Episode 68

Released on Tuesday, July 11th, 2017.

Episode 68

Episode 68 – Tiernan chats with Northern Irish political comedian Alan Irwin (@alanSRirwin) about NI goings on. Plus a small lecture on tuition fees, and JACOB REES MOGG IS A VILLAIN FROM A CHILDREN’S BOOK!!!

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Further Reading


Transcript

Ep68

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast episode 68. I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week I agree with the High Court stating that it is legal for the Conservatives to sell arms to Saudi Arabia. However I think that it should be illegal for Saudi Arabia to buy them and then Boris Johnson and co would have to stand on the corner casually flaunting bits of planes until someone in a car with tinted windows pulled up and asked discreetly, ‘Hey how much to push an apartheid on the Yemeni people?’

This week’s show comes to you just hours before part boom mic part ghost train and Prime Minister Theresa May has her official relaunch. Whether she’ll be changing her name some sort of symbol that looks a bit like a snake eating itself while insisting everyone refer to her as the ‘Barely Prime Minister Formerly Known As Theresa May’ is yet to be seen. Perhaps she’ll go down the Snoop Dogg reggae route and become Theresa Lion? Obviously choosing the Lion bit over the Snoop bit to avoid confusion over her Investigatory Powers Bill. Or could she go from Theresa May to T Mebbe, or perhaps even just T Meh?

What we do know is that May will announce that a new approach is needed and that she wants rival parties to contribute and not just criticise, you know, in the way that her and her party have been doing for the last 2 and a half months? Calling for this now is like me telling you, the listener, that you’re a total awful piece of shit, and so’s your family and your friends and anyone who likes you or anything you like are the worst examples of humankind. Then asking when you’re popping by to help me paint the living room. What this means is that voters who opted for Conservatives in order to avoid a government that was constructed from a fractured party, had relations to Northern Irish terrorist groups, and didn’t have Labour’s policies are now probably feeling like Lord Buckethead was indeed a better option after all. Shaved gerbil and Secretary Of State Damien Green said May reaching out to other parties was a ‘grown up way of doing politics’ hopefully meaning that he finally understands most adults in today’s rising living costs are still dependant on vast amounts of help. It looks like May will stay on as Prime Minister for at least another year and Justice Secretary David Lidlington said rumours of her earlier departure were down to ‘too much sun and too much warm prosecco.’ Depressing to think the House Of Commons has a quarter of a million pounds annual alcohol bill yet they can’t even manage to keep the stuff in the fridge. If that isn’t the sign of a mismanaged parliament I don’t know what is.

Meanwhile opposition party, Labour are aiming to write off all student debt which would cost around £100bn to do, most of which I think is just the interest on all mine that I’ve never paid back. Shadow Education Secretary and one of Catherine Tate’s Northern characters Angela Rayner said that the party would not do it unless they could afford to. But the Conservatives have argued that if students don’t have crippling debt early on life then how will they fit in or understand current British society under their government?

President Of America and animated bowl of pot pourri Donald Trump met Russia President and world’s angriest thumb Vladimir Putin at the G20 conference. They met for two hours, probably because that’s how long it took Putin to understand Trump’s broken English. Trump said he asked Putin twice about tampering with the US election and Putin denied. Cool. Well that’s that then. I’m pretty sure Putin could’ve had Eric Trump’s severed head on his lap, yet tell Donnie that he had no idea where his son was, and Trump would still think ‘great, that’s sorted then.’ Of course we know that wouldn’t happen because Eric Trump is a vampire and can only be killed by a stake through the heart. Which Donald Trump would probably put ketchup on. Trump and Putin did manage to agree a ceasefire in Southwest Syria, though there’s every chance Putin will just say that’s what’s happened and that’ll be enough for Trumpo. Also none of this has been signed off by the real president of America Ivanka Trump so who really knows. Other developments are that Trump hopes to have a trade deal with the UK quickly. This is however probably just because we’ll give him anything in order to make him leave again.

Meanwhile former Prime Minister and sausage mascot David Cameron reared his oddly inflated, glistening head above the parapet he’s been hiding under for a year, in order to tell critics of austerity that they are selfish. Answering a question no one had asked him ever, Cameron said that it’s selfish because its spending money today that you may need tomorrow. Whereas of course it’s far less selfish to store that money away offshore like David Cameron’s dad did so your children can profit off it without ever contributing to society leading them to make really careless decisions with other people’s lives without much consequence for themselves.

Hello hello! How are you? Are you? Oh sorry to hear that and yes, blue whale carcasses are very hard to get out of the carpet. I am good, thanks for asking, though slowly melting as I record this in my flat which I feel I should probably declare to the council in this weather as dual use of home and sauna. I’m concerned I may evaporate by the time this is done. Enough about me though and more about me, thank you to all those who came along to the preview shows I did in Northern lreland last week in Belfast and Derry. Both were a proper joy and sorry again for my lack of an ending. That’s what the rest of this week is for. Well that and finally seeing Spider-Man. Priorities eh? If all else fails I’ll just finish my Edinburgh show by acting out my favourite bits of Spider-Man. I mean it’s getting 4-5 star reviews everywhere so at least critics would like 20 mins of my show. But seriously, lovely crowds, thanks for coming along, thanks for laughing at all the jokes about the DUP and also a thanks to Colin for donating to the ko-fi.com as he was unable to buy me a pint in Derry because I had a 3.30am start the next day. Yes I do need a manager. No I really shouldn’t organise my own diary anymore. If you too would like to donate to this show, please do that at patreon.com/parpolbro for a monthly thingy or ko-fi.com for a one off thingy. Both are hugely appreciated. Also please please do give the show a review if you haven’t. There’s not been a new review up on the iTunes page for many moons and it does help get new listeners on board so head over there, and really, you can just review the new Spider-man film if you like. No spoilers though puh-lease.

Also if you have time, go check out the brilliant Jonny and the Baptists new video, animated by twitter ledge Moose Allain for their song ‘Only The Queen’. It is great. And that’s sort of it for pre-amble this week. Oh well apart from a mini ask. Some of you are part of the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, some of you aren’t, that’s usually how it goes. If you are, you may have noticed how crap I’ve been updating it lately, very sorry, so I’d like to make it more of a forum to discuss politics, share links to interesting or funny politics articles and comment on podcast stuff. So do join and start posting and then I’ll definitely add gags and things when I’m not travelling. Ok? Good. Good.

This week’s show has an interview with Northern Irish political comedian Alan Irwin as I was over there and he was happy to chat, so I asked him all about what it’s like to have no government. Also, I’ll be looking at if scrapping tuition fees for all students is totally feasibles. Or totes feasbs as the kids say. Which is yet another reason why they all need affordable higher education so they can use proper words again. But of course, before that stuff, there’s this fluff:

HEADLINES

RACIST MP

Conservative MP for Newton Abbot Anne Marie Morris has been recorded saying a highly racist phrase including the N bomb at a meeting of Eurosceptics in London. None of the other Conservative panellists at the event, including MPs Bill Cash and John Redwood seem to react which would make you assume either it’s a phrase they say often enough for it not to be alarming, or they assumed that as Brexit was being discussed why not surround the subject with comments that will also send us back several decades? Many Labour MPs have already called for Morris to resign but her only apology at the time of recording is that the comment was unintentional. Yes because we all have had a slip of the tongue and reverted back to the language of Jim Crow right? I mean how often on the news have you heard presenters get all tongue twisted and start spouting KKK slogans or someone bang their foot and wail out bits of the story of Confederate General Robert E Lee. I think what Anne Marie Morris means is that she usually saves that sort of language for shouting at foreigners in her area. Hopefully she’ll be forced to resign any second now.

FUTURE OF AID

In completely opposite news, the British government are going to pay £30bn to help insure some of the world’s poorest countries against disasters for the next four years. The deal is coined as ‘Future Of Aid’ a combination of words that usually confuse and upset Conservative politicians when used individually. But this is a good thing in theory, as it will protect countries from costs of natural disasters as well as other large scale events, and such prevention rather than reaction could save money in the long term as well as curb refugee crisis. This is alongside money from the UK government for Africa’s banking sector and to improve the Dar Es Salaam port, all of which are things the UK could reap rewards from post Brexit. However there’s been no announcement of insurance companies willing to take part in the scheme yet, and with constant calls for the foreign aid budget to be halved or more this might causes even more public dislike for the PM. Especially when not much money has been put into flood prevention here over the past few years. Also, and I can’t tell you why anyone would think this with a government like ours that has such a flawless record, but if this is being done solely for the benefit of the city of London will the measures be used properly to aid citizens of the countries’ it’s going to? And why doesn’t May just stand up to Trump removing the US from Paris Agreement considering how much damage global warming is causing in those areas? Well as you can tell, right now the answers to all those questions are ‘ARGH I DON’T KNOW, GO ASK YOUR DAD.’ But for a second let’s just pretend this is all selfless good will. Perhaps Theresa May was visited by three ghosts and this is the result. In which case the ‘future of aid’ scheme will actual help other people while making the Conservatives less popular? I don’t know about you but this is definitely my favourite government policy so far.

FIREFIGHTERS RAISE

After voting against the amendment to the Queen’s Speech to lift the public sector pay cap, the government have now offered a 2% pay rise to fire fighters. But the fire fighters union have declined it, as after a pay freeze from 2010 to 2012 and a 1% pay rise cap since then, offering them two percent is like offering someone who’s not eaten for weeks a ryvita. No that won’t fucking help. Not even if you put margarine and a bit of cheese on it which is the only way to make them bearable. If you haven’t heard last week’s interview with Leigh Pickett from the FBU, do go back and have a listen and you’ll realise the stresses the fire brigade are currently under. But while that offer is like fanning flames with a bit of loo roll, this does mean the government are willing to breach the pay cap and it could mean it’s lifted properly soon. However nurses, midwives and soldiers won’t have their cap lifted this year as it’s already been set. Though I’d argue that if those three job sectors teamed up to protest the government would find themselves up against an elite strike team who can heal themselves and unlike the government, actually deliver. I’m not sure they want that.

SAUDI ARABIA WEAPONS CASE

The High Court have rejected claims that the UK government is unlawful by not suspending the sale of arms to Saudi Arabia. The Campaign Against Arms Trade said that more than 10,000 people have been killed in Yemen by weapons and arms supplied by the UK to the Saudis, and therefore were breaching international humanitarian law. But the court saw some top secret evidence that could not be disclosed to the public and decide the government are all ok as hey it’s not guns who kill people right, it’s the people you sell the guns to who fill those guns with bullets and kill people with them. I do wonder what the closed material said. Something like ‘The 39 Steps is an organization of spies collecting information on behalf of the foreign office of…’ probably. Either way, sadly it looks like the further removed we are from the fight the more it’s now legally ok for the UK to supply arms for terrible wars. Fingers crossed there is an appeal and at very worst the Supreme Court say it’s still legal but you can’t advertise and Boris Johnson has deliver everything to it’s location of use by hand. If you head back to episode 30 where I spoke to Andrew Smith at Campaign Against the Arms trade you can get more info about it all.

JACOB REES MOGG JINGLE

JACOB REES MOGG
LOOKS LIKE A VILLIAN
A REAL NASTY VILLIAN
IN A CHILDREN’S BOOK
OH BUT HE’S SO FUNNY
AND HE’S SO CHARMING
YES SO ARE VILLIANS
JUST TAKE A LOOK

HE TRIED TO CHANGE TIME
SO SOMERSET WAS BEHIND
LIKE IN THE PAST
BUT ALL THE TIME
THAT’S JUST LIKE A VILLIAN
A REAL EVIL VILLIAN
WANTING TO SLOW TIME
TO FIGHT THE FLASH

HE WANTS BOWLER HATS
FOR COUNCIL OFFICIALS
HE DOES NOT WANT MARRIAGE
FOR GAY INDIVIDUALS
THAT’S JUST LIKE A VILLIAN
WHO WANTS TO DESTROY LOVE
BECAUSE HE CAN’T FIND LOVE
EXCEPT FOR HIS PENGUINS
YES THEY WEAR BOWLER HATS

JACOB REES MOGG
LOOKS LIKE A VILLIAN
THE SORT OF VILLIAN
WHO WOULD LIVE ON AN ISLAND

PLOTTING SOME BAD THINGS
UNTIL CHILDREN RUIN IT
THEN HE’D GET ANGRY
AND KIDNAP THEIR DOG

HE THINKS GLOBAL WARMING
IS TOTAL NONSENSE
BUT THAT BREXIT IS CLEVER
AND GOING QUITE FINE

THAT’S JUST LIKE A VILLIAN
WHO LIKES TOTAL CHAOS
BECAUSE IT UPSETS THE FABRIC
OF SPACE AND TIME

HE HAS SIX CHILDREN
WHICH IS TOO MANY CHILDREN
NO ONE NEEDS THAT MANY CHILDREN
DOES HE NOT SLEEP?

THAT’S LIKE THE T1000
OR LOTS OF OTHER VILLIANS
VILLAINS DON’T SLEEP
SEE HE’S A VILLIAN?
JACOB REES MOGG IS A VILLIAN
HOW CAN YOU LIKE HIM
WHEN HE WANTS YOU DEAD?

INTERVIEW WITH ALAN IRWIN PART 1

I spent two days last week in Belfast and a day in Derry for shows, and while there were a terrifying amount of UDA flags in the area I stayed in, the country didn’t feel like it was racing around in a blind panic without a government despite what headlines might make you think. If anything, according to the audience I performed to, they were all pretty sick of how useless everyone was being too and otherwise everything was trotting along as per normal down to the beautifully rainy July weather. So considering that the only time we heard about Northern Ireland during the election campaign over here on the mainland was when Corbyn’s connections to the IRA were used as campaign slurs and then the only time we heard about NI after the election was as the government made a deal with the DUP to retain power, I thought it’d be nice to hear what people in NI thought about everything. For once. If you remember back in January for episode 45 I spoke to Matt Fulton at Progressive Politics Northern Ireland who explained all about the cash for ash scandal and the then upcoming Assembly elections. But so much has happened since then that I thought the podcast was due an update. So this week, thanks to the brilliant Black Box Theatre in Belfast who let us use one of the dressing rooms to record, I spoke to political comedian Alan Irwin about how things are. Alan is a brilliantly funny and sharp man and can be seen doing gigs all over Northern Ireland and occasionally the rest of the UK too and we had a lovely chat all about what now and what next for NI.

Here’s Alan:

And we’ll be back with Alan in a minute but first:

UNIVERSITY TUITION FEES

I started university in September 1999. That stupid song by Eiffel 65 about being blue was played everywhere like a cry for help from a Las Vegas show troupe, my Nokia phone only had snake on it, baffling me as to why it’d eat apples then keep moving instead of having any digestion time as surely that’d kill it anyway, and it was also the second education year that tuition fees had been rolled out. My course was 4 years long and at £3k per year of loan, plus interest & occasional necessary top ups I amounted £16k of debt by the time I’d left in 2003. As yet, I’ve paid pretty much none of it off due to the joys of self employment and every time a letter arrives at my parents house with another chunk of interest added to the amount I feel partly guilty at my lack of returning funds and partly smug that they really didn’t check what loaning money to someone doing a ‘drama degree’ actually meant. Did I spend my loan money properly? Yes, it covered my accommodation and tuition fees with my waiting and retail jobs covering living expenses and copious drinking habits. Was my degree worth it? Debateable but I wouldn’t be doing what I do now if I hadn’t done it. Some of you would say that means it definitely wasn’t I’m sure. Do I think I should still be paying for it? Well no. Of course not.

And this is the current contentious issue of the week. Ever since former Lib Dem leader and name like a prosthetic limb thief Nick Clegg promised to oppose any increase in tuition fees in 2012, then didn’t and there was an auto-tune song of his apology and everything went wrong for him, it’s been a pretty contentious issue in politics. Labour’s recent election manifesto promised to abolish tuition fees, with them now promising to scrap all student debt. The Conservatives are talking about a review but many say it’ll be too expensive to scrap them entirely and funding universities may be a problem without them. And today Lord Adonis, a man who proves nominative determinism isn’t always a thing, he said tuition fees are now so politically diseased that they should be scrapped, and he’s the person who came up with them. So to what degree is any of this the truth? Well I will honors you with some info bachelors and bachelorettes so get ready for some serious lecturing on it all. Oh and I’m mainly gonna be looking at tuition fees in England here as Scotland have their own free thang and I haven’t got a clue what’s going on in Wales but I once did a gig at Cardiff Uni for medical students and they looked like they were having more fun than anyone so I reckon they’re alright.

So firstly in England, at the moment, tuition fees for an undergraduate degree are £9250 a year. That’s just less than US private colleges but more than anywhere else in the world. All you’re all like yeah but we got the Oxbridges, but I’m like yeah but Italy’s got the Bolognas and Paris got the Parises and they’re all pretty well established too. Most of Europe doesn’t charge fees or has very low fees. Germany has just recently scrapped theirs and even though I just compared it to the US, all US courses are 4 years and actually, England is still more expensive than the state universities. So if you study in England for a 3 year undergraduate degree, you’re looking at a whacking great debt of £27750 before any interest. That’s the same price as a Chafer Sentry 5000 L tactor with Auto boom levelling which I have no idea what any of that means but it sounds great. I’ve often needed level booms, I don’t know about you. It also has air brakes which I presume work like air guitars. So three years of studying for invaluable information, or one big fuck off tractor that goes round sorting out booms? Your call. Actually after interest of 6.1% most students are going to owe over £50800 especially after student maintenance grants were cut. So that’s a lot of student debt or two Rolex Pearlmaster watches. Which you shouldn’t buy because that’s a waste and they look disgusting. Like if Mr T puked on a sponge finger. Of course, I should mention, no one pays the money for an English undergraduate course upfront, and it’s only paid back if you earn at least £21k net.

But still, if you land a job that pays that much once you leave uni, that’s a lot to be paying back right? So you’d almost think a ton of students would think fuck that, I’ll get a tractor. But actually, student numbers have constantly increased according to UCAS figures. Applications last year rose, and the most recent as fall in numbers was back in 2012 when tuition fees were increased. But still, there’s due to be more than 500,000 applicants starting university in England this Autumn. But the issue isn’t how many but who many. Yeah I said who many. And I have a 2:1. By who many, I mean 18 year olds heading to uni have gone up, as have the amount of female applicants who are 35% more likely to go than men. And it’s those sorts of stats, if I remember, that are used to persuade teenage boys to apply. But pupils from state funded schools applying for uni have fallen, as have older students and nursing students which is worrying. But confusingly, the number of 18 year old applicants from disadvantaged areas has risen consistently. So what does any of this mean? Well as always, figures aren’t complete as UCAS’s figures on state school pupils don’t included state funded academies, grammar schools or sixth form colleges, so it’s hard to say for sure if these increased fees have prevented anyone from any background from applying. Apart from wannabe nurses, though while there’s every chance that’s to do with nursing training funds being cut, it could also be that people know the job of nursing itself is stuck in a pay freeze so why save lives when you can barely keep your own going. I really hope all those prospective students buy those big tractors and chase Jeremy Hunt everywhere on them. Oh and as I said, applications from older students and part time students have dropped a lot, by about 200,000. A lot of those are likely to be adults who often already have too many costs, and have jobs that will no longer pay for their staff to take the courses. Which is an odd thing for a company to do. Hey everyone! Come buy with us! We 100% guarantee all our staff are under qualified!

And still according to the Office of Economic Co-Operation and Development, being a graduate means you’re more likely to get better paid work and a lower likelihood that you’ll become unemployed. This of course changes depending on what you studied, where you studied it, what grade you achieved and I mean, it’s not in any stats, but who you happened to meet and work with. I mean if I hadn’t lived in my first year next door to a really weird posh boy who had a double room and was never there and got arrested for trying to hit another kid with a metal pole when he was off his face on drugs, who knows where I’d be today! Ah fun times.

And obviously, obviously it is best for a country to have as many well educated people as possible. University opens up a world of knowledge, possibilities but also socialising, and friendships that are invaluable. Except the one with that posh boy. But many students have complained in recent years that they aren’t getting their money’s worth from studying with teaching hours being cut, and academics being on zero hours contracts having to find time to research in order to maintain their work, rather than meeting and interacting with students. And if you haven’t enjoyed your degree or felt you’d learned what you thought you would, you can’t really apply for a refund. A third of graduates now say they regret going to uni at all. Which is sad but still not as sad as that man in the pub who boasts of ‘going to the university of life mate’ yet doesn’t seem to have experienced or learned very much from going there.

But is it actually affordable for Labour or anyone else to suddenly scrap tuition fees? Right or wrong it may be? It will cost about £100bn to repay all current student debt and then more per year of covering students tuition fees. That’s like doing a shifty deal with 100 DUPs. That money will have to be found probably from tax rises or wherever the Conservatives keep that special tree. But the bigger issue may be keeping up with the funding universities will lose from Brexit. Apparently 1/3rd of that will never be paid back – sorry everyone, my bad – but that’s still the same amount as doing a deal with 66.6 DUPs.

Foreign students pay a lot more than UK students and already Cambridge University are reporting a 15% drop in applications from the EU. With Theresa May also insisting to not remove foreign students from immigration figures and a promise to reduce immigration, their numbers are likely to drop too which is another big chunk of funding for universities gone too. Then there’s several universities that have debt saddled from the Public Finance Initiatives they are part of, with consortiums of private sector banks and construction firms owning the buildings several universities use, and loaning them out at increasing cost. So actually, maybe lowering, rather than scrapping is the way forward, and cutting the crazy interest rates. Other suggestions include the government cutting back on loans but using that money to give to the universities instead to buy their own endowments and use those to fund themselves in the future. This would make universities privately owned rather than publicly which would be more like the US system. That could have a heap of it’s own issues but would provide a way for higher education facilities to keep themselves going which keeping things affordable for students. Another suggestion is that courses that are needed by the public are funded more by the public and those that aren’t that useful, like graphic design, brewing, or surf science, or I guess my Drama degree that’s only really made me qualified to find a space, that those are funded by loans.

It’s harder than doing a degree itself. Well the degree I did anyway. I didn’t even have exams. But something does need to be done as right now students are landed with a ton of debt they will find hard to pay back and be lumbered with for life, while universities will suffer if they don’t. Hopefully a government review will come to some sort of conclusion. If it doesn’t we may have to find a way to educate some people in a special ‘tuition fees’ degree course in order to handle it. At least that way, no matter the debt they accrue, they are guaranteed a job when they graduate.

And now, back to Alan:

INTERVIEW WITH ALAN IRWIN PART 2

Big thanks to Alan for sparing the time for me to interview him. Alan can be found on Twitter @alanSRIrwin and if you are based in Belfast he is performing an hour of new material at the Black Box Theatre on July 17th at 8pm. Do check it out. The people Alan recommended following are:
Ken Reid – @kenreid_utv
Mark Davenport – @markdavenport
Big thank you also to the Black Box Theatre for the space, they’ve got loads of great shows on all the time so do go and see stuff and also thank you to Bec Hill who stayed very quiet on the sofa throughout the interview despite threatening to make noise throughout. If you’re going to the Edinburgh Fringe do go and check out her new show as it’s brilliant.

There’s only two more episode before I take a break for the summer but still if you have anyone you’d like me to interview or subjects you’d like me to interview people about, do let me know. I’m really keen to get more international politics stuff on, and I think it’s high time for a Trump update if I can find a suitable interviewee to do that. Any suggestions would be great. As always you can contact me via @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast group on Facebook or partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or write your message in secret code masked in the background of famous paintings then eventually Dan Brown will write a shitty book about it, I’ll watch the film, hate it and completely miss what you’ve asked. Yeah, thinking about it, just email me.

PPB Question of The Week – Moggmania is a recent social media phenomenon of a rise in Facebook groups supporting or satirising Conservative MP and enemy of the Bodelaire Children, Jacob Rees Mogg. Despite the MP for North East Somerset having a voting record that is so shitty it may as well include promising to seear at kittens and push over grannies on it, when faced with the u-turning piss mess that is Theresa May, many would prefer a conviction politician like Mogg. Even if his conviction is to directly result in the awakening of a 21st century Dickens who’s sole purpose is to scribe the depravity a Mogg government would cause. Anyway, the news this past week was that Mogg has had a sixth child. Yes, sixth. This now means there will be at least one mini boss at the end of every level before you have to face the Mogg. His children are named Alfred Wulfric Leyson Pius, Thomas Wentworth Somerset Dunstan, Peter Theodore Alphege, Anselm Charles Fitzwilliam, Mary Anne Charlotte Emma and the new host body Sixtus Dominic Boniface Christopher. So I asked you, the people, were this workhouse fertility icon to breed again, what on earth would he name his 7th, 8th or even 9th child?

Lee ‘Budgie’ Barnett‏ @budgie
Oh God I’m Sorry I Meant To Stop After Five

@Cromerty
More
I have just announced the birth of my sixth child: Bivouac Telesphorus Nutmeg PEBKAC

@reddite
Septimus Brexit Octavia Innovative-Jam

@beaubodor
1. Spare Parts For Siblings Rees-Mogg 2. Wet Nursed ’til University Rees-Mogg

@bensonmic
Bazinga Ogilvy Bullingdon Furiosa Greyjoy Rees-Mogg, or, “Which-One-Are-You-Again-We-Really-Must-Get-Nametags”
“Not-In-The-Face” Rees-Mogg

@RealNeilTurner
Susan. If it’s a girl.

@RobThorley
He’s waiting until #8 so that he can spawn Optimus Prime Rees-Mogg

@MiniMeier
Jacob Rees-Mogg Part VII: The New Blood

@stephenmcdaid
Skeletor, Wizbit and Barronette.

@DannyBeckenham
More
Antaeries, Slartibartfast and reljk

Matt Kinson He won’t mind as long as it doesn’t sound weird being chanted by monks

Andy Zoidberg Walker Hansard, Concertina, Chad

Matt Kinson Whatever is hot in the 1896 big book of wizard names

Tatton Spiller Gradgrind.

Rob Skene Bucco (Fool) , Varro (Block Head), or the classic Biggus Dickus. 😂

James Ross Sepsis, Octopodes, Nineveh, Tenement and Elevenses.

Rhoda Baker Septem Moggie

Richard Barnes Septimus Platinumspoon, Octavia Alreadypaidthrougheton,
Nonatorious Torybastard…

Andrew Mackay Septic Anachronistic Filibuster de Stool Rees-Mogg

There’ll be another Q of the week next week. Look out of it on the Facebook group or Twitter page on Sunday night and send your answers over.

BREXIT FALLOUT

Quickity Brexit Brexquick this week. Liberal Democrat MP and chaser of Smurfs Vince Cable suggested on the Marr show on Sunday that Brexit may never happen. While that might be wishful thinking to ol’ Vince I’m starting to wonder if he’s right, to an extent, or that rather it will happen but not by very much and in the end after faffing about for two years, we’ll probably be back to where we started just paying more to do so. The reason I say this is because in the past week a majority of businesses surveyed by the British Chambers of Commerce want the UK to stay in the single market, a cross party Brexit group has said that all options should be on the table and they weren’t talking about biscuit choices, and the EU has just signed a big free trade deal with Japan which helps fill the hole the UK would make moneywise meaning they won’t be half as bothered to sweeten any deals. Or at least umami any deals. Not that they were anyway. I mean they’ve just said that May’s deal to EU citizens in the UK falls short of what citizens are entitled to and the EU leaders said they will refuse to sign anything that removes rights already acquired by their citizens. And because of the decision to leave Euratom, the European Nuclear Standards Agency, something that was included in May’s letter announcing the launch of Article 50, the Royal College of Radiologists are warning that it could affect cancer treatments in the UK as we may not be able to get many of the materials needed if we go.

So Brexit could make Theresa May literally a cancer sympathiser. When it’s said that people are battling with cancer, the Prime Minister Theresa May could well be the one arming the bad guys. Still, I suppose that’s not really out of character is it?

END

And that is all for this week’s episode of Partly Political Broadcast. Thanks as always for listening and if you enjoy the show please please do spread the word, review the show on iTunes, Stitcher, Podbean or a rental car website mainly to piss them off as I discovered last week that they’re called Hertz because that’s what they do to customer’s bank accounts.

Also thanks to Acast for hosting the show and my brother The Last Skeptik for all his musics. Do check out his podcast Thanks For Trying when you can.

This will be back next week when Theresa May will have told Labour they would crash the economy before asking if she can copy their notes on the economy. Meanwhile Donald Trump will find himself living on the White House lawn after Putin promises not to take over the Oval Office and Jacob Rees Mogg is arrested after trying to kill a small boy wizard.

BYE!

This week’s show was brought to you by the number 6 which is the amount of children Jacob Rees Mogg has and also the amount of sides on a cell in a beehive and the amount of legs bees have. Oh god, he’s creating his own army of workers! SOMEBODY MUST STOP REES MOGG!

Email Tiernan