Episode 47

Released on Tuesday, February 14th, 2017.

Episode 47

Episode 47 is a special sexy Valentine’s day edition full of political love letters, sexy jingles, Trump, Brexit and Tiernan chats to Leslie Hallam, director of the psychology of advertising course at Lancaster University about the effect of psychometrics on politics.

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Further Reading


Transcript

Ep47

Hello and welcome to Partly Political Broadcast episode 47. SPECIAL VALENTINE’S DAY SEXY EDITION. Ahem sorry. I mean special valentine’s day sexy edition. I’m Tiernan Douieb and let me tell you love is definitely in the air in my home this week. Or it could just be the high air pollution levels in London. Either way I feel delightfully light-headed and slightly sick. And this past week, if music is the food of love, then politics is definitely what love shits out after it’s eaten. So join me on the political love boat that’s constantly off course, u-turns far too often and then steers off to the right.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

MPs decided they love the Brexit Bill just the way it is and voted to make sure it never changes 326 to 293 meaning that all they’ll get now before we leave the EU to make a mess all by ourselves, will be some sort of vote on the final, final deal. By that it could be that the choice is take it – ooh sexy valentines – or leave it, which might be best if you don’t know where it’s been or agree with what it contains. MPs also blocked the bid to protect EU citizens in the UK permanent residency after the UK. Presumably it’s because we now have so little useful exports for global trade that we’re having to send other people our useful hard working EU citizens. It’s now over to the Lords to see who loves EU the most.

I LOVE EUuuuuuuu

Meanwhile the Conservatives decided to play hard to get when it comes to homes for refugee children, deciding to close the child refugees scheme early because there’s nothing that shows real love on Valentine’s like rejecting a lot of children in need. Taking in just 350 minors instead of 3000, Home Secretary and Chief Foreign Hater Amber Rudd said it was because they didn’t want to incentivise child refugees to come to the UK. Sure. And maybe we should not bother to try and cure the Zika virus incase it incentivises people to get it?

ZIKAaaaaaaaa

Health Secretary and haunted runner bean Jeremy Hunt continues to stop Doctors and Nurses from being a sexy game to one where both players just cry about how their workplace is underfunded. Hunt said that the NHS’s performance is unacceptable which is quite harsh from a man who’s always disappointingly trying to fuck the health service. According to LEAKED DATA A&E waiting times are at record high, which is adversely less helpful for hospitals even if they have lots of patients. GEDDIT? PUNS PUNS PUNS. Meanwhile foreign patients will have to pay up front to be seen to – OOOH – for non urgent cases.

Meanwhile across the pond in America, US President and Annoying Orange Donald Trump had a little rendezvous with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and praised his strong hands. That’s love right there. We’re probably only days away from comments on his deep eyes and raging boner. Then DJT – which is also, y’know, as it’s Valentines an acronym for designated jizz towel – took Shinzo Abe to a Trump branded golf course because there’s nothing more romantic than mixing official government business with your own business that you shouldn’t have anything to do with anymore, and pleasure.

Oh & as it’s a Valentine’s special, I’ve just received some love letters. So here’s the first one:

ROMEO AND JULIET SOUNDS

This is from silver vole David Davis who wants to send a message to Diane. He said he’s sorry he said he’d have to be blind to hug you as it wasn’t obvious that he isn’t blind considering he hasn’t noticed that he’s driving the UK off a massive cliff edge. And anyway love is blind, so maybe you and he are at the beginning of something beautiful and by something beautiful I think he means getting fired from his job for inappropriate comments. More love letters later.

LETS HAVE A MASS POLITICAL DEBATE!

Sorry about that. But thanks for listening to this week’s SPECIAL VALENTINE’S DAY SEXY EDITION of Partly Political Broadcast Podcast. Listening numbers for this show keep going up which is so exciting and if you are new to this show I promise not all episodes are this damn sexy so do listen back to older episodes for completely chaste political ramblings. Also if you are new and have missed all my awful jingles asking you to review the show on iTunes then consider yourselves spared the horror and if you could please spend 1 minute giving a star rating or even a few words on iTunes as it does help encourage others to tune in. Similarly if you haven’t already donated to the Patreon and would like to contribute towards this happening then do head to patreon.com/parpolbro. Big big thanks to Naomi and Mark who donated this week. I’m working on a few bonus things for donators including bits of stand-up and extra podcast bits. If any of you want to donate six billion dollars an episode then I’ll do the special bonus of stopping the podcast and going to live somewhere warmer with your donation funds because the snow this week has been proper balls. Though of course property in London is so stupidly expensive even the snow can’t settle here, so at least there’s that.

Oh and again apologies for the terrible editing about 44 minutes into the last episode. I would love to go all bad workman and blame my tools but it’s entirely my fault. I tend to sit all quiet and listen back to the whole show to check I’ve edited it properly but then I get distracted by, well pretty much anything. A fly, Twitter, the endless possibilities of the cosmos, just wondering if I’d be good at being a spy, what name I’d give to a pet tiger. You know, the usual. So, this week’s show should have no errors in. But it’ll probably have sim…FUCK…But it’ll pribibly have some. Ah balls. I’ll redo that. But it’ll…

PSYCHE! That was a joke one. Anyway, if you donate the patreon I can spend more time on this show and less time apologising for making it shit.

Some quick plugs this week before we crack on with the show. Firstly if you remember a few eps back I plugged the new online Netflix style site for comedy shows Next Up Comedy? Well they’ve added my 2014 show on there now as well as my last one, so if you fancy watching those plus lots of great shows by other funnier people do head to nextupcomedy.com and I believe the first month is free, then it’s £3.50 a month after that. Also thanks to the small but perfectly formed bunch who came to my Leicester comedy show last week. If you didn’t make it, you dodged a half written bullet as there’s a ton of work to do but nice to know a few bits made sense. My second attempt is at Angel Comedy at the Bill Murray pub on February 22nd in Islington. It is FREE so if you are around at 7pm and fancy hearing me spout half formed ideas, please come along.

So this week, there’s a look at what the whole Article 50 vote means, yet more bloody Trump stuff and I chat with Leslie Hallam a teaching fellow from Lancaster University about how political campaigns are targeting us through social media. So after you’ve listened to that, don’t forget to like and join the parpolbro facebook group and the parpolbro twitter account so they all know just how goddamn influential this show is. Oh and I’ve done something different on this podcast but more on that at the end of the show. Just keep your ears finely tuned ok?

HEADLINES:

DUBS AMENDMENT

When the Lord Dubs Amendment – which yes, as I always say, sounds like some sort of amazing grime album – when it was passed last year it was presumed that it’d mean the government would let 3000 unaccompanied child refugees into the UK. But as revealed by the man that proves nominative determinism isn’t a thing, immigration minister Robert Goodwill, the scheme is going to be closed after only 350 children have arrived. That’s not even a misplaced decimal point of a mistake is it? Aside from bringing in a nationwide policy to actively take candy from babies, willingly not helping children who are at risk of abuse from traffickers or homelessness is pretty much the very worst thing you can promise to do then not do. Now the figure of 3000 wasn’t actually included in the amendment to the immigration act, but back when he was Prime Minister with his face like an upset balloon David Cameron said they’d take 3000 in several times on record. Now of course, we’ve all realised that the only thing Dave could commit to seeing through was tax avoidance and resigning. The government have also ended an arrangements to bring over unaccompanied refugee children with family in UK because why not go full on evil? Hey, they may as well use the money they’ve saved to commission an army of flying monkeys. Home Secretary Amber Rudd said that overall the UK have taken in 8000 refugee children via other schemes, and so why bother with more eh? Rudd reckons the scheme incentivised children to make dangerous journeys across Europe to come to the UK, because I’m sure as they’re all escaping a war torn country and dealing with the loss of their parents or trying to find them, they were all googling British immigration schemes and thinking ‘oh that looks alright, why not have a go?’
Conservative MP Heidi Allen and MPs across all parties have secured a debate in the commons on 23rd February about it, and the excellent charity Help Refugees and Citizens UK have taken a case to the high court about it so there’s a chance it’ll be overturned. Of course by then all those kids may have lost the incentive to bother as they’ll clearly have been distracted by something on youtube, some sweets or you know, the destruction of their homeland. Kids eh? What are they like?

PARKS

In further ‘the government hates kids’ news, budget cuts of up to 97% in some areas mean that a lot of public parks could end up less Parks and Rec and more parks and wrecked. No I’m not sorry. The cuts could mean shorter opening hours, playgrounds being removed and public toilets being shut, as well as less staff to prevent litter, rats or vandalism. As you know, parks are important places for people to not feel like they’re trapped in a concrete wasteland, spread hayfever, give teenagers a place to loiter in without intent, a great place to point and laugh at idiots falling off skateboards and for ducks to hold their AGMs, but despite their importance in a community, local councils have no statutory duty to maintain them. With so many other cuts to local councils and so many other areas they need to provide for on a lesser budget, a report by the Commons Community and Local Government Committee said the government have to help councils find innovative ways of managing them and I’ve got an idea for them. Why not move all council offices to the park? In the summer they can sit outside, in the winter, use the weird café that still sells crisps everywhere else stopped selling in the 80’s? Failing that, they could just spend a day picking up all the litter and dog shit from their local park and post it all to the House Of Commons until they start funding local councils properly again. Well they’ll have to do something because otherwise England’s urban green areas will be less Blur’s Parklife and more tracks 2,3,4,5,6, 8,9,10,11 and 12 on their shittiest album Leisure.

NHS

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has said that there is no excuse for some of the problems the NHS is currently having to deal with. He then followed it up with tons of excuses as to why the government haven’t done anything about it entirely disproving his point. A&E waiting times are at their lowest since the four hour target was introduced in 2004, there’s huge bed shortages and more and more cancelled operations and appointments. Why? Prime Minister Theresa May reckons her government have put record funding into the NHS, but failed to point out it must be the record for smallest amount ever spent and its currently at an annual rate of 1.1% which is the lowest since 1955. It’s also partly to do with a population that’s living longer though if our health service standards drop any lower it should fix that problem fairly quickly.

It’ll all be ok though as Jeremy Hunt popped over to the US last week to speak at the Patient Safety Movement 5th annual summit where I’m fairly sure that aside from schmoozing with some very big private health companies, he gave a speech about how the best way to achieve patient safety is to not hire him as a health secretary. Meanwhile as of April hospitals in England will have to charge overseas patients up front for any non-urgent care. Because the best way to help reduce those overlong waiting times is to get doctors to have to faff through patients proof of ID then bust out the chip and pin before they can pop out your cataract.

And lastly, Surrey council was planning a poll to ask its residents if they’d accept a 15% council tax rise to pay for local social care. But they unexpectedly dropped the poll. Labour leader and Quentin Blake drawing Jeremy Corbyn confronted Theresa May at Prime Minister’s questions with a series of leaked texts to Nick Forbes the Labour leader of Newcastle council, from the Surrey council leader David Hodge where he discussed a ‘memorandum of understanding’ between them and the government, wanting to kill it off and all in all seemed to be accepting a sweetheart deal to pull the poll. Either that or he’s really, really formal about terrible one night stands. The referendum was going to be used by many social care organisations to raise awareness on a lack of funding. It looks like social care in England will be lacking £2.6bn that it needs by 2020. And while getting Surrey to provide social care for social care was unlikely it really would’ve helped point out how in need the sector is. Its been suggested that Hodge was told Surrey could be some sort of pilot scheme, being allowed to keep all its business rates from 2018. Theresa May’s cureent policy is to let all councils do this from 2020, and stop all central government grants as a result. Except certain councils get very little from their business rates so would be in even more trouble than they are already so it’s a plan that only favours Tory councils. So now no referendum to raise awareness and a possible deal that’ll especially ruin parts of Northern England. I have no idea how Nick Forbes didn’t just send back tons of smiling poo emojis to send Surrey council into a panic.

INTERVIEW PART 1

If you were to study my mostly underused Facebook page to work out how to advertise things to me, you’d come up with a profile of someone who only likes things because a shitty competition says I have to, or other comedians because it’s not like audiences will ever be bothered to do that for us. Which is probably why as I look at it now I have an advert for a seminar on how to use social media properly. Fair play Facebook, fair play. But if you spend 5 minutes googling Cambridge Analytica you’ll find a number of recent articles about a British company who say they helped Donald Trump win the election by analysing data on the American electorate. By looking at their likes, their information and how many times they swore when they checked an ex’s profile and saw they were having a better life than they are…ok, not that last one…but they profiled voters into groups and targeted campaigns at them that focussed on their concerns. How much did it work? Hard to say and not because it’s a complicated or unusual word. But Cambridge Analytica worked for Trump, and the Leave EU group in the Brexit campaign and so so far they’ve not picked a losing side. Or rather they may have stopped them from being losing sides.

So how important are psychometrics? That’s what it’s called even though it sounds like the name for how a serial killer might measure things. ‘Well that’s 4 severed toes long’. Sorry. Not sorry. But yes, are psychometrics important? Do they definitely work? And will I end up changing my voting habits if UKIP post adverts on my wall about how voting for them will stop a duck from watching me somehow, somewhere because I thought it’d be funny to like a page on anatidaephobia?

This week I spoke to Leslie Hallam, program director of the psychology of advertising course at Lancaster University who also advises politicians and otherwise on advertising and brand development. And considering how quickly I found him when searching for experts on this subject, he obviously knows how to promote himself well so I thought he’d be the right man to talk to.

Here’s Leslie:

We’ll be back with Leslie in a minute, but first, I’ve got another Love Letter here for this SPECIAL VALENTINES DAY SEXY EDITION. So let me read it out. This is from Theresa M, and she wants Will, of the people to know that she will do absolutely anything for him no matter what her friends, family or all the other people think. She says she’d ruin an entire nation for you and she hopes to plan the rest of her life with you only she doesn’t have a clue what that plan is yet. Aww you guys! That made me retch in my own mouth a bit.

BREXIT FALLOUT

If you’re in the unfortunate position of being in a difficult relationship this valentine’s just think about how no matter the extent you argue and bicker with your partner, you still get along 6000 times better than Labour, a party with more divisions than the football league. 52 Labour MPs defied Corbyn’s whip last week which sounds a lot like some sort of lion tamer circus trick, but is actually far more a bunch of clowns tripping each other up. These 19 voted against passing article 50 as it is despite Jezza’s calls to vote for it and Clive Lewis resigned from the Shadow Cabinet. Lewis said he voted against Article 50 as he thought it’d harm his constituency of Norwich South. His resignation now means that Corbyn’s front bench has had more people prematurely leave their seats than the Take That musical. But Corbyn’s whip was a zero sum game if the game was one where no one could ever win anything and everyone loses. Like Operation but you’re all wearing boxing gloves. 94% of Labour MPs campaigned for Remain but two thirds of Labour’s constituencies voted leave. So really the only way for Corbyn to please all sides would’ve been for him travel back in time and the past version of himself and Labour to do a much better job in early 2015. Or suddenly keel over and die. The stoke on trent election is next week and that was a largely leave area with a very remain Labour MP, Tristram Hunt. So for Labour to keep that seat they have to play to what Stoke citizens want. Though Brexit may cause them to lose £157m of EU funding so maybe they haven’t really thought through what they want, or perhaps there’s a growing nihilism trend in Stoke and they all just want an MP who’s going to do absolutely nothing in which case Paul Nuttall is definitely in with a chance.

Overall 494 MPs voted to pass Article 50 without any amendments against 122, meaning that there was a no to second referendum, a no to giving security to EU citizens resident in the UK, a no to giving a shit about what Gibraltar think, and a no to treating the European Nuclear Research Agency as a separate issue which is pointless because we’re already having a total nationwide meltdown. So now it’s up to the Lords to decide whether or not they like the idea of charging forward without knowing if it’s a wall or several walls or a wall with big spikes on it in front of us. The government have threatened the Lords that they have to do their patriotic duty, which really, just means they have to turn up, which really, in regards to many of the lords, they probably won’t do. But to say that to vote through the Article 50 bill is patriotic duty is nuts as is threats that if they don’t the House Of Lords might be abolished. I mean part of me thinks they should block it, then get abolished and 2017 will turn out to be a pretty sweet year for democracy.

After the article 50 vote Jeremy Corbyn tweeted ‘the real fight starts now’ and received a lot of mocking because lets face it, it sounds a lot like the sort of quote a computer game end level boss would say before you defeat him by jumping over him while he’s too busy signing apples. But in a way, the Article 50 Bill was so vague, that the real work on amendments and shaping Brexit does come now, especially when the Great Repeal Bill is debated and MPs need to vote on which European laws we keep and turn into UK ones and which ones we don’t and how we stop Theresa May scrapping them all and just making everyone work in chain gangs making her weird tartan suits or be killed.

Scotland voted against triggering Brexit in Scottish parliament but were they to become independent, the EU say they’ll have to get to the back of the queue to rejoin and probably take the Euro. Which would be a problem as everytime someone says Euro in a Scottish accent it sounds like the sentence will end with an insult and it could cause mass violence. So unless they go for that route and seek another independence referendum they could be stuck with whatever shitty deal the rest of the UK get, whatever that will be. May says MPs will get a vote on the final deal but that could be just a vote on whether to accept any old deal or not which isn’t really a choice. Especially when not accepting whatever May’s deal is would mean leaving the EU and taking World Trade Organisation terms which would mess up our borders, mean hella bad times for Northern Ireland and the Republic with their border and more bad tariffs than Talk Talk.

European Commisioner Jean Claude Juncker has warned the UK not to try and play different EU countries against each other for trade deals because he’s obviously seen Mean Girls and is wise to that sly game and ain’t no plastic. So we’re moving forwards with Brexit, if moving forwards is the correct term which it definitely isn’t. It’s so odd how until 2015 it was thought that left wing was progressive and right wing was for staying the same. Now in 2017 left wingers want to keep things as they are, and right wingers want to move things. Just not forward. More sort of arse over tit backwards. We’ll all look back at this in 2050 when Scotland is an independent country and part of the EU, delivering aid to the UK who only have a trade route with Papa New Guinea, and we’ll all laugh. And also cry. Well just mostly cry.

And now back to Leslie….

INTERVIEW PART 2

Thanks to Leslie for that fascinating chat. I will use the phrase ‘the Devil always does have the best shoes’ as often as possible from now on. You can find Leslie on Twitter at lesliexhallam though he told me he really doesn’t use it much, and he’s a freelance consulant at Tangent Partnership who do qualitative research. Also if you are a student interested in this sort of thing the course he teaches and programs is at Lancaster University.

As always, if you have someone you’d like me to interview or a subject you’d like me to find someone to interview about drop me a line @parpolbro on Twitter, parpolbro group on Facebook or partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Last week I had a mix of people saying how great the guest was and how awful. Well if you didn’t like them, tell me who I should be getting on the show. Otherwise you’re like one of those people who doesn’t vote then complains about how the government are awful. And there’s already one Russell Brand.

TRUMP

Here’s another love letter and this was sent in via Twitter from Donald and there’s a few here. This first one is to his daughter which is really sweet and, it’s all in capitals but I won’t shout it, it just says…oh no I’m not reading that. That’s disgusting.

As always there is simply to much to discuss with the past week’s Trumpings so here’s a quick run through first and I’ll look at two particularly bad Trumps after. Ok so first up Trump has backed down from challenging the Muslim ban block in the Supreme Court, even after he tweeted ‘see you in court’, though maybe he was just expressing where could observe the judges on a day to day basis. The fact he’s not challenging the block is great, but it looks instead like he’ll just sign another executive order to push through pretty much the same thing. Sad. I envision him doing 200 of these until federal judges end up blocking him using certain words and he has to speak in even more broken sentences than he does now like some sort of weird carrot hulk. Second up, Trump has agreed to support the one china policy which isn’t about everyone in the states having just a singular great bowl, but it means he’s working with China and not approaching Taiwan as it’s own country, despite his phone call to them a few months back. Chinese President Xi Jinping said they had an extremely cordial phone conversation – orange cordial I bet, eh eh? – and that the two countries are capapble of becoming good cooperative partners. Though first step is probably for Trump to stop pronouncing it ‘gina. Third up, Trump has signed three executive orders to combat crime that looked mostly the same as ones Obama has already done and say things like the US has opposition to certain international criminal cartels. Which you’d hope it did. Though I’m sure there’s a clause exempting Russian ones. Forth up, a leaked draft suggests Big D-Rump will suspend a 2010 rule that prevented US companies from funding conflict and human rights abuses in the Democratic Republic of Congo by purchasing conflict minerals. No, those aren’t ones that make your gut funny, those are ones often used in computer chips that are mined in the DRC in mines controlled by militias. This won’t be surprising if he does it, not just because a leak said he would but also because Donald probably has no idea that the DRC is a place, let alone what goes on there and as far as he’s concerned it’ll be more business for the US. Fifth up, apparently Trump gave alternative Blob Fish Steve Bannon a senior security post by accident. I mean sure, we all have accidents. Just the other day I replied all to an email I’d been bcc’d into without realising but I’ve never been say, mid way through a text and then accidentally promoted a white supremacist to the USA’s principal forum on national security and foreign policy. If you’re having accidents that bad, maybe you shouldn’t leave the house. Sixth up, it turns out depraved prune Rupert Murdoch was present at the interview between withered schoolboy Michael Gove and Trump. Not a big surprise given that Murdoch overlooks every awful thing like some sort of omnipresent Lord of Immorality, but Trump’s daughter Ivanka also sat on the board of Murdoch’s daughter’s trust fund. And now you start to see why Trump only took questions from two US journalists on his conference in Japan, from the New York Post and Fox Business both owned by Murdoch. Fox Business genuinely sounds like vixon poop. But with Murdoch on side, Trump’s fake news will be getting a lot more good press than it should. Seven up, is a tasty drink, yum! And eight up Betsy Devos is now secretary of education despite her complete lack of experience in that field or it seems by the recent department of education misspelled tweets that she doesn’t have much of one herself. It does seem however that despite all this and her plans to segregate schools so poor kids really suffer, that she did donate over $900k to various members of the senate than ended up confirming her so she obviously paid attention in school when it came to learning how important big numbers are. Oh and nine up, Trump met Canadian President Justin Trudeau and all the pictures make it look a lot like when the Beast from Beauty and the Beast looks in the mirror but can see his reflection as the charming prince.

Ok so particularly bad Trump thing one. The personal business stuff. Last week the retailer Nordstrom stopped stocking Ivanka Trump’s shoe brand, probably designed especially to stop into security meetings you shouldn’t be at. Nordstrom said the decision was poor sales, not political reasons as their sales dropped 70 per cent just before the US election. But Trump still took to twitter to complain about them and then RT’d it from the POTUS account potentially violating White House ethics rules. Then Trump counsillor and stunt double for Zelda from the Terrahawks Kellyanne Conway told people live on Fox News to go out and buy Ivanka’s stuff. Which is definitely definitely a violation of ethics as it shows Trump really isn’t distancing himself from his own or his family’s own businesses. While the White House said Conway has been counselled for the error they haven’t learned anything from the incident as Trump spent the end of last week at his own Mar-a-Lago golf club where his business profited from the visit.

And this also leads us to bad Trump thing number two. North Korea launched a missile last week as one tiny dicked tator wanted to scare the other. However according to a MaraLago club member’s facebook posts, President Trump responded to it from within the country club posing questions of security. Not only that but the member took pictures of the soldier who holds the American football with the nuclear codes in and several members met and talked with Steve Bannon. Now I’m not saying a golf club isn’t a safe place to speak about national security matters but it definitely is and has completely the wrong sort of bunkers for those sorts of issues. Trump’s national security advisor Michael Flynn is currently under fire for discussing sanctions with a Russian ambassador just weeks before Trump’s inauguration and you can now see recent reports say the National Security Agency are apparently withholding intelligence from the White House because it’s not safe. They say the Kremlin has ears inside the White House which is quite macabre and I really hope they’re still attached to people.

So the US has a president who’s own security agency won’t give intelligence to as they believe it’ll end up leaked to Russia and who is using his presidency to boost his own businesses. Well I suppose America is meant to be the land of opportunity and they never did specify who’s….

Partly Big Question

The question returns! This week I asked you what chat up line or love poem would you send to which politicians? And oh you bunch of romantics had many a reply.

‪@al_vimh ‬‬‬‪Feb 12‬‬‬
‪More‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ To Trump. “Hey, did you fall from Heaven? Because it looked like you fell several thousand miles and landed on your face.”‬‬‬‬

‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Jeremy Hunt, how do I live thee, let me count the ways, done.‬‬‬‬

‪@TheWarLlama ‬‬‬‪Feb 12‬‬‬
‪More‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ To Theresa May:‬‬‬‬

Roses are red‬
Violets are blue‬
This poem doesn’t work‬
And neither does your government‬
Please call a general election‬

‏‪@EthanDLawrence‬ ‬‬‬Feb 12
More
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ To David C‬‬‬‬

Roses are red, ‬
Films are Talky,‬
I’ll let you tup me,‬
Even though I’m not porky. ‬

‏‪@Daniel_Woodrow‬ ‬‬‬Feb 12
More
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ J Hunt:‬‬‬‬
Pls don’t break my heart‬
For my hospital has no beds‬
The only way I would survive‬
Is to be heartless like you instead‬

‪@johnbeck_ ‬‬‬‪Feb 12‬‬‬
‪More‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ ‬‬‬‬
Corbyn is red ‬
Theresa is blue ‬
Quite sure now, I’d vote‬
for neither of you‬

‪Rebecca Zaidee Gamble /react-text ‬‬‬‪react-text: 204 /react-text did it hurt when you fell from heaven, or did the inner black hole where your humanity should be cushion the blow?‬‬‬‬

you must be a thief ’cause you stole my heart noit my actual heart, the one i’ve been waiting for on the nhs

‪Paul Jenkins /react-text ‬‬‬‪react-text: 117 /react-text Oh Donald, my love, ‬‬‬‬
‪When I held your hand, ‬‬‬‬
‪When I kept my silence, ‬‬‬‬
‪For your order so grand, ‬‬‬‬
‪When I asked you over, ‬‬‬‬
‪To ours for a date, ‬‬‬‬
‪And the papers all said, ‬‬‬‬
‪That we’re now bezzie mates, ‬‬‬‬
‪Oh Donald, my darling, ‬‬‬‬
‪Let’s do some trade, ‬‬‬‬
‪An Anglo-American, ‬‬‬‬
‪Love parade, ‬‬‬‬
‪Your ethics can hang, ‬‬‬‬
‪On the doorknob all night, ‬‬‬‬
‪And the room will be filled, ‬‬‬‬
‪With a nuclear light,‬‬‬‬
‪A ménage a trois,‬‬‬‬
‪With your Russian friend, ‬‬‬‬
‪May our special relationship,‬‬‬‬
‪Never end…‬‬‬‬

Thanks Paul for that excellent proper poem. I’ve written one too, so here you go. Ahem:

Labour are red, Tories are blue, Lib Dems are yellow which suited them during the coalition years, Green are Green, UKIP are purple which is a mix of colours even though they hate that

And time for one last love letter. This is from David Hodge to Nick and it just says hey sweetheart just let me know how to stop care. Let me know what’s acceptable. Surrey. No idea what that’s about or why he’s apologizing but I hope that means something to you Nick.

END

And that’s all for this week’s SPECIAL VALENTINE’S DAY SEXY EDITION of the Partly Political Broadcast. Next week the show will be back to it’s usual completely devoid of love self. However if you want to show PPB some love before then please do give us a review on iTunes, throw me some change at patreon.com/parpolbro or just drop me a line @parpolbro on Twitter, parpolbro on Facebook or partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Thanks to my other half @proresting for providing some sexy romantic vocals.

Oh and did you notice the different thing? This week’s show was at a lower bitrate. Oooh. Yeah only 128 thingymajigs instead of 256 thingymibobs. Make any difference? Have you heard anything I’ve said all show? Should I just do it at 1kbps next week and make it an hour of a low humming noise? Let me know and I’ll reverse hear you all, next week.

This week’s show was brought to you by the number 2 and a big letter oh. Because oxygen is so goddamn sexy.

SEXY SEXY OXYGEN

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