Episode 23

Released on Tuesday, July 5th, 2016.

Episode 23

Episode 23 – The best way to sum up the last week of British politics would be OMFGWTFBBQ but instead this week’s episode is about both parties leadership issues, things you may have missed, a new jingle and Tiernan chats to Asher Dresner (@asherdresner) about robots taking all your jobs. Check out his website at www.asherdresner.com

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Further Reading


Transcript

INTRO SKETCH – GOVE MASH UP

INTRO

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, a podcast that is slowly becoming less and less relevant as British politics has decided to parody itself to the extent where I wonder if we’re the alternate bizarro universe of a far more sensible place where they imagine us for their nightmares & Ben Stiller films. I’m Tiernan Douieb and I’m wondering if I should announce a decision to run as leader for all major political parties on account of not really having a fucking clue about anything and nearly all my emotions have been wiped out from endless watching the repetitive horrors of recent political news and so therefore I think I’m perfectly qualified and numb for the jobs.

As I started working on this week’s episode Nigel Farage, with his face like a squid carcass stuffed full of plastic testicles, has resigned as the leader of UKIP. There is every possibility that by the time you hear this, he will have retracted his resignation as we all know Farage has even less conviction than Shaun Ryder when he was asked to write a new Euro 2016 anthem for the England football team. ‘What spend all that time so it only gets two weeks of airplay?’

Up until the EU referendum Nigel Farage was one of the most successfully unsuccessful UK politicians ever, have failed to get elected as an MP 5 times, having one of the worst ever attendance records to European Parliament as an MEP, and selfishly even failing to die after crashing his own plane a few years ago. It’s just been disappointment after disappointment. What he has managed to do though is stir up xenophobia across the UK to the point of, depressingly, acceptance, help force other political parties to have to mention immigration in their policies, help everyone realise that if you say a Seig Heil is someone doing an impression of a pot plant enough then people will believe you, and bang on about a referendum on the UK’s EU membership enough that it happened, we voted to leave and now he’s fucking off to make sure he doesn’t have to deal with it. Thanks Nigel. All I can say is that I really hope whatever job you go for next, with your face like a shaved pug that’s been stretched over a baboon’s arse, I hope that someone from the EU manages to jump in before you and get it first.

Sadly what is more likely to happen, judging by Farage’s recent sightings with Rupert Murdoch and talks with potential Conservative leader Andrea Leadsome, is that he’ll end up in the House Of Lords or re-joining the Tories. Because, you know, he’s anti-establishment and against unelected bureaucrats. And despite him, a commodity trader turned snake oil salesman, telling the European parliament that ‘none of them ever had a proper job in their lives’, he’s still staying in his job as an MEP in order to leach cash of them in EXACTLY THE WAY HE COMPLAINED OTHER EU BUREUCRATS DO! In his resignation speech today he said he wants his life back, you know, after ruining so many other people’s, and that ‘the real me will come out’. Which is terrifying but I’m sure either this will finally be proof of the giant lizard people conspiracy or he will turn out to be a small frog inside the robotised body of a much larger frog.

As for UKIP, what will happen know with only a bunch of racist posters and a motely band of idiots left? Unless of course Nigel is back in about ten minutes time who will lead them? Man ape Paul Nuttal doesn’t look like he’s aware of where he is half the time. Suzanne Evans with her skin pulled so tight it’s like she’s self mummified, she doesn’t seem like it’d be safe to leave her in charge of a plug socket and Douglass Carswell can’t even control his own face. So yeah, it could be any of those three as they’re all perfectly qualified to lead that party. How do they decide a new leader? No idea. I’m guessing it’s just given to the first person to turn up to the interview late and blame immigrants for it.

And I haven’t even got started on Boris Johnson who this week, after helping push the Leave vote, decided not to run as Conservative leader and instead is writing Telegraph columns on the steps the next PM should take to leave the EU. Like taking a shit in someone else’s living room, going home then calling them up and saying ‘you should really clean that up, it’s a terrible mess’.

Anyway, more on British politics’s own Wreck-It-Ralph in a bit. This show is, pretty full of things, thanks to this week being officially known as the We’ve Totally Fucked It Shitstorm Aftermath. There’s an interview with Asher Dresner who explains how as well as racists and thoughtless MPs we now need to be scared of robots as well. Hooray! There’s some thoughts on the new leadership contests, a new jingle and I prove that what Cassetteboy does is a real skill. That I don’t have.

Thanks again for downloading and listening. Or, well, even just downloading. I have no idea if you actually listen but I’m prepared to pretend you do, if you’re prepared to keep downloading. I know I say this every week, but it’s my version of ‘hardworking people’ or ‘fix the roof while the sun is shining’ or whatever Farage’s one was ‘I’m not a racist but’. I think that was it. Anyway, if you haven’t reviewed the show on iTunes please do. Even just the star rating without any words is very helpful and I am that shallow and it would almost satiate my need for instant gratification that I get from stand-up comedy. Almost. And of course if you have any comments or thoughts about the show, do drop me a line on partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. If this mad spell ever finished I’m thinking of doing some one topic specials through the summer on say the NHS or Syria or subjects like that, so if you have anything in particular that you’re interested in, or want to tell me that that’s the worst idea ever, let me know. I’m also very aware that it’s all UK politics at the moment and there has been an election in Australia this week, as well as Spain, Austria may have to redo their presidential one and of course, America and it’s terrifying possibilities as well as all the endless sad news from the Middle East. So I will try to get to some of those things in future episodes too.

And to start this week’s show properly, I thought it’d be nice to step back from the EU referendum fallout or RefAAARRGGGHHHHrendum as I’ve been calling it, and instead look at some of the many many things that have also been happening in politics that have been completely ignored but are also depressing. So here are some:

THINGS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

Last week the UN released a report that said the UK government were in breach of international human rights obligations and it wasn’t just because no one should have to see Michael Gove’s face on television that many times. It’s basically torture. No, it was based on the austerity measures that have been imposed over the last few years, and it’s a pretty big deal as it means the UK is now placed on the same list as countries like North Korea of Syria. You know, all those places idiots on social media often tell you to go if you ‘don’t like democracy’. Well lucky we saved our airfare eh idiot, as we can now just stay here for the same experience. The report states that the UN is deeply concerned about the cuts and changes to social benefits and the effect that’s having on disadvantaged and marginalised individuals and groups. You know, the ones the government has been referring to as ‘shirkers’ for years. It goes on to say that the UK government are failing to meet their obligation to mobilize the maximum available resources for the implementation of economic, social and cultural rights’ which is a long way of saying ‘you’ve been total shits and cocked everything up.’ And as if to prove that the report also mentions the living wage not being a wage you can live on, discriminations against migrant workers, use of food banks, zero hour contracts, the trade union act, the increase in homelessness, being forced to pretend to have optimism about how the England football team will do – ok, not that one – but, well, pretty much everything else we all knew was terrible since 2010, but the government insisted was going great guns. Hopefully what this’ll mean is that the government will see this and have to change things, but then this was made before the entire country voted to knock us into another recession so it may just be that countries such as Turkey will instead see an influx of UK emigrates over the next few years, all seeking better human rights.

The UK’s credit rating has dropped from an AAA to an AA which would be great news if we were a battery. The pound is still hovering near it’s 30 year low and George Osborne has announced that the government are, once again, going to miss it’s budget surplus target for 2019-20. Let’s face it, the Chancellor of Exchequer missing planned budget targets has become a bit like the UK’s version of bears shitting in the woods. What does this mean? Well other than saying we’re not going to reach it, Gideon who spent most of the post Brexit result hiding under a rock, has not said. So it could mean more cuts and a new surplus target, it could mean that he just runs away until the country gets a new Prime Minister and probably new chancellor and leave it to them while he hides on a skiing trip involving several kinds of snow.

Hooray the UK is finally excelling at something everyone! Oh wait, it’s child poverty. Oh dear. Child poverty has increased in the UK by 200,000 and is predicted to get worse due to our post EU referendum economic collapse. Secretary of Work And Pensions and Conservative leadership challenger Stephen Crabb dealt with the figures by saying ‘look over there, no stop looking at this, look over there, household income figures are up slightly so we’re doing great eh?’ Before then listing things that could also cause child poverty such as worklessness which has increased under the Conservatives, debt or addiction which have increased under the Conservatives, family breakdowns which could have been caused due to all the cuts made by the Conservatives or educational attainment which…yeah you get the idea. I would urge children everywhere to follow Stephen Crabb around over the next few weeks tugging at his clothes, asking him for food. If he shoos you away he’ll look terrible and if he doesn’t, he’ll look terrible. Again this is upsetting and with post EU climate this is unlikely to improve anytime soon so I suppose all we can do is hope it gives inspiration to a new generation of musical writers.

The Wales Bill is to be discussed this week, to clarify Welsh devolution and see what further powers the Assembly should be given. With Plaid Cymru now pushing for independence, and the country overwhelmingly voting to leave the EU, it does seem like maybe they’re now grown up enough to go it alone and maybe become a small independent country, the size of Wales.

The Investigatory Powers Bill has had its second reading in the House Of Lords by many people who are too old and privileged to understand how the internet really works and presume it’s done by magic. However they were worried about privacy issues, probably because many of them have tons of things to hide but at the same time re-enforced the idea of programming devices with a ‘backdoor to encryption’ which completely negates wanting to protect privacy. This will now be passed back to the House Of Commons and then a vote but it doesn’t look like it’s been challenged anywhere near enough and so ultimately we could end up with an unelected Prime Minister having access to all our emails without our say so. At least some of North Korea is sunny. If you listen back to episode 12 of this show, you can hear the interview with Law lecturer and privacy expert Paul Bernal all about the IP Bill.

Oh and lastly, the plans to privatise the Land Registry are going ahead despite constant evidence that it brings in more money than it costs. Still on the plus side if it is sold off whenever people say ‘we need to take our country back’ you can point them in the direction of the companies that have actually bought all it’s various bits.

Phew. That was cheery eh? Makes you almost long for party infighting stories instead. Almost.

INTERVIEW

Considering all the current doom and gloom in the political news, I thought it would be a good idea this week to add to that with the possible terror of robots taking all our jobs. Yes, like a really really boring Philip K.Dick novel the mechanisation of the work force is an increasing and often ignored problem. Computers do so much of our work for us now from map reading to banking. With technology improving at an ever faster rate, it could be merely years before you wake up one morning to find a robot is doing your job much more efficiently than you ever could with your stupid person hands, or in the case of many politicians, doing it with a lot more warmth and empathy. As a type 1 diabetic I now have an electronic pump so live in fear of a robot uprising that means I won’t be able to eat chocolate unless I obey orders and while I assume that my years of playing playstation, spending hours slaying dragons and saving villagers means I might survive in a robotised world, fact is it just mostly means I’ve forgotten to put a wash on in real life.

Obviously, it’s not all as scary as that and this week, to explain it to me and you is Asher Dresner. Asher is a political policy writer who’s done everything from write policy papers to writing speeches for Ed Miliband. And yes, we’ve all heard Ed speak so that’s not an easy job. It’s ‘tough enough’ Ed, got it? Tough Enough. Sigh. Anyway Asher is an expert in many things and has studied the effect of technology on the jobs market so kindly had a chat with me all about it.

This is the first face to face interview I’ve done for this podcast and oddly, what it proved, is that I have a stupid, stupid loud voice and so even though the microphone was much nearer Asher, you can still hear me like I’m in your brain hollering each individual word. I am sorry. I will try and find one of those trombone mutes to pop in my gob before I do the next one.

Here’s Asher:

INTERVIEW PART 1

THERESA MAY MASH UP

The best way to sum up the last week’s politics would be for me to scream for 45 minutes into the microphone while you all bang your heads on the nearest hard surface throughout. But that’d wouldn’t be great listening and it’d mess up your lovely hair. While many have given easy Game Of Throne or House Of Cards analogies, I would instead like to say it’s been more like the film Taken 3 which is funny when it isn’t meant to be and when it isn’t funny it’s just unwatchable, depressing, entirely unnecessary, why oh why haven’t things been put in place to prevent this sort of thing happening and if you’re involved in it you’d probably assume it wasn’t doing your career any good.

I’m going to skip post EU technicalities this week as it looks like, unless something changes, Article 50 won’t be issued until a new Prime Minister is announced, if it’s issued at all. So let’s all hold tight in this period of limbo for however long knowing that this isn’t the fun sort of limbo, despite the bar being set very, very low from the start. Instead let’s look at the turmoil inside the two main parties as the Conservatives set out to play their own version of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ where none of the contestants have and are all embarrassing themselves, and Labour who seem to be playing their own version of ‘I’m in the Labour PLP, Get Our Leader Out Of Here!’

The Conservatives leadership candidates have been selected with names like Nicky Morgan and Jeremy Hunt deciding to back down after being distracted by something shiny. Blonde guinea Pig with an unfortunate talking arse growth Boris Johnson also decided to back down from running for leader in a move that can only be described as the political version of a child closing their eyes, covering their ears and singing lalalalalal in the hope that if they can’t see the mess they’ve made then it just doesn’t exist. This of course hasn’t stopped Johnson from stating his 5 point plan to leave the EU in the Telegraph knowing full well he’ll never have to implement it. I mean, his fifth point is ‘The future is very bright indeed’ which goes to show he doesn’t even know how to write plans and also whenever I hear ‘the future is very bright’ I assume it’s due to some sort of terrible nuclear failure, which under Johnson, would’ve been probably. Boris’s leadership chances were probably thrown by Chucky’s worse cousin Michael Gove deciding to stand as a leadership candidate himself, rather than back BoJo, which depressingly shows how much of a game it is to all of them, and also how deluded the upside down volumetric flask with glasses really is to assume he’s more likeable then Boris. Truth is, most of the country hate both of them equally but at least when Michael Gove falls over it looks like it hurts.

Currently the most popular candidate in the nationwide ‘who is the least shit’ contest, is the Conservatives own Cruella De Ville, Theresa May. May says she’s best to unify the party, which let’s face it, was unified anyway, they’re just very good at dividing everyone else. Despite being on the remain side, she’s also vowed that under her leadership Britain would leave the EU rather than remain through the back door so I think she’s effectively promising to give the EU a colonic. In an attempt to say she isn’t establishment May talked about how she doesn’t gossip about people over lunch or go for drinks in parliament’s bars, which instead just made her sound like she really doesn’t have many friends.
In terms of what she actually stands for, May has already backed down from wanting to leave the European Convention of Human Rights which is good, especially as she once claimed it stopped the deportation of an illegal immigrant because he had a pet cat. But everything else about her is truly scary. She’s the Home Office Minister that created the ‘Go Home Or Face Arrest’ vans that not only echoed the sentiments of fascist groups towards refugees but also, didn’t work with far more complaints about tone than arrests of illegal immigrants. May has a scary, almost UKIP tone about her when it comes to citizens from other countries in the UK. Last week she didn’t seem to understand that if you speak English as a second language, it does mean that you still speak English. And have bothered to learn more than one language, instantly making you better than most Brits. She also won’t clarity the status of EU citizens already in the UK if we leave under her leadership, which is very threatening language but not surprisingly as May is the one who proposed the stupid idea that non-EU migrants should earn £35k a year or be deported, which now we’ve left the EU and average UK salary is £26.4 a year, we should probably all leave. And she’s responsible for the Investigatory Powers Bill. Though on the plus side if it goes through, she will know what the public want and need, because she’ll have read all our emails.

Then there’s Andrea Leadsome who many think, if she got to the final two, might win. This is largely because she was on the Vote Leave team and the Conservative members were largely also Vote Leave. That’s pretty much the only reason though as otherwise she’s just as terrifying and awful as the rest of them. Looking at her voting record she’s nearly always voted against any bill promoting equality or human rights, reducing benefits, anti-immigration policies and for having more war. Just more of it. Oh and she voted for the privitisation of Britain’s forests which if it hadn’t been ditched was the sort of policy that sounded very much like it was stolen from a film. You know the sort. A villain decides to kill all the nature to use to make bad juice then the hero and whatever creatures in the forest save it using love and swords and flying things? Well Andrea Leadsome wants the bad juice. Up until 2013 Andrea also seemed very pro-EU, voting for more EU integration. This is probably why Boris Johnson is now backing her as they both seem happy to flip flop on conviction when it seems appropriate. So expect those luxury condos built on the corpses of former ewok colonies coming your way in 2020.

Then heading up the least popular three there is Michael Gove, a man who while promoting the Brexit said himself that people have had enough of experts then chose to run for leadership as if to prove it. After a vote leave campaign that caught him lying about his own dad, calling the Remain campaign childish in the same speech he mentioned the Beano and Batman and ended with him turning his back on his only ally Boris Johnson, he know seems to think the public will trust him. Yeah good one. A leaked email from his wife Sarah Vine showed she seemed to be the Lady Macbeth behind his, er Bottom, if Lady Macbeth wrote vacuous shitty columns about kitchens and assumed ruining peoples lives was a bit like wearing a dress you don’t like. If we’ve anything to learn from those Shakespeare tales it’s that the main characters die and then their name becomes a curse when it’s said before a show so hopefully it’ll only be time before the man who ruined education for years, then the Wham Rap, then the legal system, then Britain, will be thought of as a curse. Don’t say ‘Gove’ round here the thespians will say, or we’ll all assume you’re a backstabbing shit.

Least but not last is Liam Fox who is a disgraced MP who looks a lot like his parents specifically asked for a child with an extremely punchable face. Liam is genuinely disgraced after calling for lots and lots of Ministry of Defence cuts claiming the government didn’t have the budget and then claimed about £40k in expenses for things like ‘his phone bill’ because you know, those sex chat lines are pricey. He then paid for trips to Sri Lanka paid for by the Sri Lankan government and never declared them in the Register of Members’ Financial Interests breaching Parliamentary rules and in 2011 it turned out he’d brought a buddy along on several trips using expenses by pretending he was an ‘advisor’. Worst lads night ever. So that’s the sort of Prime Minister he’ll be. One that’ll tell you, you can’t eat because we need to save money, then you’ll see him later that night using the money to by his mates a take away while calling someone in New York to tell them about it.

Lastly there’s Stephen Crabb who was a remain campaigner, is homophobic, hates disabled people, ignores child poverty, is a Welsh MP so might not be able to vote on English Votes For English Laws and looks like a person in a film who has no personality and dies quickly. He is the Star Trek red shirt of the leadership race and considering there are no people of ethnic minorities running because it’s a Tory leadership, he might be first to go.

So in conclusion, it doesn’t really matter anyway as you won’t get a say. First round is decided by Conservative MPs until it’s whittled down to just two of the worst people you’ve ever heard of, then the 150,000 Conservative members who have to have registered before June 29th and been a member for at least 3 months by the time voting ends. Democracy eh? I’m glad we recently voted for more of that eh? The new overlord will be announced on September the 9th, followed by workhouses and World War 3 by October. Probably.

Now of course, I’m only joking because none of that will happen when we have such a strong opposition to fight against them right? Right? OH GOD WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO LABOUR? It seems the Labour PLP or, in full, the Labour Parliamentary Party which is a lot of unnecessary extra labour in that, anyway, they decided that the best thing to do when the entire rest of the country was in post-Brexit panic would be to think ‘hey why is no one paying us any attention and try to unseat leader Jeremy ‘I bet he plays bowls’ Corbyn. This is mostly on the basis that he didn’t do enough for the Remain campaign. Then many have said they need a strong leader who can unite the party because a general election could happen at any time, even though most of the Conservative leadership candidates have said there won’t be, but I suppose considering several of them backed Blair’s notion that Saddam Hussein had weapons that could launch and attack within 45 minutes, time estimates aren’t their bag. So far there’s been a letters from almost everyone in the Labour PLP and Constituency Labour Party asked Jeremy to step down, ranging from very polite requests all the way to a few that wouldn’t have gone amiss in the comments section of an online paper. Then kicked off by Jeremy firing Hilary Benn, most of the Shadow Cabinet resigned, followed by other Labour MPs. This didn’t seem to unseat Corbyn who saw it as a bit of a late spring clean and the Shadow Cabinet has reshuffled more than a dodgy Vegas croupier. So there was a vote of no confidence that was overwhelmingly against Corbyn 172-40, but like a bad open spot comic he thought, well at least 40 people like me, and took that as enough to stay. Meanwhile there’s been talks of Angela Eagle challenging him in a leadership bid but then she backed down and now seems to be back up again. Lovechild of Richard Griffiths and Harry Potter Tom Watson is constantly having sneaky meetings about what to do, and the whole PLP is in despair. Meanwhile on the other side, Jeremy Corbyn has been hosting rallies for, well, himself, that have been attended by many, the Labour membership has gained 60,000 extra in the last week and it seems quite clear that if a leadership challenge does happen, the members will just vote for Jeremy again. So what to do?

Well, this is an issue that has been tearing apart the left and centre-left like nothing else, with people I like and admire being reduced to childish spiteful comments both die hard for Corbyn and vehemently against. So, as with everything, it’s not really straightforward either way and I thought I’d introduce a new section that may only appear in this week’s show but hey, here’s a jingle anyway.

JINGLE
So firstly, here’s the argument for why Jeremy Corbyn should leave and then I’ll follow it up with why he should stay and at the end, you can decide for yourself like a grown up. Or if you’re a child, a very smart child who still probably acts more grown up than anyone in Labour.

Jeremy should go because above all else he doesn’t have control of the Labour party anymore. Admittedly, he’s never really had it with most of the PLP being angry he ever became leader in the first place, but right now, with only 40 MPs on his side, that is not enough to run a party and without a lot of hard work, time that he doesn’t have and probably coalitions with other parties. If he doesn’t have the MPs, they can’t be the opposition and that title could possibly go to the SNP. While many might seem happy about that, they can’t decide on English Votes For English Laws nor do they have enough MPs or well, any, below the border so it’d be shit. As well as this, and that is a pretty big deal, as someone who voted for Jeremy in the leadership election last year, I’ve been disappointed in several things he has, or rather hasn’t done. While I know he vouched for this new, non-aggressive politics, he’s been against the most aggressive bunch of bastards and it just feels like he hasn’t tried. Not preparing for PMQs or sticking up for the Junior Doctors in PMQs as the strikes were happening. Not mentioning Iain Duncan Smith’s resignation the Monday after. I love the idea of new, nicer politics but I’m not sure we can do them till the not nice bunch are out of government and that will take some extreme force. Also polls for Labour have been pretty bad up and down the country and while we’re probably four years away and polls can be useless, maybe Labour need someone who can reach out a bit to other voters. It’s proven that even if all the non-voters that support Labour voted for them it still wouldn’t be enough without the swing votes and I’m not sure Jeremy is the man for swinging. Oh god, I’m so sorry for that image.

Ok.

Jeremy should stay because well firstly I think this is a shitty selfish move by the PLP choosing to do this now. The Conservatives have left things in ruins, and thanks to the PLP we are instead looking at Labour and pointing the finger at them. Over 2/3rds of Labour members voted remain which is very high, compared to the other parties. Also baring in mind the country voted leave, would they want a Labour leader that was adamantly for remain? Probably not. We’ve seen how buddying up with the Conservatives worked for Labour in Scotland and well, it didn’t. So perhaps not occupying a platform with Cameron was a very savvy thing to do. In the 9 months Corbyn has been leader, which isn’t that long he has suffered unbelievable scrutiny from the press and his own MPs and still managed to push for a reversal on several cuts, and a u-turn on almost the entire budget, as well as doing better than the Conservatives in the local elections. Labour have also won 4 mayoral elections too. So you wonder what would’ve happened if the PLP had supported Jeremy and fought the Conservatives rather than each other? Lastly, and this is a biggie, who would be leader instead? Angela Eagle, who’s currently being pipped as Corbyn’s challenger was pro-Iraq War which may be hugely damaging when the Chilcott Report comes out this week and pro-Remain which means 52% of the country don’t agree with her. How is that getting voters back onside? Although remembering the Iraq war it wasn’t much about what the public wanted anyway, was it? Why didn’t Labour win in 2015? Well apart from a media attack from all sides on Miliband, they were also too similar to the Conservatives with no conviction to it. Backing welfare cuts, being anti-immigration, going along with the story that they ruined the economy. At least with Corbyn you have an ideological opposition, even if it’s not a great one or well delievered, and that is sorely missing from anyone else. Corbyn is, unlike Farage or Boris, actually anti-establishment. He doesn’t play by any rules. Or play. Or, I’m not sure, is even aware that the rules are there in the first place.

So that was:

JINGLE

So yeah, it’s a mess and personally I’m leaning towards how good it’d be for Corbyn stand down and to back someone else, on the left, to be leader instead. Clive Lewis is being pitched as a possible person for that. He’s also only been an MP since 2015 and actually a new face to Labour with left wing ideals would be good for it. The other option is that the party splits, into Corbyn’s party which might be say, ‘Jeremy Corbyn plays Labour’s Greatest Hits’ and then ‘Labour with Adam Lambert’ or something. The problem with this would be that First Past The Post voting means it’d just split the left wing and centre left vote, leaving the Conservatives with more power. And really everyone should just be focused on changing this government for fuck’s sake. September could bring Ewok killing, backstabbing, homophobic, xenophobic disgraces our way.

So in the next election with UKIP with no leader, an unelected Conservative leader, and two possible Labour parties. Yes, you hear that? Correct. That’s eight Lib Dem members remembering what hope feels like and scribbling a plan on their blackboard with coloured chalk because they’re excited.

Now back to Asher:

INTERVIEW PART 2

Big thanks to Asher for showing us that this robot situation isn’t as binary as it looks, see what I did there? No I’m not sorry. Asher can be found on Twitter @asherdresner and do check out his blog at asherdresner.com.

As yet I don’t have a guest for next week so do let me know via the usual contact outlets or any unusual ones if you like, if there’s anyone you’d like me to ask.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Considering the current piss show of candidates , this week I asked you lot who, from history, fiction or whatever, who you’d like to be either the Conservatives or Labour Party leader? And so you did respondeth:

‪@F00LEDAGAIN ‬‬‬‪Jul 1‬‬‬
‪Longvic, France‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ could Wally lead the Labour Party so we could enjoy the fun of guessing where he is?‬‬‬‬

‪@EthanDLawrence ‬‬‬‪Jul 1‬‬‬‪‬‬‬‬
@ParPolBro Julius Caesar running both at once. It would at least allow English lit majors a wry nod when the backstabbing parties happen‬

‪@AK4INSURANCE ‬‬‬‪Jul 2‬‬‬‪‬‬‬‬
@TiernanDouieb @ParPolBro Columbo. He’d do everyone’s head in, seldom give a straight answer, and PMQs would be brilliant my wife, she’s your biggest fan…” And then at the end “just one more thing”

‪@GavinCurnow ‬‬‬‪Jul 2‬‬‬‪‬‬‬‬
@ParPolBro @ParPolBro As things stand I’d happily see an Ian Hislop/Paul Merton coalition‬

‪@Kinderschwein ‬‬‬‪Jul 2‬‬‬
‪San Jose, CA‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Noam Chomsky. I think it speaks for itself.‬‬‬‬

‏‪@VlizzeeRascal‬ ‬‬‬Jul 2
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Paul the Octopus?‬‬‬‬

‪@johnbeck_ ‬‬‬‪Jul 2‬‬‬‪‬‬‬‬
@ParPolBro Paula Abdul v MC Kat. Because she likes it quiet & he likes to shout. But at pmqt, when they get together it just all works out‬

Two steps forward – two back

‪@jooliargh ‬‬‬‪Jul 3‬‬‬‪‬‬‬‬
@ParPolBro Labour: Daenerys Targaryen. She freed the slaves, and dragons should help with the Welsh vote.‬

‪@AndyWalker9 ‬‬‬‪Jul 3‬‬‬
‪Sheffield, England‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ @TiernanDouieb Labour – Bill Pullman from Independence Day, can unite split, beaten, scared people against a common foe‬‬‬‬

‪@jooliargh ‬‬‬‪Jul 3‬‬‬‪‬‬‬‬
@ParPolBro Tories: Pob. Looks like Gove, but less likely to cause thousands of teachers to quit their jobs.‬

‪@gibbymcdibby ‬‬‬‪21h‬‬‬‬
‪21 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ tories should have Thomas the tank engine- true blue, keep them on the rails, used to chugging around pointless little island‬‬‬‬

‪@gibbymcdibby ‬‬‬‪21h‬‬‬‬
‪21 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ labour can have Stalin. Left wing enough to keep the £3 members happy, and if anyone could enforce party discipline, it’ll be him‬‬‬‬

‪@newobsyhr ‬‬‬‪21h‬‬‬‬
‪21 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@TiernanDouieb‬‬‬‪ I assume you’ve had Jekyll and Hyde? Because while they talk and act differently but you can’t always tell them apart?‬‬‬‬

‪@RJLLB ‬‬‬‪20h‬‬‬‬
‪20 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Anyone but Ant n Dec. The whole left and right thing would jam the electoral pendulum.‬‬‬‬

‪@AmyLRR_ ‬‬‬‪20h‬‬‬‬
‪20 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Alan B’stard leading the Tories‬‬‬‬

‪@MattHossComedy ‬‬‬‪19h‬‬‬‬
‪19 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ The Tories need someone with traditional British values: Henry VIII. His feasts and beheadings can’t be worse than Gove or May.‬‬‬‬

‪@MattHossComedy ‬‬‬‪19h‬‬‬‬
‪19 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ For Labour they need someone who is going to bring the party together. I suggest Chewbacca-Who doesn’t love a wookie with a plan?‬‬‬‬

‪@Hirsutable ‬‬‬‪19h‬‬‬‬
‪19 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪Alton, England‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Hasn’t @bechillcomedian already definitively proved that a sausage would be the best choice. This debate is over. Vote Sausage.‬‬‬‬

‪@flufflogic ‬‬‬‪19h‬‬‬‬
‪19 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪ Doctor Doom for Tories. Sure he’s a dictatorial sociopath, but at least the Latverians lived in relative comfort and security!‬‬‬‬

‪@thornae ‬‬‬‪19h‬‬‬‬
‪19 hours ago‬‬‬‬
‪@ParPolBro‬‬‬‪: BRIAN! BLESSED!!!‬‬‬‬

(“Minister, if I could just ask you about-” “I WILL END YOU LITTLE MAN!”)‬

END

And that’s all for this week’s show. Thanks again for listening. Don’t forget to review the show on iTunes, and you can drop me a line @parpolbro on Twitter or Facebook or at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Also, there’s a few other interesting things you may like to know about going on over the next few months involving live shows that I’m doing or running, especially something I’m planning for later this month so if that sounds remotely interesting to you, join my own mailing list at tiernandouieb.co.uk as I’ll be harassing people from there.

Next week I’ll undoubtly be talking about the long awaited Chilcott report where either Tony Blair will be told he has to ‘say sorry like he really means it this time’ or that actually, we were all wrong and making up lies in order to blow the crap out of a country is actually totally above board and so hey, I heard Slovakia have magical shoes that can fire death rainbows in 3 minutes flat, let’s go kill them all!

Thanks again to part time PPB researcher and guest finder Matt Hoss and Mark Struthers who is trying his very best to make my stupid loud voice less so. Also a shout out to Robert Ramsay who is @mothtwiceborn for a gag of his that I totally pinched for this show.

This week’s show was brought to you by the letters AA which spell the very word most of us are thinking when we hear about the UK’s current economy situation.

LIAM FOX MASH UP

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