Episode 97 – Things Are Getting Syria

Released on Tuesday, April 17th, 2018.

Episode 97 – Things Are Getting Syria

Episode 97 – It’s all about Syria, again as Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) looks into what it’s all about this time. Plus a chat with Mia Sullivan at Soas Detainee Support (@sdetsup) about Immigration Detention Centres and Detained Voices (@detainedvoices). Oh and more mentions of poo than is necessary.

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Further Reading

Partly Political Broadcast episode 97, 17th April 2018

Things are Getting Syria


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Episode 97 – It’s all about Syria, again as Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) looks into what it’s all about this time. Plus a chat with Mia Sullivan at Soas Detainee Support (@sdetsup) about Immigration Detention Centres and Detained Voices (@detainedvoices). Oh and more mentions of poo than is necessary.

Links and sources of info from Mia Sullivan’s interview:

All the usual ParPolBro stuff:


Episode 97

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, a podcast that puts the ‘oh’ into politics. This is episode 97, I’m Tiernan Douieb and while the prospect of world war 3 is hugely depressing, consider the silver lining that at least they could make a cool logo for it where the 3 is like a W but on it’s side. It’s all about branding right?

Yes once again the Western world have decided they need to bomb Syria, you know, for peace. After a nasty chemical weapon attack on Douma, a city in South Western Syria, that was likely carried out by chinless vampire and President Bashar Al Assad, dough ball left out in the rain and US President Donald Trump felt prompted to send in air strikes to save all the children that he won’t let into the US. Jumping to his aid were French President and primary school boy with an aging disease Emmanuel Macron because France: Stirring up shit in Syria since 1923. And of course our UK Prime Minister and bone collector Theresa May who decided that rather than recall parliament to vote on the matter or take notice that there was no public support for it, she would just authorise action, because you know the will of the people or something. Downing Street has said they are ‘confident’ the strikes that were carried out on Friday night were successful which based on their previous use of that language, means the strikes will be fired by end of the week. Punch-bag made of overripe plums and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson said that the airstrikes would not turn the tide of the conflict in Syria but would say ‘enough is enough’ in terms of deterring more chemical attacks. Classic UK government move, you may continue killing civilians but please only do it with weapons that we’ve sold to you. Former Prime Minister and professional shoe target Tony Blair, backed the action which sort of says to me it probably wasn’t the right move. It’s like if you heard of a medical treatment that sounded like it could be a good thing but then you find out Harold Shipman was a fan.

Labour Leader Jeremy ‘if you bring me 10 rushrooms I’ll reward you with 100 rupees’ Corbyn said that May’s actions were legally questionable and that she should have recalled Parliament. Recall parliament? Mate, how would she remember 650 MPs names when she can barely remember decisions she made last week. May addressed the Commons about the strike that happened two days previously and next she’ll likely lead a debate about possibly now closing the stable door three weeks after all the horses disappeared and she got sent 4 pots of glue in the post. May said the strikes were moral and legal which would make it a first for her to get the double. Sadly there was no non-binding vote by the opposition after the debate, which is a shame as I’d hoped the government would lose just so there was increasing pressure on May to spend the rest of her time as PM working out how to go back in time to fix things.

Syria are still denying the attack has anything to do with them, while not allowing chemical inspectors from the OPCW to investigate the site in Douma. That’s like saying no it’s definitely not a body I’ve got rolled up in these carpets but you’d better not look because he’ll fall out if I have to unwrap it all and it took ages to get his droopy carcass in there. Assad’s allies Russia have said that the UK staged the chemical attack in Douma which is hilarious because have you seen our government? They couldn’t manage something like that. May would try to u-turn on it seconds before it happened, Liam Fox would have his own alibi that didn’t fit with anyone else’s and Boris would’ve tried the chemicals first to be a lad and ended up in A&E. Trump tweeted ‘mission accomplished’ after the raid though no one’s sure if that’s because it went well or once again he was tweeting on the toilet and tweeted instead of informing Melania he was done.

Meanwhile in the US, Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen, man who looks like a cartoon dog in a human flesh skinsuit, had his offices raided by the FBI last week which is the law equivalent of a Hollywood celebrity hunting down someone who is walking around wearing a cardboard cut out of their face. The FBI have not stated what evidence they were looking for or what they found but it was prompted by Cohen’s admittance that he made $130k payment to adult film star Stormy Daniels for her silence about her affair with Trump, though why anyone would want to admit to sleeping with that condom filled with old porridge I’m not sure. Trump said the FBI raid was an attack on our country which hopefully means he’ll only be building a wall around Cohen’s offices and presiding over matters that happen there from now on, rather than the rest of the US. Michael Cohen’s lawyers revealed to the court on Monday evening that as well as Trump and former Republican fundraiser Elliot Brody who paid off a playboy model he had an affair with, that his third client was Fox News host and irate chin Sean Hannity. That means that the self righteous smug prick has likely also had to pay off someone to silence them, and while it probably won’t come to much more than that, it’s incredibly pleasing knowing that his already stained reputation for being a Trump supporting, conspiracy touting idiot, is now in a further deep state of shit.

Former FBI director James Comey has released his memoir called ‘A Higher Loyalty’ in which he refers to the Trump Presidency as a forest fire and says Trump is morally unfit to be president. Come on now, that’s a bit unfair. He’s physically unfit as well, so its well balanced.

Co-Founder of Facebook and an early attempt at AI that appears human Mark Zuckerberg appeared in front of the US congress to answer questions about it’s privacy breaches. Yes, the result was a lot of people who looked like they’d been freshly dug up trying to understand if facebook was something they could access via an abacus, while Zuckerberg somehow avoided answering ‘it’s complicated’ to everything. Ultimately a lot of pointless questions were asked, tons of information was gathered and no real useful conclusion was made leaving everyone unhappy. So all in all, it was quite a lot like Facebook then.

In other news Health Secretary and perpetually startled emu Jeremy Hunt has been referred to the parliamentary standards watchdog after failing to declare his purchase of seven luxury flats in Southampton, which is not the first time he’s got in a fluster about the number of beds available. Let’s be fair, if it were any other MP, just forgetting they owned properties would be suspicious, but with Hunt it seems fairly reasonable. I’m certain most days he has no memory of what his job is.

Labour have announced plans for free bus fares for the under 25’s and that’s not even on a condition that they don’t play shitty music from their phone while travelling or anything. Conservative MP and man that proves nominative determinism isn’t a thing, took to Twitter to say that ‘and remember kids, when it comes to elections, Labour think you’re an adult at 16, when it comes to bus travel you’re not an adult until 25.’ Bit rich from a party who don’t pay minimum wage or housing benefits until 25 but still want kids to pay as much as possible to travel to their badly paid jobs. You may as well appeal to the youth vote by telling them the Tories will make them pay to work but they will get a free lollipop for every 10 chimneys swept.

And lastly the Prime Minister has apologised to those in the Windrush generation who have lived in the UK for up to 70 years but are now being told they’re here illegally. May values deeply the contribution these people have made and rightly so, as if she really wants to get rid of 70 year olds who pop over from abroad to waste the UK’s resources she should just sack most of the Conservative peers.


Hey hey hey. Sorry, it’s that time of the year so my hayfever is kicking in. Ha! God what is happening to me. And I’ve had some sleep. How’s you? Oh dear really? Well I heard that heads do grow back so hopefully you won’t be like that for too long. I’m good thanks. Another week, another podcast where writing this show took twice as long due to my daughter doing the sort of poos that earlier my wife referred to as ‘shitenam’ because she might not get over the trauma of such horrors. We do have an agreement that while I am nappy changer general, on Monday’s she does that while I do this show, but today, oh god today, it’s required both of us. It’s amazing how I’m both appalled and a bit in awe of my daughter for it. This is really all I talk about now too. Poo. Around our flat it’s just shouting out to each other ‘is she ok? Has she pooed?’ And to think I didn’t talk enough shit already.

But there is a podcast of sorts! So thank you ParPolBrods once again for tuning in. This week I would like to thank Dan for doing the Patreon thang, which not only rhymes, but also I’ve realised thanks to a Podcaster’s facebook group that I’m in that I’ve been pronouncing patreon wrongly for ages, because I thought it was Pat-ree-on like it was owned by someone called Pat or you know like the UK pronounciation of patriotic. But it’s actually like the US version of pay tree on, those trees you can deposit cash into that they have in the Americas. Oh woah, I think I’ve just invented the magic money tree. If you can donate to the patreon please do, even if it’s just a dollar a month, as eventually if enough of you do it, I’ll hire some poor soul to just pop by on a Monday and hold my daughter’s feet so she doesn’t stamp them in a substance that’s put me off Dijon mustard for life. The patreon is at patreon.com/parpolbro and hopefully me pronouncing it correctly might direct more of you there. If you don’t want to do a monthly thing then head to ko-fi.com/parpolbro to buy me a coffee which at the moment I’d consider some sort of charitable aid to be honest. Thank you also to the 3 iTunes reviews that were left last week with two very lovely wordy reviews included in that. If you haven’t reviewed the show please do that on your pod app of choice, hit the 5 stars and type a few words. They don’t even have to be ones that make sense, just your favourite ones perhaps in a sort display of words you like. Mine would be ‘plinth obliterate effervescent booty’.

Only bit of admin for this week is that while sadly this show did not get nominated for a British Podcast Award, something that many excellent podcasts including the brilliant Stop and Search podcast with former guest Jason Reed did, it does mean that perhaps this show is just too cool and cult to become mainstream. Ahem. Anyway, the Listener award is still open though and while this show probably doesn’t have enough of you to win it, if you have a minute and fancy entering this podcast’s name on Britishpodcastawards.com/nominations-2018/ that’d be appreciated. Yes all I do is ask you to do things and what might you ask, do I do for you in return? Well I’ve said booty now twice in this show so if that isn’t enough, I don’t know what is. Booty.

On this week’s show I have a chat with Mia Sullivan who volunteers with the Soas Detainee Support who support people who have placed in immigration detention. There is also a look at Syria, a subject that requires the sort of nuance that hasn’t really been seen anywhere online this week but that is because nuance heads to Twitter to die. Of course I don’t want it to die but it is worth thinking about whether it should be kept alive if it’s being neglected and suffering, but of course if it does die will a number of hot topics suffer as a result? So so tricky. Oh and there is still no Brexit! Hooray! It turns out that the feeble answer to War, what is it good for? Is ‘well actually it means we don’t have to hear about fucking Brexit’. I mean, no I’m not sure that’s the toss up anyone asked for but hey, times are bleak, I’ll take what I can get. Anyway, there are no headlines this week because I’m tired. So let’s crack on with this:


You can’t have a rational conversation about immigration say lots of people in news interviews rather than saying anything rational about immigration. They usually then follow that with ‘its not racist to talk about immigration’ which it isn’t but then whatever they say next usually is. Immigration has been the blame of the housing crisis, NHS crisis, austerity, terrorism and well just about anything else that people can’t remember were caused by government policies because if you shout ‘look over there’ quickly enough they’ll forget anything. Personally I feel that immigration brings a wealth of benefits to the UK, rather than taking any and I believe that mainly due to facts and the fact I like having enough staff in our legal, education and health service to name but a few, eating food that isn’t just pies and culture that isn’t just Morris dancers pissing in toby jugs. Or whatever it is they do. But even if for some reason you think this country is full, which it isn’t, I mean, there’s not even anyone walking down my street right now and I’m peering out the window as I record this. Even if you think that, the way in which May’s government treat those classed as immigrants is inhumane, giving them indefinite detention at a variety of secretive detention centres, and then deporting them with little to no notice and no rights to see family or loved ones. This includes men, women and children seeking asylum, refuge and those the government has decided are illegal even if, as the past week of news has finally highlighted with the Windrush generation, they’ve been living and contributing to the UK for over 70 years. Who knew that the only real way to apply for citizenship was to donate to the Conservative Party and buy a ton of luxury flats just so other people can’t live in them.

Yarl’s Wood Immigration Removal Centre is located in Bedfordshire and is described as a ‘fully contained residential centre housing adult women and adult family groups awaiting immigration clearance’ which sounds a lot like how an estate agent would sell a prison. A site called Detained Voices collects the stories and statements of the women imprisoned in Yarl’s Wood and provides a very bleak and often harrowing account of just what these people are going through at the behest of the Home Office. Detained Voices don’t do any media work, they just present verbatim accounts and so I spoke to Mia Sullivan from Soas Detainee Support who agreed to talk to me with Detained Voices consent about why not enough people know about this, why 100 detainees went on hunger strike in February and what can be done to protest and help. I was very grateful to Mia for having the time and after the second part of the interview when I do the links I’m going to plug how you can donate to Soas Detainee Support because everything they do is voluntary and they really, really need help if you can afford to, so just be aware of that as you listen.

Here is Mia:


And we’ll be back with Mia in a minute but first:


Syria, the cradle of civilisation that in recent years has made us all wish the bough had broken and the cradle and baby had just fallen before civilisation grew into such a lost cause. The Syrian civil war is more complex than Brexit negotiations are for David Davis, a man who looks like he’d get confused by his own reflection. If you’re a long time pod listener, do head back to episode 34 where I try to explain some of it and I have a slightly odd interview with Dr Marcus Parpadopolous who gives a, er, very pro-russian view of it all. There’s also the bestest video from Vox from a year ago that I’ve posted on the Facebook group and Twitter that is, as far as I’m concerned the most simple, easy to understand guide there is. Well it was when it was released last year but since then Syria has seen how complex Syria was and then told itself to hold it’s own beer which wouldn’t be possible but it is because it’s that complicated. So I thought I’d use my complete lack of knowledge to try and explain exactly what this last week of chaos is all about before no doubt the news forgets about it all next week and pretends Prince Philip’s hip operation is more important even though it’s not because it doesn’t matter how much hip you insert into him, he’ll never be cool. Never ever.


On April 7th there was a chemical attack in an area on the outskirts of Damascus called Douma, and while numbers are still a bit sketchy, it seems over 40 people died of a chlorine attack. Yes that stuff that protects you from other people’s wee in swimming pools, yes I will get to that in a minute, yes you really shouldn’t swallow when you do underwater strokes. Douma has been under armed opposition aka rebel fighters against Assad’s regime aka Jaysh Al Islaam the ones that you might pretend are the good guys but who’ve allegedly used chemical weapons and used captives as human shields in a quick reminder that everyone involved in this is shit awful. Since 2016 the Assad regime has been trying to get these areas back under its control by waging military campaigns on them in the hope of evacuating anyone who doesn’t want to be ruled by Assad. Basically it’s a super harsh version of take it or leave it and thousands of people have had to leave their homes.

Now Assad and Russia had cut some sort of deal with the opposition fighters to send some fighters away and allow others to stay if they worked with the government but this deal broke down, then there was the chemical attack and then Jaish Al-Islam agreed to the deal again and now loads of people are evacuating Douma. Which follows the current situation of Assad seeming to win the civil war, which isn’t a good thing, but because foreign powers keep getting involved, things keep escalating, which also isn’t a good thing. Ultimately, unless some sort of deity or mythical creature gets involved, there really isn’t a good way to fix this. It’s like when a kid gets their head stuck in the gaps in the bannister. Sure the kid that did that is a dick, the bannister wasn’t ideal and really they’re both to blame but either we cut the bannister or the kid and whatever happens, someone will be at least a bit sad.


Well, if you say there are three sides to this war like an angry triangle, there is Assad and the Syrian Army who are murderous bastards, the anti-Assad opposition who are a multitude of different groups and also murderous bastards and then ISIS who are like really chill dudes. No wait, sorry, murderous bastards. The US is in Syria mainly to fight ISIS. Trump keeps saying the US will leave Syria, but like with all his promises, that means there are now 2000 more troops there than when he said that. Europe are also fighting ISIS but also keen to stabilise the situation because the refugee crisis is mainly affecting them and hey lets save those kids but only in a way that means they don’t want to stay with us. Russia are supporting Assad against the anti-Assad rebels and ISIS and basically wanting to secure even more middle eastern ties along with their close relationships with Iran, Turkey and Israel. Because yes, when the endlessly unstable middle east needs is help from a despotic new potato like Putin who kills his political opponents and probably hacks elections. Iran supports Assad but also wants to be involved in Syria so it can harass Israel it’s enemy from their borders. Isreal meanwhile is in Syria to oppose Iran and it sort of feels a bit like Syria is the youngest sibling sat in the middle seat at the back of the car caught between two very angry older brothers. Saudi Arabia is in Syria also to oppose Iran and fund the anti-Assad rebels and Turkey is in Syria against the Kurds who are in turn opposed to Assad. So the obvious solution would be for the UN to enforce some sort of ceasefire which they won’t do because Russia won’t agree to it, so instead the obvious solution would be for someone’s mum to yell ‘STOP IT’ really loudly and make everyone apologise loudly, like they mean it.


Assad and Russia have been using chemical weapons throughout the Syrian Civil War that isn’t civil because a) other countries are involved and b) using chemical weapons really isn’t very civil at all. Normally they use chlorine because it’s not counted as a nerve agent and doesn’t usually cause as many casualties so no one really cares because the news only likes it when lots of people die or one white person dies. In 2012 President Obama, remember him, the president who wasn’t perfect but could spell things so it seemed better? Yeah him. He said Syria using chemical weapons was a ‘red line’ which meant Indiana Jones would fly a plane there or something. Then last year Trump, you know the one who is worse and can’t spell so seems even worser, yeah him, he launched air strikes in response to a chemical weapons attack in Khan Sheikhoun and now the precedent is set by the president to do that with chemical attacks because you know, Trump only has measured sensible ideas so lets all follow a man who probably has no idea where Syria is.


No, not really. The Ministry of Defence publishes weekly air strikes on the gov.uk site that anyone can access and just a quick look shows, for example that every day from January 6th this year to January 21st they used hellfire or guided missiles to destroy something. SNP Leader Nicola Sturgeon tweeted that air strikes have not resolved the situation in Syria so far so is not persuaded they will do now. The US, France and Israel have also been sending in air strikes for ages and ultimately you have to wonder if their plan to bring about peace is just to destroy everything so there’s nothing left to cause a disturbance. The RAF strikes this past weekend were supposedly very specifically targeted at somewhere Assad had been stockpiling chemical weapons, some distance away from civilian concentrations and using Storm Shadow missiles which are apparently extremely accurate say people who want to sell them for lots of money.


Er possibly and probably especially as his regime has used chlorine attacks a lot before and after this attack, Jaish Al-Islam agreed to evacuate out of Douma. It also doesn’t look great that Russia and Assad’s regime aren’t letting the Organisation of Prohibition of Chemical Weapons send their investigators to the attack site to check. And there are accounts that helicopters were over the site at the time and the opposition don’t use helicopters. But Jaish al-Islam also have a history of chemical weapon use and now all Assad’s chemical weapon stockpiles have been destroyed no one can match the samples that they can’t collect with more samples that they can’t collect. Helpful? No. I mean CSI Syria would be a really long, really boring show, with an awful lot of thumb twiddling and pointless walking round in circles.


Doubt it. Last year before he authorised air strikes after the chemical weapons attacks in Khan Sheikhun, Trump said it was due to seeing pictures of beautiful babies being killed that he had to do something. But his continuing travel ban still applies to Syrians who are seeking to flee to the US. In fact the US has only resettled 11 Syrian refuges this year though to be fair, that may be because leaving Assad to go to Trump is a bit like going from frying pan into a towering inferno of shit. Theresa May condemned these recent attacks saying something must be done, but her party voted against taking in 3000 unaccompanied children from Syria under the Dubs amendment. In fact the UK has only taken in 18% of it’s ‘fair share’ of Syrian refugees compared to other countries. In fact the missiles that were fired cost £790,000 each and so with eight of them used, that’s £6.32m which could have instead been used to resettle 269 refugees at a cost of £23,420 each. May said though that there was no alternative to the strikes, which is the exact opposite of what she said when junior doctors weren’t happy in the UK.


The government say they have legal justification for May authorising strikes without checking with anyone first, even though really considering everything she’s ever done so far points to how she should really ask for helps before she even pops to the loo or crosses the road. The legal justification says you can call for military intervention when there is evidence of extreme humanitarian distress on a large scale requiring immediate relief which is recognised by the international community. Which makes me wonder why no one ordered a military strike on our government after the Grenfell fire. The other two criteria are that it must be objectively clear that there is no alternative to the use of force if lives are to be saved and the use of force must be proportionate to the aim of relief of humanitarian suffering and must be limited in time and in scope. So with dozens of people dying in the chemical attack, Russia constantly vetoing inspectors to check the site and the strikes being on specific targets, then you could sort of say that all fits. Except the UN General Secretary isn’t hunner percent convinced and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn pointed out in the Commons that it’s definitely legally questionable on a number of grounds. He asked if the humanitarian crisis in Yemen gives other countries the right to bomb Saudi Arabia where they keep all the illegal cluster bombs they are using. Silly Corbyn, of course not as they buy UK weapons so are a-ok. Corbyn also pointed out how the US has made air strikes after previous chemical attacks and it’s made fuck all difference so why would this one. Then Jezza said that non-military means haven’t been exhausted because the OPCW haven’t investigated yet but then Russia won’t let them investigate and keep vetoing the UN, so that doesn’t really work because that’s more stale mate than a really old ginger bread man.

But legally there is no precedent that says May should’ve asked parliament, but morally? And yes I know if Theresa May was an Aesop’s Fable it’d end with Aesop saying ‘sometimes this is all fucking pointless.’ Lte’s try anyway. Her not asking parliament doesn’t help the claims of the government wanting a power grab with the EU withdrawal bill etc if May is going off and doing military action by herself. I mean, she’s not doing it, just authorising it. If it was just her parachuting in with a pea shooter I think public support would be much higher. After Blair’s massive fuck up with Iraq though, parliament would’ve been unlikely to agree to authorising it as no one wants that sort of blood on their hands again, so if it had gone to a vote it wouldn’t have happened. May says she had to authorise it quickly to aid allies because speed was of the essence but the attack happened at the beginning of the week and the strike happened at the end. Then again under her government, emergency response times have lengthened all over the place. So yes or no, depending on you know, what you want to hear and really the best judge of whether or not May should’ve had a parliamentary vote will be the opinion polls and local elections in May, I mean not in her in the month. Considering only 25% of the public wanted the UK to send air strikes to Syria, Theresa’s popularity may, er, bomb,

So that’s roughly where are are, leaving out 2000 years or so of Middle Eastern history that never stops getting more tricky. I blame the heat and sand in the foreskin. Seriously, that’s gotta cause a lot of aggro. What next? Well I’m guessing if the West step it up, it’ll lead to more issues with Russia and then who knows what. I mean I have to say, I don’t believe in a deity of any sort but if there is one and their plan was to end all civilisation in the cradle of civilisation, then fair play, that’s a strong narrative arc. Take that Marvel Cinematic Universe!

And now, back to Mia:


Thank you to Mia for having the time to chat to me. Soas Detainee Support can be found at soasdetaineesupport.wordpress.com and please do check out their help SDS page on there which details how you can give them financial support as they are very much in need of that in order to keep doing the good work they’re doing. You can also find them on Twitter @sdetsup. Detained Voices is at detainedvoices.com and @detainedvoices on twitter and it’s a very important if sometimes tough read to hear the accounts of woman detained at Yarl’s Wood. Do check it out and please share to get their stories heard. All the other groups Mia mentioned will be on the linear notes that Kat tirelessly puts together each week and I’ll add those to the ParPolBro Facebook and Twitter accounts by the end of the week.

As always every bloomin’ episode if you have someone or a group or a campaign you’d like me to interview or an issue that hasn’t yet been covered on this show or needs covering again, please do drop me a line at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com, or the Parpolbro twitter or facebook groups. Or start your own podcast called Partly Political Broadcost and as I search for this show in iTunes to check the reviews because I do that because I’m that guy, then your one will pop up and I might listen to it out of anger and get your message or more likely just give it a one star review and do a sub tweet about it because, yes, I really am that guy.


And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. Thank you once again for loaning me one of your five senses or if you’re a small ghost seeing child, one of your sixth senses and please say hello to my great granddad. Please don’t forget to tell others to listen to the show, give it a review on iTunes, Stitcher, Podbean, CastMonkey, DiPodIcus, The United Church Of The Kingdom of Pod, CastTits and others that might actually exist and I haven’t just made up. Also if you can donate to the Patreon or ko-fi that would make me do the sort of happy smile that would make me look untrustworthy and possibly land me in trouble so it’s worth it for that.

Thank you to my brother The Last Skeptik for all the music even though he’s not given me any new loops or beats for ages because apparently he needs them for his job, yeesh and to Acast for hosting this show every week even though no is using violence to make them do it.

This will be back next week when I’ll be looking at Theresa May’s plans to end further human suffering by having anyone with a paper cut be put to death.


This week’s show is brought to you by Trump’s Mission Accomplished Potty Trainer. Help your little one realise when they’ve finished pooping, just not from the mouth!

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