 she has both been doing intensive ethnographic research on the Proud Boys in particular and engaging members with the aim of helping them see outside of their far-right beliefs. Basically, she’s hella brave, doing an amazing thing and I have no idea how she does any of it. Luckily, Samantha was happy to come on the podcast and explain all, as well as explain what the election results may now mean for the rise in fascism in the US. I should say that there are a number of things that Samantha talks about that you may not be familiar with, so very quickly, Charlie Kirke is the creator of the far right Conservative group Turning Point US, who I mean look up their history and the diaper protest because it’s very funny. UNR is University of Nevada in Reno and ethnographic research is simply a study observing a particular social group. I think those are the main ones and hopefully that’ll help if you’re an idiot like me who wouldn’t immediately know such things. I spoke to Samantha the day after Biden’s win had been called, so I thought it’d be rude if we didn’t start with that.

 

INTERVIEW WITH SAMANTHA PART 1

 

And we’ll be back with Samantha in a minute bit first…

 

DONALD TRUMP DESCRIPTIONS

 

Yes, it’s premature as he’s still got some time in the White House left and there’s every chance that the next 11 weeks of Trump will be the worst yet. But while we embrace this temporary moment of an absolute bag of dicks of a human being losing, it’s only appropriate that I give ol’ Donny Trumppants the traditional ParPolBro political obituary of all of the descriptions of him on this podcast to date. Bear in mind, there are fucking loads of these. Some are very lazy and unimaginative, but then again, so is he so I think that’s fair.

 

Donald Trump is a…

 

bag of bluster with a wig on it

‘broken wind sock being humped by a shiatsu’

Hairy dried apricot

Ep8: Best Unwanted Howling Baboon Tribute act

Ep20: melanoma with a face, hairy melanoma

Ep26: angry racist Satsuma

Ep29: racist blister

Ep31: he constantly looks like he is burning up with something you only get from having sex with something he found in a skip

Ep33: the man who were Sigmund Freud to have delved into his mind, he’d have described him as a ‘gargantuan orange arsehole’, Captain Bouffant McTwat

Ep37.5: KKK endorsed, celebrity Christingle

Ep40: troll king

Ep42: the real life version of how Pixar might animate the wind

Ep44: bloated orange head of America

Ep45: Fucking cartoon

Ep46: the Tangerine Nightmare, a man who would struggle to beat a chicken at Boggle

Ep47: Annoying Orange,

Ep48: batshit fuzz pumpkin, American Pat Butcher

Ep51: radioactive edam

Ep52: Hate Gibbon, ulcer with a wig

Ep53: only man to survive being bitten by a radioactive hi-vis jacket

Ep55: Teratoma in a suit, a sense of conviction weaker than Harrison Ford’s flying abilities

Ep56: man who looks like he’s barely survived a nuclear fall out already

Ep58: Cheese Puff Eruption

Ep59: Neon Verruca

Ep60: Ambergris with features

Ep61: silly putty rolled in fluff

Ep63: twat pumpkin

Ep64: atomic kumquat

EP68: animated bowl of pot pourri

Ep69: confused Edam ball

Ep71: constant warning as to why you should all wear sunscreen

Ep74: only known child of the Mother of Vinegar

Ep76: what happens if you don’t lance a boil

Ep77: public health warning about why you shouldn’t give the Lorax crystal meth

Ep78: the missing link between a stomach ulcer & a blobfish

Ep83: porridge filled wind sock

Ep84: man who’s computer password is whatever it writes when you bang tiny hamfists on a keyboard because shouting at it doesn’t work

Ep85: Dayglo Eric Cartman

Ep86: balloon filled with semolina

EP87: aka the Badyear Blimp

EP88: congealed custard sculpture of a Belgian Griffon dog with under-bite

Ep89: croissant attached to a turkey

Ep92: what it would look like if there was a Japanese Mascot for haemorrhoids

Ep93: what happens if you leave a cup-a-soup out for too long

Ep94: Glengarry Glen Gross

Ep95: swollen jellybaby, dried apricot with horror teeth

Ep98: untreated ulcer

Ep99: physical manifestation of heartburn

100: lovechild of a pantomime horse and some rust

101: lovechild of two saggy elbows

102:  only person to both look tanned and not well at the same time

105: bleached pork knuckle

106: oh no I forgot that was in the fridge oh that’s what’s causing that smell

107: Tigger onesi filled with macaroni cheese

108: stupid cheese popper

109: oak smoked, barrel ripened hernia

110: baboon arse

Summer mini-ep: Bloat drone

112: shouting arse boil

115: physical manifestation of trapped wind

116:  inflamed tonsil

117: bronze sculpture of a trash heap

118: the only person even the Thing would go, nah I’m not gonna impersonate that

119: trampled langoustine

120: sea pork with eyes

121: walking heartburn

126: collapsed soufflé

128: unerupted tooth in a suit

131: half deflated bouncy castle

132:  inflated gall bladder

134: drowned orange roughy fish

136: colostomy bag full of Irn Bru

140: angry pimple

141: football bladder filled with primula

144: infected arse implant

145: blowtorched howler monkey

146: lazy, lazy cosplay of Jabba The Hutt

147: extra in TV’s Chernobyl

148: human vuvuzela

149: malignant haystack

150: scorched rucksack full of lipids

151: festering perianal abscess

152: half digested dumpling

154: Boris’s American twin, the Tweedlecunt to his tweedletwat,

160: modern day Chernobyl disaster but in a person

162: The Babacrook

163: child’s crayon drawing of a sad pineapple

164: hi-vis embolism

167: what happens if you encase a wind tunnel inside orange playdoh

170: meat hoover

172: leather wrapped round an air horn

172: long drop with hair

173: face swap between a Pekingese dog and some overheated silicone sealant

176: human croc shoe

177: microwaved punchbag

178: blowtorched bagpipe

183: thrown out fairground decoration

186: what if there was a ship made of spam and it crashed into a mountain of turds

191: Mistreated Tuba

192: vocal peptic ulcer

194: the film the fly but if a bag of fluorescent paint and a haggis got into the machine instead

195: rusted wally bird

196: flatulent grapefruit

197: irradiated klegnut

203: the left over contents of Buffalo Bill’s wardrobe

204: remains of a bouncy castle fished out of a quagmire

205: decayed lobster mushroom

207: pumpkin that scares all the kids

209: Pumpkin Spiced haemorrhoid

 

US STATS

 

Brexit talks are still ongoing, COVID is still running around the UK like it owns the place and Boris Johnson is still an irredeemable prick. So instead here are some quick answers to questions you may have had about the US election and after hearing my answers, may still have or are too happy thinking about Trump being sad or Nigel Farage losing £10k to give a shit. Hahahahhahaha he lost £10k.

 

IS TRUMP STILL PRESIDENT?

 

Yeah till noon on January 20th when Joe Biden will get inaugurated which Trump will no doubt not go to as seeing an actual crowd of people might confuse him. So that’s 11 weeks during which he can still dismantle whatever likes and try to pardon himself and his colleagues. Thing is pardons only apply to federal crimes, but Trump and his associates are currently being investigated by a state prosecutor over hush money paid before the 2016 election to two woman who said they’d had sexual encounters with Trump and the DA leading the case says the probe could now focus on bank, tax and insurance fraud. If Trump asks where the evidence for this is, the District Attorney should just take a leaf from Trump’s book that he clearly hasn’t read and say, ‘it’s disputed’. No president has tried to pardon themselves before and the constitution isn’t clear on it so who knows, though by its nature a pardon is asking for forgiveness for wrong-doing which means he’d be admitting to doing something wrong and that’s not his bag. If there was a way Trump could give himself a ‘pardon even though I know you don’t need it’ then he’d be right there I reckon. There could be executive orders or worse Trump could just rally up his supporters to take up arms and cause shit. This is the first time anyone in America actually hopes he’ll just piss off and use taxpayer money to go golfing but chances are it’ll be something far more below par.

 

CAN TRUMP STILL WIN THE ELECTION?

 

The chances are slimmer than Trump committing a random act of kindness because it’s a sunny day and he’s feeling kind, but in theory yes, he could. But its so, so slim. It’s slim shady. It’s slim Wilde. It’s slim Carrey. The electoral college don’t make their official announcement until December 14th and while it’s unlikely they’d go against the decision that has been called, I mean, they are the electoral college and they hate you. Trump has filed several lawsuits too but already 10 of them have been chucked out of court which must’ve been so fun to do and I hope those judges physically flung them into a recycle bin while shouting ‘FUCK YOU’. Biden has a lead of tens of thousands of votes so even if the courts did decide any ballots were dodgy, it would have to be so, so many to overturn the election which is unlikely. Voter fraud is rare in the US, and Republicans actually brought in so many rules to make access voting more difficult so if anything, this is on them, you know, like everything. Same with recounts, in that Trump’s only entitled to recounts in states with less than 1% margin, which is currently Georgia, Arizona, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania and that’s with votes still being counted so that margin is likely to change. Recounts rarely ever change an election and Trump would need several states to show a different for it to matter. So all it’d do is make it in the headlines that again, he’s lost somewhere and for that, I say yeah do it. He’ll have to pay for it too unless the margin is really small so it’d be beautiful if he got bankrupt again on double checking how much of a loser he is. Lastly Trump’s threats of using the supreme court partly because there’s no evidence for voter fraud but also the justices are unlikely to want to get involved if it’s clear Biden has won in so many swing states already. There is one case pending about the validity of Pennsylvania votes that were postmarked before election day but arrived after, but again, even if the court decided they weren’t valid, there aren’t enough of them to change anything. So yes, but really, actually and bigly no.

 

WHO VOTED?

 

More people than ever. Biden so far has got over 75m votes and Trump, depressingly, over 71m. Previously Barack Obama had the most at over 69m, so this means a whole ton of people voted that didn’t before, both to keep Trump in and boot him out. Sorry I mean vote for Joe. But mostly vote Trump out. Also 1.7m people voted for Jo Jorgensen of the Libertarian Party and 60k for Kayne West because yes, there are people in the US who are worse than Trump supporters. Must be gutting for the Libertarian Party to never win, but then they also believe in freedom of choice so they’re probably very happy about it too. Otherwise, the stats aren’t that different to how they were in 2016 when Hilary Clinton did win the popular vote. 52% of voters over 65 voted Trump last time, 51% this time. 52% of White women voted for Trump last time, 54% this time because Handmaid’s Tale cosplay is in. Trump got an increase in votes from black men, Latino men and woman too, but a slight drop in votes from white men. So slight though, still 57%. Who voted for Biden? Predominantly young people, that is young people of colour, and black women. Biden won 61% of the youth vote, though only 51% of young white people, but 76, 69 and 51% for Black, Asian and Latino youth voters. Young white women voted Biden; young white men voted Trump. And 87% of black women voted for Biden. Basically, everyone whose been happy with police violence, suppression of women and minorities, horrific immigration measures and being racist, were happy to keep things as they were. Everyone else, not so much. 93% of Republicans still voted Trump, a rise on 2016, so it’s great that big groups of former moderate Republicans pushing to get more votes for Biden, took $67m in funds to do absolutely nothing. Then again, I also can’t think of anything more classic moderate than that. Complaints that Black Lives Matter and the Green New Deal turned off voters don’t seem to make much sense when it was young voters who stats show care about the environment and black voters that won this for Biden. But you know, you guys back away from that if you want and we’ll see you in 2024 trying to appealing to the same people that ignore you every year. US political scientist Rachel Bitecofer says that there is no such thing as a swing voter, and it’s all about who turns up to vote instead. She predicted the outcome of this election back in February and says the reason Clinton’s campaign lost votes in 2016 was because the group that should have voted Democrat were turned off by her approach in trying to change Republican voters, who didn’t. But I guess none of that is as fun as making friends with your opponents and hoping voters will just get confused as to which one of you is which at the ballot box.

 

WHAT WILL BIDEN/HARRIS BE LIKE?

 

Probably a lot like things were before Trump. Biden’s already talking about rejoining the Paris climate agreement and the World Health Organisation, as well as not focusing on the NATO spending budget half as much and probably trying to repair US foreign policy and things like the Iran nuclear deal and lifting Cuba’s embargoes again. He’s already announced the COVID panel of scientists, doctors and public health experts that he’ll be working with, which I mean, how weird is that? People who understand how COVID works, dealing with COVID? Fuck off mate. Next you’ll be reading things sent to you. What is the world comoing to? Biden told the nation that masks are not a political statement which isn’t true as mine says ‘Fuck Boris’ on it. He also said that Americans of colour who have been hardest by COVID must be a priority not an after-thought, saying the vaccine will be distributed equally and be free for everyone. A majority Republican senate which is looking likely, may block a number of things he tries to bring in, leading to the kind of stalemate many Americans got sick of and then voted in Trump because of. At the same time, Biden can sign executive orders, and says he plans to do so including cancelling the first $50k of student debt in the first 100 days which will change things for a lot of people. The plans are also to focus on climate, a $15 minimum wage and an infrastructure bill that will employ people with criminal records. Oh, and fixing some of Trump’s immigration horrors. So yeah, all the stuff you’d hope a reasonable person would say while Trump still hasn’t made a public appearance since Thursday. Overall, there’s of course many worries that Biden won’t bring in enough change but it’s hard to dispute that right now, any change is really nice, especially one that makes speeches that you finish listening to and realise you didn’t take any of it in because you were so pleased it wasn’t racist, sexist or just so very weird.

 

BARRIE ASKED IF YOU COULD ACCIDENTALLY BOOK A CAR PARK FOR A MAJOR PRESS CONFERENCE WHICH COMPANY WOULD YOU USE?

 

Sentinel Car Park in Leeds, while insisting that I tried to book a press conference on a large robot that hunts the X-Men.

 

 

And now back to Samantha…

 

INTERVIEW WITH SAMANTHA PART 2

 

Thank you to Samantha for chatting with me when she could have been endlessly celebrating for a week. You can find her @ashkenaz89 on twitter, and her work, podcast & Patreon to help fund her research at proudboyswhisperer.com. As well as being the proud boy whisperer, Samantha also hosts the glitterpill community for those who feel they aren’t doing enough with their activism or are burned out by it all, and those who study extremism. Do check that out on her website too. Big thanks again too to Michael Marshall for putting me in touch with Samantha and again do find him on Twitter @MrMMarsh and check out all that the Merseyside Skeptiks Society do too.

 

It’s a return to UK politics next week, yes sorry everyone, and then I’m in need of guests once again. What and who shall I do talking to? All suggestions for people to talk to or subjects to find someone to talk to about are welcome and you can send those, as per every week, to the @parpolbro Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page at partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or of course you could mail in your suggestion and I’ll scream and shout that it’s fraudulent and shouldn’t be counted before considering it means you’ve definitely suggested someone else entirely. No I won’t, I’d actually be really chuffed to get some post and freaked out that you have my home address. But still, you know, as always, it’s probably best to email isn’t it?

 

END

 

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. Thank you for lending me your ears, and I promise to bring them back within the 30 days rental period so I don’t get fined. Not only that, but as you’ve reached the end of the show, you have of course earned the famed, ok not famed but it should be, PARPOLBROHOTPOLGOSSFACT. As Joe Biden has broken the record for most votes ever in a Presidential election, which candidate had the least votes ever? None other than OG Pres and isn’t that Mark Walliams in a wig George Washington, who not even wanting to run for a second term in office in 1792, didn’t even publicly announce he was going for it and he wasn’t very well, but there was no challenging candidate so Washington won with 28,579 votes which is less than the population of Accrington. Also Accrington is known for its incredibly dense building bricks used in the foundations of massive constructs, and George Washington is America’s founding father so I mean, they’re basically the same. He should’ve been called George Accrington. But if he still won against the vast challenge of nothingness, who is America’s biggest Presidential loser of all time? Its Donald Trump because fuck him and hahahahahahahahahahahahaah. That’s this week’s PARPOLBROHOTPOLGOSSFACT and if you loved it and like this show then please do tell others, give it a nice fat five star review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher or one of them places and maybe even donate to the ko-fi, patreon or Acast supporter page. If you didn’t like it at all then let me reach out to the other side and listen to your opinions which you can send to the bin, address your shitty bin, in your shit home and hopefully we can work something out. Ahem.

 

Thanks ya’ll to Acast, my brother The Last Skeptik, Kat Day and Katie Coxall.

 

This will be back next week when the entire White House staff pretend they can’t see or hear Trump and he begins to think he’s a ghost, and wanders off, only to be found days later, trying to grab a woman’s bum in a Wendy’s and steal some fries because he thinks they won’t see him.

 

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

This week’s show was brought to you by the Four Seasons Total Landscaping, for when you want to rockery the vote, deck out your campaign or just water down any final dregs of competency and sow the seeds of something even worse.

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