Episode 118 – Episode 118 – I watched the budget and all I got was this lousy podcast – Budget 2018, Greenpeace, Halloween Special

Released on Tuesday, October 30th, 2018.

Episode 118 – Episode 118 – I watched the budget and all I got was this lousy podcast – Budget 2018, Greenpeace, Halloween Special

Episode One Hundred and Eight-Screeeaam! (118) It’s the Halloween special, which is a) Not that Halloween-y or all that special. But it does have a look at the Budget 2018, Brexit Fallout, and Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) interviews Graham Thompson from Greenpeace (@greenpeaceuk) all about the scariest thing ever, climate change.

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Further Reading

Linear liner notes

Episode One Hundred and Eight-Screeeaam! (118) It’s the Halloween special, which is a) Not that Halloween-y or all that special. But it does have a look at the Budget 2018, Brexit Fallout, and Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) interviews Graham Thompson from Greenpeace (@greenpeaceuk) all about the scariest thing ever, climate change.

Links and sources of info from Graham’s interview:

All the usual ParPolBro stuff:


Transcript

Ep118

 

Hello and welcome to the PAAARGHrtly PoliticAAAARGGHHl BroadcAAARRGHHst podcAAARRGHHst, the podcast this Halloween asks if maybe the most terrifying thing about the dead punching their skeletal fingers through the dirt and rising their rotting corpses from their graves is that they might then renew their Conserative party membership. This is episode one hundred and eight scream and I’m Fear-Nan Boo-Yeb, cough cough cough, sorry I mean episode 118, I’m Tiernan Douieb, sorry, coldy thing. Ahem. And this week as the budget arrived just days before All Hallow’s Eve, Chancellor of the Exchequer and soulless beast that all humour fears for lest he murder it mercilessly as part of a very boring speech, Phillip Hammond announced that the well-known horror the era of austerity is coming to an end, though judging by the rest of his speech it does sound like he’s set up it for multiple sequels and spin offs with largely the same supporting cast.

 

Yes it wasn’t quite the usual slasher flick that the budget has been but instead Spreadsheet Phil, so called because he’s so devoid of personality he shares most of his cells with a table, instead just went for funding increases so nothingy that its more like one of those early 2000s torture films where everything is left to die painfully and in a dragged out manner from previous injuries. It’s like a really unexciting Saw sequel ie any of them, where this time Jigsaw spends 7 years hacking away at one of his victims only to then spend the next 5 years occasionally offering to put a not quite big enough plaster on some of the less devastating wounds. This was added to by the psychological pain of a bevy of poorly told and written toilet jokes from Hammond as he announced more money for public loos, none of which included saying the public would feel anymore flush or pointing out just how shit all of it was. Schools are getting a one-off bonus of £400m said Hammond said was for all the little extras they need, which I feel is a very cold way to refer to children. There was also the announcement of a commemorative Brexit 50p coin, probably so you can remember why you’re having to sharpen the edges to form a rudimentary shuriken to hunt pigeons with so you’ve got some sustenance after the No Deal. There’s also £420m to tackle potholes, but the Asphalt Industry Alliance reckons it’ll take at least £8bn to fix all of them. Yes you can make your own jokes here about there not even being enough money to avoid a rocky road or structural failure. And yes, who’s fault? Hee hee, asphalt. Hee hee hee. Hee hee hee. The budget speech went on for so long it felt like Hammond was trying to compensate for the loss of the Spring budget by talking till it arrived again and what makes that all worse is really he could’ve just turned up and said ‘Well I don’t fucking know because shitting Brexit innit?’ then walked out of the Commons and we’d still be in exactly the same position but ultimately a lot less bored.

 

SCREAM SFX

 

Meanwhile across the pond in the US, they can probably scrap fictional scary stories altogether as the week brought two major abhorrent events. Firstly, the MAGA Bomber, a man who went from being a DJ, bodybuilder, male dancer and pizza delivery man to sending bombs to many major democrats. Yeah now I’ve read all those jobs out actually, that escalated much like I expected. Cesar Sayoc sent glass filled bombs to news stations, former President and the affable black guy in a horror film who goes too soon only for chaos to follow Barack Obama, and woman who’s Halloween costume is healthy Christopher Walken Hilary Clinton and all because he’s a fan of, you guessed it, US President and the only person even the Thing would go, nah I’m not gonna impersonate that, Donald Trump. It’s funny though isn’t it because it’s not like bronzed hemorrhoid Trump has ever incited violence against his enemies or anything like that? Weird. So weird. Luckily no one was hurt by Sayoc’s attempts once again Trump went down the tactful, empathic route and said the whole thing was being used by the media to score political points against him with the mid-term elections coming up. It is a shame that in his constant desire to make everything about how he is the victim and in need of attention that he didn’t make a speech about how unfair it was that everyone else was getting sent bombs except him, the true President, as I think that’d have gained a lot more public support. Sadly, the week ended with a truly upsetting shooting at a synagogue in Pittsburgh where a white supremacist, racist arsehole shot 11 Jewish people dead. The Nazi shooter Robert Bowers, a man who yet again in face alone proves white people are not the master race but more a sort of moving grubby playdough sculpture, was not a Trump supporter, but according to his social media it was only because Trump is not racist enough for him in a move no one could ever have quite expected considering just how divisive, bigoted and well, racist he’s been over the past two years. It’s like if someone told you they didn’t like Bono because he wasn’t smug enough. Again, the President’s thoughtful, kind and leaderlike response to this tragic event was to suggest that those inside the synagogue should have had more guns as protection. Yes, and if you are afraid of being attacked by an alligator, what you should do is fill your home with lots of even bigger alligators. In recent years, terror attacks in the US by far-right white nationalists have exceeded those caused by radical Islamists in the 15 years following 9/11, which makes me wonder if actually loads of global leaders should look to Trump for inspiration and maybe make some sort of an immigration ban applicable to those who hold certain dangerous beliefs? I suggest full body searches at airports for anyone with a mullet, wearing denim and playing kid rock on their phones.

 

Speaking of dangerous beliefs and leaders who deliver hate like it’s a takeaway leaflet, Brazil have elected Jair Bolsonaro, a man who looks like Sam Neill had been given an old gypsy curse, as their president. Bolsonaro is known mainly for his racist, misogynistic and homophobic comments but also for the fact he hasn’t committed fraud and corruption unlike many other Brazillian politicians. While he’s being called the Brazillian Trump it’s likely he’s even more of a threat to the citizens of his country on account of clearly being so caught up in being hateful he doesn’t even have time to do the sort of dodgy things Trump does. I’m also concerned that with Bolsonaro’s comments on foreigners and his backing of police getting the right to shoot who they want, that big Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio is in serious trouble as he already has his hands up.

 

Back in the UK, Prime Minister and Frankenstein – doctor or monster? Correct – Theresa May has kept her job after her meeting with the 1922 party was said, by one unnamed MP to be more of a petting zoo than a lion’s den. All these meetings are secret with no press allowed so we don’t know exactly what went on but judging by that description, I hope everyone washed their hands afterwards. Home Secretary and parliamentary Count Orlak Sajid Javid has had to apologise to over 400 people who were wrongly forced to take DNA tests to prove they could live in Britain. Still, maybe this explains why, as recent reports into harassment in Parliament have confirmed, so many that work there seem eager to give theirs away all the time. The European Parliament has backed an EU wide ban into selling arms to Saudi Arabia after the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi and the escalation of the Yemen war, but the Conservative MEPs abstained from the vote because as one said, they were still awaiting answers from Saudi, which considering they murdered an investigative journalist, they’re not clearly not keen on revealing details. There are very few questions so pertinent that while you’re waiting you could give the person you’re asking a shit ton of weapons. Excuse me, are you going to use that to massacre people? Oh you’re keeping schtum, oh well, here you go, here’s some heavy artillery as promised, have fun and drop me a line when you’re feeling chatty. Another possible glimpse at the UK’s post Brexit future are concerns from Liberal Democrat leader and Hollow Man Vince Cable that a cack handed immigration policy could stop certain dancers from appearing on popular jig show Strictly Come Dancing. What better analogy for Brexit, than a bunch of people dancing round in circles all by themselves? No 10 said it won’t ruin the program but then why would we trust the people who thought they could waltz through negotiations but instead have to last minute chachacha because of all their endless jive.

 

HORROR SFX

 

Admin

 

Hey podfiends, how’s you? I’m a bit cold to be honest. The heating’s on but there’s a really odd chill in this room for some reason.

SFX of a child laughing

 

Probably just me. Anyway, thanks for listening in to this nonsense again. What are you doing for Halloween? Staying indoors and whispering fuck off every time children ring your doorbell? Me too! I haven’t even sorted a Halloween costume yet, but I’m struggling to work out which scary thing to go as the last 5% of Brexit negotiations, Donald Trump’s umbrella or Boris Johnson’s notebook of ideas. I have spent the weekend doing kids shows in freezing cold Ireland, where I made the mistake of assuming that because the temperature was the same as London I could wear the same clothes and then arrived and forget the cold wind on the Emerald Isle like to punch you in the face like a sack of iced bricks. So inbetween shows I mainly huddled in the warmth and drank proper Guinness with comedian Bec Hill. You know proper Guinness that they only have in Ireland where it actually tastes of light creamy happiness, unlike the one you can buy in the UK that tastes very much of years of oppression.  Anyway the whole trip was a lot of fun except I had to fly with Ryanair something I was dreading before the recent controversy and of course the flights were uncomfortable and delayed and you know, all the things that make you wonder if you’d have had a better experience if you sat in a barrel and someone lobbed you over the water with a catapult. I do wonder if Ryanair pandering to racists and constantly making timekeeping promises that they fail to deliver if actually this is all just part of their plan to have a successful post Brexit business. Me and Bec did contemplate just calling each other words like gammon or honky to see if we could get an upgrade but we sitting together cost more so we didn’t bother and just had crap journeys at opposite ends of the plane. Stupid awful Ryanair.

 

Anyway, brrrr,

SFX noise

 

So weird. This radiator is definitely on full. Anyway, only a brief bit of admin on this week’s Halloween special, the time of year when I almost welcome creepy beasties and monsters because being terrorized by them would be a blessed relief compared to watching how constantly scary politics is. So this week I’d like to thank Ande for joining the Patreon and for some reason actually being pleased by the crap extras I’ve put on there. Thanks Ande. One day I will put better things on there. One day. If you too would like to donate towards this podcast with either money or blood or various organs, I mean it is Halloween, but actually maybe just money. I’m not sure I want you send me your spleen in the post. If anything the cleaning up I’d have to do to dispose of it or the years of difficulty trying to get myself out of the organ black market would hinder the creation of this show quite a lot. So better, for a regular monthly donation head to patreon.com/parpolbro or for a one off you can do ko-fi.com/parpolbro and give me the equivalent of a coffee. I mean moneywise that is. They don’t just send me a tea in the post, all slushing around in the envelope and scolding the postman. If you can review this show on your favourite pod app, or as it’s Halloween, favourite odd trap. Yes while I’d prefer an iTunes review, for this week only if you want to write 5 stars and why you like the show on an old steel jaw, then go for it and as your victim screams in agony while misstepping as you chase them through the woods, perhaps they’ll look down, read it and think, well if I survive this, I’ll give it a listen. And of course most of all tell everyone you know, alive or dead, to tune in, although I am worried if ghosts give this a go, they’ll think just give it a medium rating. Arf.

 

Right that’s the important stuff and so onto this week’s show which includes REVERSE VOICE SFX sorry, indigestion. I was just going to say on this week’s show I speak to Graham Thompson from Greenpeace about the genuinely most scary thing happening to the planet, climate change. Plus: Budget Budget Budget stuff and of course Brexit Fallout because you have to have those really boring moments in horror films, you know with all the tropes where the characters do really stupid things, so the jumps really work at other points right? That is Brexit all over. Pretty sure if the government decided to tackle the Book Of The Dead, we’d be assured they’d sort it out and that everything was going fine while Raab ran around possessed by a ghost and Michael Gove violated a tree. Because it would definitely happen that way around. And at some point I’ll hopefully work out just why this room is so, so cold.

 

SFX

 

Anyway, before all that, here’s this:

 

 

 

BREXIT FALLOUT

 

 

Once again, it’s great to be able to report that little to nothing is happening. If Brexit was a horror movie it’d be, no wait that doesn’t work, because it is one. But if it was another one, it’d be the Blair Witch Project because nothing happens for ages and then all of a sudden everything is terrifying and then it caused a really bad series of sequels to follow. While May’s temporarily managed to calm her own hordes, her previous promise that Brexit is 95% there has been smashed down by European parliament’s Brexit negotiator and Elton John if he’d been buried in the Pet Cemetery, Guy Verhofstadt who said actually it’s at 0% because the Irish Border issue has still not been sorted. Verhofstadt is not completely right as a handful of tiny, tiny things have been done and you know, several people have said the words backstop so often that if they did it into a mirror Candyman would appear just to tell to stop because it’s annoying and how would they like it if he turned up to their workplace and actually did work or something. So if you want to get picky, it’s more likely that it’s somewhere between 95% and 0%, so maybe, I’m just hazarding a guess based on my limited knowledge, er…. 3%. Yeah take that Guy, how dare you insult our PM like that. Slam, there’s my British values on the coffee table. But there’s three bits of news all of which fit nicely with this week’s seasonal theme. Yes, well spotted, that means they’ll all make you feel uneasy and probably quite scared. Perfect!

 

First up, the National Audit Office released a report on the preparation for a no deal Brexit and let’s just say that if they’d put as much effort into the report as the government have put into prepping for no deal, then I’d be doing this bit about the national audit office scribbled on a beer mat that was found in the bin. 11 out of 12 of the projects that are to replace existing EU border ones won’t be delivered on time for Brexit due to no one delivering any of the other bits on time and no one having a clue what they’re doing ever. The report says Border Force haven’t got enough staff or have any idea how many staff they’ll need, HMRC reckon a quarter of a million traders will have to fill out customs declarations which they’ve not had to do before and it could take ages or they’ll get it wrong, and loads of ports, including Dover will likely become a car park full of lorries. A lorry park maybe. Which if Kent is the garden of England and under Conservative rule, gets tarmacked over, I sort of feel it’s a lovely analogy for neoliberalism overall. The NAO or NAO, if you like Harry Belafonte, have said it’s now too late to prepare borders for a no deal Brexit, which apparently will be a total gift for organized criminals, thanks to the criminally unorganized.

 

Second things, is that a study by the King’s College London suggests that 42% of the British public still believe that the promise that Brexit will give £350m to the NHS, the one that was plastered across a big red bus with all of the grace but none of the truth as ‘Wash me’ written on the back of a dirty van. But there’s been no evidence this will happen, and the extra money the government have pledged to the NHS doesn’t come from Brexit. Similarly, a recent report by the Migration Advisory Committee said EU migrants contribute £4.7bn more to the economy than they take but only 29% of the public believe that. So, what that means is if Brexit goes ahead full throttle they’ll be angry when they realise they’ve been lied to or if it doesn’t then they’ll be angry that the things they believe have been blocked. So that’s our divided kingdom right there and it really does feel like nothing will bring us together except maybe some mad alien invasion where we can all unite to be xenophobic towards them instead. On the plus side, I do look forward to the government being comically chased around parliament square by an angry mob with pitchforks a la Dracula but with more suckers.

 

Oh and thirdly…

 

LIAM FOX JINGLE

 

So this week it’s not something Disgraced MP Liam The Disgrace Fox The Disgrace, aka the guy in all horror movies who selfishly tries to escape for his own good then gets impaled on something or eaten by a dinosaur, it’s not something he’s said this week but something he’s said before. Well several times before, including last October when he said Britain would make a good success out of crashing out of the EU and resorting to World Trade Organisation rules, and he talked about how he would immediately agree 40 free trade deals the minute we left. Remember that? The man who couldn’t even get more than one expert on trade on his own governmental board of trade? Mr I’ve got loads of friends but they all live across town and go to another school. Well it seems the US, China and Russia are just 3 of 20 countries who will block Britain from agreeing a fast track with the world trade organisation because their trade agreements will all depend on how EU quotas are split once we go. It’s almost as if Liam, the International Trade Secretary, didn’t understand how international trade worked. Still, there you go Liam. I expect we’ll get an ‘I’m wrong, sorry’ and maybe a resignation from him as an apology any day now. Any day now…any…day…now. Liam? Liam? If only he did understand international trade and could somehow swap himself for anyone even remotely competent. Or anything more competent. Let’s put a cat in the job. My old cat Claws would bring in heads of dead rats in return for us feeding her. Not that we wanted the rat’s heads but she’d have been better in Fox’s job. Or at least would’ve tried to attack his head. So win/win.

 

Who knows, by this time next week, someone else may have pointed out things everyone’s been saying all along, while other things people have been saying are again pointed out as wrong as they have been by other cleverer people for two years. Meanwhile no one will believe any of it. But still, it wouldn’t be Halloween without Project Fear would it?

 

 

INTERVIEW

 

It’s often remarked that horror films provide some sort of social commentary analogy for the world we live in, which is why most horror films now just involve monsters going ‘what’s the fucking point?’ before drinking themselves to death in a graveyard and hoping no one bothers them. Famously Dawn Of The Dead mocked consumerism, or more recently Get Out was a biting critique on racism in the US but now in 2018, how can horror films try to comment on the scariest thing in the world, climate change? Is there a Twilight Zone-esque scenario where scientists try to warn people about a monster that’s obviously there, but companies and government ignore it and keep making monster food that lures in its destruction? And when warned that they have to stop making the monster food they claim that there isn’t a monster so why does it matter and that it’s all political agenda, only for the climax of the film to happen 50 years later when lots of people who believed the warnings but were too young to do anything about them die by being eaten by a monster and everyone realizes their grandparents were shits. I mean, it’s convoluted but I reckon if you got Jeff Goldblum in it, it’d be a box office hit. A few weeks ago the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report stated that the planet had 12 years to make significant changes in carbon emissions or well, to paraphrase, a big monster will eat our children. But in a world where the ocean is so full of plastic most edible fish is now caught already tupperwared, or where government approved fracking in Lancashire has had to stop because of earthquakes that everyone warned them would happen have started happening. In that world, it’s obvious that drastic action is needed on a larger scale, rather than you or me not flushing the loo every time we use it. Which I’ll be honest, I only really do when I’m visiting someone else’s house. So, what does the IPCC report mean, how do we do anything about it and can I call my film Carbon in the Woods?

 

This week I spoke to Graham Thompson at Greenpeace UK, who has been an eco-activist for quite some years and was kind enough to explain to me just how terrible a situation we’re in. Greenpeace as I’m sure many of you know, are an, and I quote, independent global campaigning organization acting to changes attitudes and behavior, to protect the environment and promote peace, which all sounds right up my street with its terrible air quality. Climate change is something that scares me on a day to day basis, not least because seeing conkers arrives about two months ago but still seeing flowers around now is confusing me and I can’t cope with going outside in sunglasses and a rain jacket at the same time, let alone consider what it’ll be like for my daughter to have to spend her 30’s living underwater. It is, as far as I’m concerned, the biggest problem, what with us all having to live on Earth for the foreseeable future and whenever I hear someone complain that ‘oh windfarms look ugly, I think yeah but you know what looks worse? The end of the world. Stop it’. So talking to Graham was both interesting, useful and still, at times, terrifying, perfect for the Halloween edition. We spoke for quite a long time so I’m going to release an extra 15 minutes later in the week where Graham talks about some of the non-violent direct action he’s taken as an activist both with Greenpeace and before, as well as some fascinating facts about car pollution so do check that out too, but first, here’s this episode’s part of the interview. Here is Graham:

 

INTERVIEW WITH GRAHAM PART 1

 

And we’ll be back with Graham in a minute but first…

 

BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET SONG

 

Usually I get an expert in to talk about the budget. Last time it was Dr Mary Ann Stephenson from the Women’s Budget Group, before that I’ve had guests from the New Economics Foundation or Positive Money. You know, people who know what it’s all about. This year, I’m doing it myself. Why Tiernan you ask? Well I’ll tell you impatient one. When will you tell me? Now, as soon as you stop interrupting. Ok I’ll stop interrupt…. STOP IT! Ahem. You might be thinking that after doing this show for over two years, I’ve gained all the brainy economic skills to do it all by myself? Nopey nope. Is it that I’ve been tipped off by a professional clever type as to what to say? Nah uh wrong again. Is it that you’re secretly Phillip Hammond in a really weird disguise that involves him doing a lot of hair growing and contorting? How dare you! What are you even trying to say about my joke telling skills? It’s none of those things. It is in fact just that this budget was so lame-o that it’s not even worth me going into it all that much. Seriously. Like if you missed this budget and went straight to the next one, you wouldn’t even need a previously on bit to know where you were. It was entirely little bits of money boosts that aren’t enough to actually help anywhere but are just enough that the government can say they’re doing more than they have done since the last time they didn’t do anything. I mean right at the top, Hammy face said wage growth was at its highest in a decade but doesn’t mention that wages are still lower than they were over 10 years ago. There was a point where tired Phil said that every chancellor likes to have a rabbit in his hat as he approaches the budget. Which could be some weird private school thing, true, but actually it seemed more like Damon Lindelof scripting work where it was Hammond’s reveal that all of this very, very long, very dull, very, very, very long and even longer than that budget, was basically a shitty trick that loads of others do every year and it’s not getting any more impressive. And it makes a lot of rabbits sad. So ignoring the fact that depending on the outcome of the Brexit negotiations every single thing he said may no longer be canon and will just end up in the pile of deleted scenes that are definitely deleted for a reason, here’s a few things to take note of:

 

The Office of Budget Responsibility have upgraded their growth forecast from 1.3% last year to 1.6% instead for this year. But it was originally 2% and then Brexit happened. So it’s a lot like saying, everyone predicted you would live originally, then they said you would die, and now it turns out, good news, they’re going to keep your left foot cryogenically alive for 50 years, but only your foot and tourists will be able to look at it and point and say urgh, a foot. That’s exactly what it’s like. Exactly. See? Who needs clever budget understanding interviewees. Me. I do. Still me.

 

Despite all Phil’s fancy chat that borrowing would be less than projected, it’s still pretty much exactly what it’s been every year for ages and at the moment still means they can’t balance the books till 2028/9, unless they cut spending again real soon. That’s a tad different to when old invaders from mars George Osborne said in 2013 that they’d have a surplus by 2020. Sur minus more like, AMIRIGHT?

 

Personal tax allowance is going up to £12500 which doesn’t help that budget surplus at all and basically says to people, we know you’re still earning shit wages and won’t change that. An extra £2bn is going to mental health but that’s coming out of the extra NHS £20.5bn that was already announced, so it isn’t new money, nor is that NHS money entirely explained especially as they’re now giving more tax cuts. £2bn is also only half of what’s needed to run mental health services efficiently so it is helpful, in the way that if you’re chronically dehydrated, having water flicked at your face is probably better than nothing but it’s no glass of water. And it’s annoying, stop it. Schools are getting a one off £400m bonus which ignores you know, that kids keep happening and going to school it’s not just a limited edition thing and that funding per pupil has been cut by 8% since 2010, and £400m is only a 3% rise so they’re still 5% down and that’s only for a one off. Bloody kids, just always happening like that. So selfish. Especially when you consider that potholes get £420m. Basically holes in roads are more important than your children, despite kids causing just as much damage to your car if you hit one.

 

There’s an extra £500m for Brexit preparations which will buy some snacks for all those lorry drivers that will be sitting still for 2-3 years on the M2 and of course a commemorative Brexit 50p coin made from nickel and copper, two things we have to import. So you never know, they may actually become more valuable than 50p one day, and buy that I mean if you have a wheelbarrow of them in 2022 you might be able to buy a potato.

 

Look I’m not going to be too grumpy, there are some good things in there like business rates relief on public loos, which yes, he made all those jokes already and did them so badly I’m just going to skim over that and there’s aa new tax on non-recyclable plastic packaging because as the last whale is choking on a 12ft ball of straws, they’ll be able to think ‘ah, at least the money gained from these will go towards someone not wetting themselves in public’. There’s also £2m going to Belfast to help them recover from the 3 day primark fire, which not only helps repair  the damage but also sweetens the DUP real nicey nice, and also should allow Belfast to get about 6000 new primarks. Also Hammond announced the end of PFI schemes which is long overdue, and they’ve been draining public services for many years. That’s a smart move from Philly, although he hasn’t yet said how they’ll re-fund all the services who’ve been spending too much money on their PFI scheme debt and depleting as a result so really it, look just stop flicking that water at me, I’m not some grass on a hot day. Bloody hell.

 

There’s other bits and bobs of good too and all increases in funding for public services are an increase but when played off against the lack of any funding mention for police or that the boast that 3.3m more people are in work since 2010 is partly to do with there being more people and also zero hours jobs, apprenticeships and self employment all counting as employed, then look, I’m just saying we’ve all seen the rabbit trick and it sucks. At least do the one where the card appears in the car door window.

 

Oh and anyway, Brexity Brexit could mean that all of this turned out to be a dream anyway and the time line is reset. Yes it could be that I watched Philip Hammond talk for an hour and all I got was this lousy podcast bit. And that’s why deleted scenes are shit. Fact.

 

 

And now back to Graham…

 

INTERVIEW PART 2

 

Thank you to Graham for that. You can of course find Greenpeace at greenpeace.org.uk or if you live elsewhere in the world, then you can find your local Greenpeace site near you too. They are of course on Twitter @greenpeaceuk or the global one is @greenpeace and they’re on Facebook and all that too, and you can find out about all their current campaigns and how to help on there. All the other recommendations Graham suggested will be up on the website soonish and as I mentioned earlier, I’m going to post an extra 15 mins of chat I had with him about some of the direct non-violent action he’s done both with Greenpeace and a solo activist as it’s interesting stuff, and that will go out later in the week if you fancy a listen. Of course, as Graham mentioned there are Friends Of The Earth as well as other local environmental campaigns that may deal with issues nearer to you such as fracking, extra runways or you know, Cthulu. Actually I’m sure Cthulu would be against pollution. If anything I get the sad feeling that he’d try to rise up from out of the ocean only to inhale a ton of plastic straws and choke before the surface. Urgh so sad.

 

Who would you like me to talk to? What subjects have I not covered on this show? What is that shadow that looks like a person behind you that you thought you saw in the corner of your eye? Oh no wait it’s gone. Hmm that was weird. Anyway, please send all recommendations of interviewees to @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page on partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk. Or why not chant your suggestion alongside some ancient incantations and summon a demon to deliver them to me, in replacement for a shard of soul and your first born, only for it all to go wrong when you sneeze and knock the salt pentagram off kilter and the demon eats your face instead and I then don’t have a podcast guest because you’re a selfish. It’s probably easier just to email.

 

 

END

 

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. Thank you for lending your Halloween pointy, mangled, furry or scaly ears to this show and next week I promise I’ll have cleared out the cobwebs, fought off the giant spiders who insisted on making them and everything will be back to normal service. Please don’t forget to donate to this show, either to the Patreon or ko-fi accounts or maybe just send over your first born for sacrifice to the Old Ones for they shall break through again! Ahem, sorry this cold is really weird. Why not give the review a show on your favourite pod traps, or recommend it to a fiend.

 

Thank you to Acast for clawing this show into it’s audio underworld alive amongst its other wailing denizens, and thank you to my brother The Last Skeptik for making all the sounds before terror could take them. Special thanks this week to wonderfully funny comedian Bec Hill for her top climate change monster film idea. Do follow her on Twitter @bechillcomedian.

 

Oh and thanks to my special guest, creeping laughing girl that keeps staring at me through the window despite us being one floor up. Thanks creepy girl!

 

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This will be back next week when Phillip Hammond will u-turn on his Brexit 50p announcement and say that due to funding issues it will now be one of those 1p coins that you squish on a roller and imprint it with the words ‘Brexit means Brexit’ and cost you £2 for the privilege, which will go towards some toilets.

 

FAREWELL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

This week’s show was brought to you by Philip Hammond’s Really Draining blood donation service. Are you in need of a blood donor? Call us at Really Draining and we’ll give you 1-2 drops of the blood you need and then piss off while doctors scream at us that you need at least several pints. But hey, it’s better than nothing or minus blood right? Philip Hammond’s Really Draining blood donation service, where every type is Oh.

 

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