Episode 130 – HARD POWER! Let’s all have some! None of that soft power we use for, er, pillow fights…I’m so tired. This week is all about Labour’s 5 Brexit terms, Special places in Hell, and Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) speaks to Dr Jess Garland (@jessicajgarland) at the Electoral Reform Society (@electoralreform) about Citizen’s Assemblies (@UKassemblies). Plus: Some Sexy Brexit Valentine’s Tips!
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HARD POWER! Let’s all have some! None of that soft power we use for, er, pillow fights…I’m so tired. This week is all about Labour’s 5 Brexit terms, Special places in Hell, and Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) speaks to Dr Jess Garland (@jessicajgarland) at the Electoral Reform Society (@electoralreform) about Citizen’s Assemblies (@UKassemblies). Plus: Some Sexy Brexit Valentine’s Tips!
Links and sources of info from Jess’s interview:
All the usual ParPolBro stuff:
THIS VALENTINE’S DAY, WHY NOT AROUSE YOUR LOVED ONE WITH SEXY BREXIT THEMED NIGHT TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER GO BACK TO A SINGLE MARKET? NOTHING WILL MAKE YOUR WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT HAPPEN QUICKER THAN MAKING ABSOLUTELY NO PLANS, THEN INSISTING THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IT AND ITS ONLY BECAUSE THEY WON’T HAVE FAITH IN YOU THAT YOU’VE FAILED TO DO ANYTHING SPECIAL AT ALL. THEN TRY WHISPERING IN THEIR EAR THAT YOU’RE THINKING OF ALTERNATIVE ARRANGEMENTS FOR THEIR BACKSTOP. INSIST ON USING TECHNOLOGY TO CREATE FRICTIONLESS BORDERS, THEN TRY TIEING THEM UP TO REMOVE THEIR FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT AND SAYING YOU WON’T CHARGE THEM IF COME EARLY. THEN TO END THE NIGHT, WHY NOT PAY 11 PEOPLE A LOT OF MONEY TO TURN UP AND AGREE WITH YOU EVERY TIME YOUR PARTNER TRIES TO ATTEMPT OPPOSITION BEFORE DEMANDING ACCESS TO FISHING WATERS AND THEN TRYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN BUT INSISTING ITS SOMETHING NEW AND DIFFERENT IN THE HOPE THEY’LL JUST GIVE UP AND LEAVE SO YOU CAN TRADE GOODS WITH OTHERS WHO DON’T KNOW YOU AND AREN’T INTERESTED? REMEMBER THIS VALENTINES DAY, BREXIT MEANS SEXIT, SO TRY YOUR BEST TO CAUSE THE POINTLESS DESTRUCTION OF AN OTHERWISE HAPPY UNION.
Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the podcast that asks if politics means the operation of a constitutional system of government, which surgeon did the operation because I think they’ve sewn it all back up wrong. This is episode 130, I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as President of The European Council and William H Macy’s grumpy twin Donald Tusk said that he has been wondering what the special place in hell looks like for those who promoted Brexit without a plan of how to carry it out safely. I’d like to step in and say that is an awful and ill thought through comment. I mean we all know they won’t go to hell, they’ll be stuck in a forever purgatory as bad place officials pointlessly argue for infinity about what to do with them.
Tusk’s comments caused upset in many Brexiteers who either knew he meant them, willfully misinterpreted what he’s said or are such xenophobes they heard his foreign accent and switched off before he’d finished. A number of Conservative MPs said the statement was insulting, unlike you know, all those comments many of them have made about the EU being like Hitler, or the Soviet Union. I suppose the issue is that those are all elements of real life history which they don’t understand and haven’t bothered finding out about, while Tusk was talking about hell, a fictional place that exists only within certain beliefs, which is far more the personal ballpark of extreme Tory Brexiteers. It is mad to think though that with only 46 days to Brexit, there is still no plan. I’ve gone on last minute holidays that required more prep than this and the one time I forgot my passport I didn’t try to blame airport security for not believing in me enough.
Prime Minister and human cramp Theresa May visited Northern Ireland to explain to business leaders that there was no suggestion of removing the backstop, just that she wants to change the wording. Great, that’s reassuring and not at all concerning that the wording will now say ‘there is no backstop’. Like saying you don’t want to have your dog put down, you just want to find a way to stop it still being a dog. May then went to the EU to meet Tusk with no new proposals or ideas, because if you keep throwing shit at a wall, eventually you lose your job as a sanitation worker. Not sure why I used that analogy as May doesn’t dispose of waste, just endlessly keeps retrieving it and bringing it back for inspection like a very ill dog. After Brussels, she then went to Dublin as if she’s already convinced herself that that’s the route it’ll take to get between Northern Ireland and the Republic, where she met with Irish Taoiseach and employee of the month at Carpet World Leo Varadker and the two made absolutely no breakthroughs but they did eat some beef together. Yet another moment that proves Brexit is some sort of prime event that means it is only ever able to be a metaphor for itself.
The only signs of actual movement on it all last week surprisingly came from Labour leader and several woodland creatures all standing on top of each other in a suit Jeremy Corbyn, who set out the terms under which his party might support May’s deal. So that’s not the previous 6 tests that Labour had that May didn’t remotely pay attention too, it’s a whole new 5 terms, that happen to sound like 5 of the 6 tests. Then once she ignores these, they’ll come back with 4 important points, then 3 things you might like to know about, followed by 2 post its that I’ll pop on the fridge so you might see them, and then finally here’s this 1 thing that’s got me trippin’ as they all flail around the Amerie’s only hit. The EU told May that Corbyn’s suggestions could offer a promising way out the impasse, but the use of the word promising probably made the Prime Minister assume she didn’t have to keep any of them to make things work. She’s already rebuffed one of the five terms, which was Labour’s call for a customs union criticizing Corbyn for wanting a say in future trade deals instead of the UK’s ability to strike their own deals. Yeah Jezza I mean, why can’t you have faith in our ability to strike all those deals that we’ve done like, er, with the er, hang on let me check my notes, Faroe Islands. Yeah! Look at that, we’re totally sorted for a diet of, wait a second, puffin meat and Viking metal. Hmm. The UK also now has a deal sorted with Switzerland to keep our current trading relationship with them for after Brexit, because I suppose rather than just putting ourselves down, it’s easier to make plans with a country that specializes in assisted suicide.
Labour have their own issues with Corbyn’s 5 terms though, as Shadow Brexit Secretary and stylized webtoon Keir Starmer was shown a draft copy of Corbyn’s letter to the Prime Minister that included the threat that if she didn’t agree, Labour would back a second referendum. But that was missing from the actual letter and Corbyn’s office said ‘oh we must’ve forgotten that paragraph.’ Nothing says government in waiting than either actually forgetting a party policy or pretending you have done. I can’t wait for a Corbyn government to try negotiating with the EU with such tactics as ‘Oh sorry I can’t attend that meeting after all as I’m washing my hair’ or ‘the guidelines for ECJ jurisdiction during the transition period? Yeah we did that but er, the dog ate it.’
May has welcomed further talks with Corbyn on alternative arrangements for the backstop, just not any of the ones Labour have suggested. Which makes sense when you see the ones her own MPs have suggested as so far including Disgraced MP Liam The Disgrace Fox who’s pushing for a super technological maximum facilitation border with technology that includes facial recognition to deter dissident terrorist groups, because the one thing they definitely won’t do, based on previous evidence, is wear balaclavas, you stupid twat. The rest of the government’s Brexit preparation is going brilliantly with Seabourn Freight, the ferry company that had no ferries and terms and conditions copied from a pizza delivery firm, losing the £14m contract. Now that could be because Transport Secretary and one of Clive Barker’s rejected ideas Chris Grayling is so useless that he’s basically only in the cabinet to make everyone else look less shit, or it could be that the pizza terms and conditions only gave Seabourne 30 minutes to deliver or they had to give the government’s money back. It’s most likely the former though as Failing Grayling is so awful that he is no longer welcome in Calais after the port’s chairman called him disrespectful. I love that we have a transport secretary that is banned form going places. I hope this keeps happening and Grayling is barred from all modes of transport that he has messed up during his terrible career until he’s reduced to just standing in a corner, shouting apologies at a tricycle.
Meanwhile Defence Secretary and hemophobic vampire Gavin Williamson has been getting all excited like a small boy with some new plastic war figures and started banging on about how the armed forces have to be prepared to use hard power, you know that hard power, as opposed to the soft power they sometimes fire from their pine freshener room fragrancing guns. It’s that sort of language that makes me certain he has a profile on uniformdating.com. He referred to Brexit as a moment when we must strengthen our global presence, enhance our lethality and increase our mass. Sounds a lot like he’s planning to do a year abroad where he eats a lot and murders someone. It was revealed that the Brexit department spent over £45k just printing copies 1300 of May’s deal, which most people read online and is now irrelevant. Still it does mean if we have a no deal situation, there’ll be enough loo roll to go round.
Labour MP Luciana ‘Not part of a meal deal’ Berger was given a vote of no confidence by her constituency Labour Party over her disloyalty to Jeremy Corbyn, which was then withdrawn due to accusations that it was actually done because of anti-Semitism towards her. Typical Labour, can’t even decide amongst themselves why they don’t like each other. Labour say they have looked into 673 cases of anti-Semitism since last April, but I mean, they obviously waited till Easter to do it which is pretty offensive huh? HUH? No I don’t know what I’m doing either.
The Daily Mail, aka the press version of a waste pipe, printed excerpts from a biography of Corbyn called Dangerous Hero: Corbyn’s ruthless plot for power, which seemed to suggest that Jezza is a megalomanic, you know, of the kind that spends 40 years doing his job before being surprised he’s elected party leader. Classic driven dictator move! Some of the stories printed involved him eating cold beans, not reading many books, refusing to go in palaces in Europe due to them being royal and collecting a lot of crap in his garage. All of which when read in a Danny Dyer voice just sound laddy. Yeah I’ll neck them beans, books? Yawn mate. Palaces? Double yawn. Here’s my massive man drawer full of shit, bosh. To be honest I doubt he’s any less qualified to be in charge than May, as I’m pretty sure she has a cold pulse most of the time too.
In other news, France recalled its Rome ambassador after, well I guess they’d forgotten him for a while. But it comes as part of bigger trade of verbal blows between them and Italy, in a crisis that has been brewing for a while but was escalated recently when Italian Deputy Prime Minister and leader of the Angry Birds Luigi Di Maio went to meet the French protest group the gilet jaunes who’ve been bringing cities to a stand-still in France for three months now in protest against fuel costs and austerity. Is it because now Di Maio’s party Five Star are now part of the Italian government, they can’t rail against their own establishment anymore so they have to challenge others? Or was it that his Italian sensibilities meant he heard about a bunch of people starting a trend of fluorescent clothing and got excited?
Work and Pensions Secretary and only person who’s default expression is a headteacher who’s heard about how you let your class down Amber Rudd, has admitted that the rise in food banks is linked to failures of universal credit. This is an amazing admittance from a woman who’s usually only, at her best, vaguely aware of anything, so that is exciting, but she has also only said that ‘its one of the causes’ and this is a woman who as Home Secretary wanted to ban encryption because she didn’t understand it. So let’s not get too excited that suddenly the DWP are turning over a new leaf, as its more likely if Rudd doesn’t work out exactly all the other reasons why food banks are needed, she’ll try to have them deported. Eroded No Face Mask and Conservative MP Christopher Chope blocked a law to protect young girls from female genital mutilation, in yet another example of him doing exactly what everyone expected him to as part of his mission in life as an enemy of women. Dinosaurs have been draped over his door in Westminster in protest of his decision, but I think it’d be better just to pop his face on a lot of women’s underwear as an effective form of protection from any harm or unwanted attention.
And lastly, sentient in-growing hair bump on a slimy scrotum Nigel Farage has formed the Brexit Party, which will supposedly sweep the country, though that could be because that’ll be Farage’s only vocational hope after he loses yet another election. They don’t seem to have a tagline, but Nige, may I suggest ‘Don’t vote us in, vote us out!’ You’re welcome.
Yeaaaaaah hello Parpolbrods, what’s happening? In my house it’s mostly no sleep and we’ve now hit the point in parenting where I am so exhausted I keep putting things in the fridge that shouldn’t go there. Like my daughter. Not good. But other than that I’ve just had a lovely weekend of gigs, including a superb on in Canterbury where I had to drive there during Storm Erik, who was a windy bastard. They’d closed one lane on the motorway due to a house falling on a witch. True story. Then a very nice work in progress mess at Leicester Comedy Festival last night, so thank you to those of you who came to that and basically witnessed a very tired man have a gradual breakdown over the hour and were somehow lovely about it. Trying new stand-up out is genuinely tricky in that you need an audience to do it, otherwise you don’t know if it works, but you also feel very sorry for the audience that take time out to witness what is definitely unfinished nonsense. So its hugely appreciated when people come to these things. I wouldn’t have gone, but sadly I had to be there which was a shame. No Valentines things happening in this home this week, as firstly I think it’s an awful marketing ploy that seems to suggest you should only express your love for someone one day of the year, which is just silly. And way too often. HA! PSYCHE. But secondly, we are also way too tired for any of that and I have to be in Leamington that night which isn’t very romantic at all, but it does have a royal pump room. We were more excited about pancake day but it turns out this year, it’s in March? WTF? How did that even happen? Who has pancakes in March? Urgh. Fucking Brexit.
Oh god what am I talking about this week? Just abject nonsense. What I should be talking about is you, and your sexy er, ears and how you are lovingly using them to, erm, suck in this show…ok I’ll stop that right now. Thanks for listening, that’s what I meant and this week thanks very much to Rosie who donated to the ko-fi site, which you can do too at ko-fi.com/parpolbro or the patreon which I mean, no one is anymore. But go and have a look at patreon.com/parpolbro just for the vid I made a couple of years ago just for it so that wasn’t completely wasted money. Obviously if you can’t afford to donate or just don’t want to give me any money because I’ll likely spend it on something stupid, then please do review the show on whichever pod app you use, or just that special person in your life to listen to this podcast too otherwise what kind of sham relationship is this? If you’re single, why not put a pic of this podcast and a link to it in your Tinder app and… look I have no idea how any of that works. Is that a good idea? Will people just try to screw this podcast then leave? I’m so old. None of it makes sense to me.
What does make sense is that the kids politics show that I do that I plug every week, starts again this week so I am plugging it again this week. So on Wednesday 13th February we are at The Place in Bedford at 6pm, then on Saturday 16th February we’re at GLive in Guildford at 2pm, then on the 22nd we’re at the Lighthouse Poole, then on the 23rd at the Gulbenkian in Canterbury. There are times for those but they are far enough away that I’m trusting you to google it. So if you have small people aged 6+ and want to watch myself and Tatton Spiller from Simple Politics absolutely panic about how to describe Brexit to them, do come along!
Ok this week I am speaking to Dr Jessica Garland from the Electoral Reform Society all about Citizen’s Assemblies, plus there is Brexit oh god I’m so sorry I’ve killed the mood haven’t I? Can we start over? No? Ok. Well why don’t you just entertain yourself with a bit of this then:
Norfolk police are hiring untrained, non-cops on zero hours contracts to, well, police low risk crimes. Yeah sounds fine right? I mean, because of all the police cuts, I think its totally legit that someone can pop a hat and badge on inbetween deliverooing kebabs, to stop someone stealing a bike, well probably their own bike that they’ve inadequately locked up in-between jobs. Norfolk police have had to cut all 150 of their police community support officers, you know, the toy police that used to walk around when there weren’t enough proper ones around because, you know cuts. Those ones have now also been cut as their budget dropped by £5.5m last year so they really haven’t had much choice and cutting PCSO’s has saved them £1m. So they’ve got all inventive and are hiring what they like to call scene guards. Yes it sounds like they’ll mainly be protecting theatre props and nice views, but they’ll mostly be standing around watching crime scenes before accidentally running their bike through one because someone’s ordered a curry. The job application says ‘applicants need the ability to maintain concentration for prolonged periods and experience of dealing with confrontation’. I’m pretty sure loads of post Edinburgh Fringe comedians will be eligible. Admittedly some of the money Norfolk Police have saved has also gone on proper officers too which is good, but this very much feels like the beginning of a scary run of police cuts and privitisation which will, as well all know, lead to an Uber driver ruining a crime scene because the victim lying in it didn’t give him a star rating. And then, it’ll be ED209. End scene guards.
A bit of nice-ish news this week. The Stansted 15 were a group of protestors who chained themselves to a plane to stop it deporting people to Africa something that is both awesome, and hardcore in a kind of Tom Cruise may be doing that in MI7 at some point way. Despite doing immense good, they were arrested for endangering the safety of an aerodrome under legislation that was meant to be used to combat terrorism and hijacking. Which they weren’t doing. They were doing the opposite of hijacking, they were very much keeping the plane were it was. Yes it was dangerous and yes it did cause the runway to be closed for an hour and 23 planes to be diverted, but hey, that’s still less annoying than a drone. Anyway, it looked like they could all face hefty prison sentences but the court just gave three of them suspended jail terms and 12 community orders which to be fair, I’d say they’d already done by saving those people. 3 of the people that were due to be deported have now been granted leave to remain and one man has remained with his family that he was going to be separated from. The Stansted 15 have said they’ll appeal against their convictions too, on the grounds that it has implications against freedom to protest, which the court of appeal could ignore to make a point. Either way, it’s a pretty great pardoning and condoning of what they did and further proof that the Home Office is deporting people willy nilly without good reason. Plus I’m really looking forward to the Stansted 15 film where Tom Cruise plays everyone.
INTERVIEW WITH JESS GARLAND
Keeping with the really tenuous Valentine’s theme of this week’s show, do you know what gets me really aroused? What do you mean you really really don’t want to know? Ok, fair enough. But I was going to say, ‘Democracy!’ I mean it doesn’t. But I mean sure sex is good but have you tried a democratic system that actually allows for the informed voices of the public to be heard, considered and debated leading to actual political change? IT CAN’T BE DONE! Well not in the UK right now, no. Now we’re currently indulging in a system where those in charge are supposedly representing the will of the people, it’s just that its only certain people, most of who are in the same party as them and some of whom I’m not 100% certain are people. Our first past the post voting system has been in force since 1884, and its arguable as we doing daily sighing over safe seats, deadlocked parliament and well, Christopher Chope still having a job despite not having accurately represented anyone’s views for at least 100 years, that maybe, just maybe, we need something else that fits today’s democracy. Now look, I’ve met a lot of people and sometimes, I’m not always sure that its wise to give them a say, let alone a vote, when they can’t even indicate when driving or understand what a joke is.
But Citizen’s Assemblies seem like genuinely good ideas. No they aren’t just when members of the public get forced to sit cross legged in a hall while some 6 year olds read them a poem about harvest time. They are instead a way to allow citizens of a place to have an educated debate that leads to actual changes in society. Sounds good? Correct. Possible way forward for society? Hopefully, if anyone can ever remove Theresa May from number 10 without having to use Loctite Remover and some pliers. They are very much something I’m interested in and so this week I spoke to Dr Jessica Garland from Electoral Reform who conducted a Citizen’s Assembly in 2017 about Brexit and she is part of a team who are constantly exploring new ways of doing this democracy lark. Jess very kindly let me ask her all about what they do, how they work, will people be interested and if I can still read my poem about harvest time called hauntingly ‘Reap What You Sow’. Ok I didn’t ask her about the last one but we did have a very lovely chat. Hope you enjoy. Here is Jess:
INTERVIEW WITH JESS PART 1
And we’ll be back with Jess shortly, but look its this bit again. I would say I’m sorry but I mean, it’s not my fault is it? Trust me if I could replace this section with just ‘favourite political pancakes to have’ including suggestions for a Flapjack Brereton, or a Mary Crepe. But you know it’s not till March is it? What’s the point? Also, those are the only two I have. Yes, it was a shit idea. Sigh. Ok. Let’s have it then:
Yet again, I could just spend this section just playing you audio of me throwing cutlery into a bin while a sad dog barks, or the sound of someone repeatedly walking into a glass door, and really you’d be all caught up on where things are. Actually that’s not true as one major change over the past week has been Labour’s Brexit stance. Yes I know that it’s probably already changed as you hear this and yes, probably now again before I finish this sentence and then Shadow International Trade Secretary and Scottish David Brent Barry Gardiner will say something else entirely on 12 different politics shows that he’s somehow on all of in one morning. But look, for now, Labour have presented these 5 terms which if May agrees to, and she hasn’t I mean she’s already rejected one, but if she maybe agrees to the other we might begin to see a vote for her deal that will go through. It’s a big might, larger than a dust one, more a house mite. But its possible as its clear very few MPs want a no deal. So Labour’s terms are 1) for a permanent and comprehensive UK-wide customs union that includes a say on future EU trade deals. Now look already this is pointless as May has said no and there is no chance the EU would let the UK have a say in their deals when we’ve left. But certain centrist Tories agree with the overall idea of a customs union with the EU and it would solve the Northern Ireland problem pretty quickly as well as protect a lot of manufacturing. So, you never know, if someone accidentally hoovers up a bit of May’s red line or falls over it and it gets knocked out of shape, maybe this could sneak in. 2) is for close alignment with the single market which is in May’s Deal but the EU said it was cherry picking which is impossible as we won’t let the people who pick the cherries into the country anymore apparently. So either it’s a full on single market and then blam, freedom of movement comes back. Or its no no to this. But again if its in May’s deal it may allow that to pass parliament which then means it can go to the EU and get rejected again. THERE ARE JUST 46 DAYS TO GO HOLY SHIT.
3) Now this one May is expect to go for, which is a dynamic alignment on rights and protections so UK standards keep pace with evolving standards in the EU as a minimum. The PM is supposedly going to add a guarantee for this into her bill, with what’s known as a regression lock which yes, sounds like everyone’s going to have adult baby tantrums about it, but actually means worker’s protections never go below EU ones. As yet its vague how far Labour want this to go. Does it involve safety standards, air quality standards. What about lifeguards? Hadn’t we better keep the beach cleanliness standards as otherwise they’ll get a rash like I did from the sea in Margate in 1986?
4) This one is about commitments on participating in EU agencies, like Eurotom, remember that from last week? Good times. No Eurotom! Etc etc. Also the medicines agencies and education ones and that one that we worked with to build that satellite that we now won’t use and so many more. That EU! They’ve got so much agency! Anyway you can pay money to be part of these and countries in the European Economic Area are part of many of these but don’t have a say. So its something that could be done, in many ways should be done, but we might be sat at a table while everyone else decides who a tom is, except us.
5) The last one is all about security arrangements and having access to the European arrest warrant databases and basically being able to see which crims are where across the continent, shock, they are all in Spain because we let them go there to open sports bars. I mean, this is an important one, but the EU have already said they couldn’t share the same access as we had unless the UK accept EU data protection laws and the rules of the European Court of Justice. So it depends what’s more important, sovereignty of our courts which I mean, we’ve always had, or knowing exactly who stole the pink panther, or I dunno, whatever else its used for.
May is speaking to parliament tomorrow aka just after you hear this or before you hear this or exactly as you hear this because you multi-task like a pro. Its not clear how many, if any of these terms she’ll accept but as I said, the one on worker’s rights might be a go. Its more likely that she’s going to announce a delay to presenting her plans and ask for more time, because you know, hey there’s loads of that, help yourself right? Gorge yourself stupid on time because its not as if THERE’S ONLY 46 DAYS LEFT! All this does is countdown the clock which could mean it’s all pressure on sorting something out or it could mean a no deal and it looks like that could mean a United Ireland. Yes, as well as the question of Scottish Independence coming up, it now looks like a no deal or even a bad Brexit deal, could lead to an Irish referendum on reunification. Now look, I’m all for unifying things that are meant to be together, like you know, peanut butter and almost anything sandwiches, but it sort of ruins the whole Conservative conserving thing if the union just crumbles. And I’m slightly worried about Wales who’ll be stuck with its least favourite parent.
But we will have to wait and see. One thing that is pretty clear though is that as time is running out, ministers are suddenly rushing through tons of legislation with no one having a clue if any changes have been made. These are statutory instruments and long time listeners may remember me barking on about these a while back. No, a statutory instrument isn’t say, a cello made of stone, or one of those lutes sculptures of cupids play. It is instead an executive order on pissy little things and as a result they don’t usually need House of Commons approval. But with so few days to go till March 29th, and a need to get 600 of them passed before March 29th, who really knows what’s being added to them? Its all done in small committees of Conservative ministers who have very short amounts of time to look at things that took years to create and there is no absolutely no transparency. So we just don’t know if, say, the Road Vehicles and Non-Road Machinery Amendment now says ‘btw no one in Labour is allowed to use a car or they’ll get hit in the face by a shoe’ or the Equine records, identification and movement now says ‘All SNP members will be recognized as horses’ or whatever. No one knows. 117 are done, 40% are still to be put in front of parliament
So 46 days to go, bags of time eh? And there’s every chance at the end of it, the Alcoholic Liquor duties Act 1979 will have been changed so you can only have booze if you voted Tory and Ireland will be Gigireland a mega Ireland, which includes not only Northern Ireland but also they’ll have claimed the Isle of Man and Anglesey as both sought asylum. In the meantime May has decided to only take every 4th word of Labour’s terms, Labour have said that’s fine because they’re too busy insulting themselves to care anymore and the EU have turned out all the lights and instructing everyone to say they aren’t in if Theresa calls. I’m sure it’ll all be fine.
And now back to Jess:
INTERVIEW PART 2
Thanks so much to Jess for having time to talk with me. You can find the Electoral Reform Society at electoral-reform.org.uk or on Facebook at Electoral Reform Society or Twitter @electoralreform and the link to the petition for a more proportional voting system is on their front page. The specific Citizen’s Assembly website is at citizensassembly.co.uk and on Twitter @UKAssemblies.
Next week is all about the transparency, or rather lack of, in think tanks and then, after that, who knows? Why not let me know who I should be talking to and what about and big shout out to Matthew who sent me an amazing list of suggestions, all of whom I am emailing and chasing up this week. If you have some ideas for guests too, please drop me a line @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page on partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at email@example.com. Alternatively, as it’s Valentine’s Day week, why not plant your suggestion in the form of roses or other stereotypically sexy type flowers, like, er, venus fly traps, because they snag your flies which sounds sexy right? Erm. Anyway plant all those and then, when they bloom I’ll get your message as I walk past them. Assuming they haven’t been ruined by cats or slugs and that’s of course if they bloom at all with the constantly unpredictable weather. Ultimately, I’ll assume you want me to interview someone in STEM, which actually, isn’t a bad shout. Well done you. But obviously, it’s much better just to email me.
And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. Ta loads to you, yes you. Not not you. You. Yes thank you for listening to this hoo ha and don’t forget that if you do like the podcast, please subscribe on your pod apps if you haven’t already and review the show and donate to the ko-fi and patreon and tell everyone ever ever throughout all of time, even when they didn’t have podcasts or in the future when sound will be beamed into your eyes because evolution has worked out that no one listens anymore anyway so ears are irrelevant. I mean, tell all of those people to have a listen too.
Thanks yeah to Acast for smuggling these audio peanuts under their sound t-shirt, to my brother The Last Skeptik for all the musical noises and to Kat Day for the linear liner notes.
This will be back next week when May will have addressed parliament by giving them exactly the same speech she gave just weeks ago before announcing the backstop alternative of the backstop. When questioned on it, May will insist its all brand new material before yelling ‘oh no its happening again’ and then making a low humming noise and keeling over.
This week’s show was sponsored by Gavin Williamson’s Hard Power! Are you sick of all this power that you need being in liquid form or whatever electricity is? Try Gavin Williamson’s Hard Power! Solid blocks of power made from raw compressed power and heated over power, for you to chomp on, throw at an enemy’s face or force through the petrol cap of your car causing it to need extreme repairs. Yeah just thinking about it makes me all yeah hard power!
*These items are also known as batteries and may be dangerous to ingest, throw or force into a vehicle. Please don’t give your hard power to a child or animal or defence secretary who is certain that he’s now super fast because he’s got new trainers.